It seems that many a question has been raised about my relationship with Danielle Battee. These questions have arisen due to some of my recent blogs about her....shall we say lack of knowledge about things concerning superheros, spies, sci-fi movies and of course Harrison Ford. These blogs are saturated with humor and jest to the point that you would have to be near dead to miss it. Now, normally I would never bother dedicating an entire blog to something like this but when it concerns the lovely Danielle and my feelings for her I would break any rule in the book. Don't worry this blog won't be long. It may not make sense to some of you but that's OK.
I never thought I would keep a blog. As a matter of fact I made fun of people who did. But I find this to be a wonderful way to keep in touch with people I care about and to maintain some sense of sanity when I find my head on the verge of exploding from too much mental noise. In other words, my blogs are like me. They are funny, serious, strange, unintelligible, silly, wonderful, ridiculous, self-serving, sad, beautiful, ugly, painful, heart-felt, straight-forward, passive aggressive, unyielding and honest.
What I'm about to type into the internet abyss is all of the above. Danielle Battee is my best friend. I am able to talk to her about things I find myself unable to share with the rest of the world. She is beautiful in a way that defies colors and words. Her strength comes from that which built the universe. It's the kind of strength only a woman could possess. I am lucky and blessed to have our paths crossed. Years from now when I am laying in bed with my wife, Anne Hathaway, I will speak fondly of Danielle. I will always love this woman, regardless of her feelings about Harrison Ford.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Good night and good luck
Can Barack Obama win? I have no idea but the prospect of it sure is scaring the hell out of some white people. This has been one ugly year for politics...not that most years are beautiful. Maybe it's just that I've been paying more attention than I ever have before in my life. I think my dislike for the current administration and its blatant disregard for "the human experience" has forced me to become more aware. So don't let anyone tell you that nothing good came from the Bush Administration. I think he woke a lot of people up who have been sleeping for a long, long time.
Why are some white Americans so afraid of Barack Obama? I'm sure there are several answers to this questions. The answers range from his name (I shit you not) to his lack of experience in the game of politics. There are people who are afraid of his name. It's just too weird for them. They don't know what to think. What kind of name is that? Is it Muslim? Whatever it is I don't like it so I can't vote for someone with a name like that. Now you take his name then add that powerful element of race and you have an explosive situation in United States. What an interesting way to divide a party that prides itself on its own diversity. Democrats have shown that they are not that different from Republicans after all. I have long believed that the Republicans and Democrat's are different sides of the same coin. I might be disgusted by the actions this administration but I do not think they are unique only to the Republican Party. We are all products of our environments. This does not mean that we don't have the ability to change, but it does mean that when people are saturated in messages that tell them one thing is bad and another thing is good that is going to make an impression on them. Hilary is having similar problem with some men (and women) who just can't imagine a woman....A WOMAN leading the United States of America. But I'm not talking about Hilary right now.
I remember reading a story about a older white couple who had marched along side Martin Luther King Jr. during the era of the civil rights campaign and was pro integration of public schools. They had black friends and held meetings at their house for organizing peaceful demonstrations. This couple was ahead of their time. They believed in equal right for all human beings regardless of their color, race, religion, etc. But....when their son decided to date and get engaged to a black woman they freaked the fuck out! This is what is happening for some Democrats. They are freaking out. Some of these folks are actually saying that if Obama is the parties nominee they will vote for McCain. Others are saying they will leave the party all together. They will vote for McCain because they are afraid. Would these same people have such a strong reaction if it was Edwards instead of Obama? Of course not. First of all, John Edwards is a strong, God fearing, American name. I never met a Muslim with a name like that. Secondly, John Edwards is white. It really is that simple. Some Democrats don't want to vote for a black person to be the president of the United States. I appreciate the ones who are honest about this.
On a recent episode of Jon Stewarts, The Daily Show, people were interviewed from the great state of West Virginia. One woman stated very simply, "I won't vote for him because of his race...it's just too different" Thank you lady, thank you for being real about your personal shit. We need more people to be honest like this woman was. You don't want to vote for Hilary because you think women are not as smart as men, say it out loud. You don't want to vote for Barack because you think he's going to paint the White House black, say it out loud. Get all your stereotypes, prejudices, bigotries, hatefulness, ignorances, fears, etc. out there on the table. There is more harm done by the people who harbor these views in secret then by the ones who shout their message out loud.
It's past time for the United States to be honest with itself in relation to the idea of race and gender. I'm not talking about freaking 60 minutes news cast honest, I'm talking about David Chappell show honest. Even though the show was funny it touched on something real and honest. He didn't just hold up a mirror for white people to see themselves in, he held up a mirror for ALL people to see themselves in; Black, White, Brown, Man or Woman, it didn't matter because we all carry our shit with us. Chappell was just as hard on Black people as he was on White people. The reason why I have so many friends (some of you are surprised by this) is because I make fun of myself and point out my own flaws just as much as I make fun of theirs. Although some of my friends like Alex are total fuck ups, the majority of them are regular folks just like me. It's important to remember that we are all connected by this condition I like to call being human. This connection inflicts every single one of us and no one on the planet will escape from it. I've said this before but I think it bares repeating. We are all connected to each other and that connection can not be broken no matter how hard we may try. Monsters are created when people start to view each other as "the other" as not quite worthy of being human. History is littered with examples of the atrocities people have done to one another.
Race, religion, gender, sexuality...people have used all of these as reason to kill. Think about that. Simply killing because someone is different. The arrogance could fill the Grand Canyon. Thinking your better than someone else because you have lighter or darker skin, because you have testicles instead of ovaries or vice versa. Thinking your better than another person because out of all the worlds religions, out of all of them, yours is the correct one and everyone else wrong. When I decide I'm better than someone...take Alex for example, it's because I know that person very well. I've spent time with them and developed the very real sense that I am actually a better human being than they are. To date, I believe I am better than two people. One will remain a secret and the other, as you know, is Alexander Deussen. If you've met him then you know it is not really that hard to be a better person than he is. But I'm getting off point here.
These are interesting times that we live in and the United States needs to put its house in order. Some people feel so threatened by the possibility of a "non white male" being elected president that they will vote for against their own interests. All the complaints that I have heard made against Hilary and Barack pale when you look at the real life example which sits inside the White House at this very moment.
Can Barack Obama win? I don't know. Can Hilary win? Again, I have no idea. Could John McCain win? Anything is possible. I'm still wondering how the hell George Bush has spent the last 8 years in the White House. When choosing the next president of the United States, this fact should not be forgotten...but...it will.
Good night and good luck.
Why are some white Americans so afraid of Barack Obama? I'm sure there are several answers to this questions. The answers range from his name (I shit you not) to his lack of experience in the game of politics. There are people who are afraid of his name. It's just too weird for them. They don't know what to think. What kind of name is that? Is it Muslim? Whatever it is I don't like it so I can't vote for someone with a name like that. Now you take his name then add that powerful element of race and you have an explosive situation in United States. What an interesting way to divide a party that prides itself on its own diversity. Democrats have shown that they are not that different from Republicans after all. I have long believed that the Republicans and Democrat's are different sides of the same coin. I might be disgusted by the actions this administration but I do not think they are unique only to the Republican Party. We are all products of our environments. This does not mean that we don't have the ability to change, but it does mean that when people are saturated in messages that tell them one thing is bad and another thing is good that is going to make an impression on them. Hilary is having similar problem with some men (and women) who just can't imagine a woman....A WOMAN leading the United States of America. But I'm not talking about Hilary right now.
I remember reading a story about a older white couple who had marched along side Martin Luther King Jr. during the era of the civil rights campaign and was pro integration of public schools. They had black friends and held meetings at their house for organizing peaceful demonstrations. This couple was ahead of their time. They believed in equal right for all human beings regardless of their color, race, religion, etc. But....when their son decided to date and get engaged to a black woman they freaked the fuck out! This is what is happening for some Democrats. They are freaking out. Some of these folks are actually saying that if Obama is the parties nominee they will vote for McCain. Others are saying they will leave the party all together. They will vote for McCain because they are afraid. Would these same people have such a strong reaction if it was Edwards instead of Obama? Of course not. First of all, John Edwards is a strong, God fearing, American name. I never met a Muslim with a name like that. Secondly, John Edwards is white. It really is that simple. Some Democrats don't want to vote for a black person to be the president of the United States. I appreciate the ones who are honest about this.
On a recent episode of Jon Stewarts, The Daily Show, people were interviewed from the great state of West Virginia. One woman stated very simply, "I won't vote for him because of his race...it's just too different" Thank you lady, thank you for being real about your personal shit. We need more people to be honest like this woman was. You don't want to vote for Hilary because you think women are not as smart as men, say it out loud. You don't want to vote for Barack because you think he's going to paint the White House black, say it out loud. Get all your stereotypes, prejudices, bigotries, hatefulness, ignorances, fears, etc. out there on the table. There is more harm done by the people who harbor these views in secret then by the ones who shout their message out loud.
It's past time for the United States to be honest with itself in relation to the idea of race and gender. I'm not talking about freaking 60 minutes news cast honest, I'm talking about David Chappell show honest. Even though the show was funny it touched on something real and honest. He didn't just hold up a mirror for white people to see themselves in, he held up a mirror for ALL people to see themselves in; Black, White, Brown, Man or Woman, it didn't matter because we all carry our shit with us. Chappell was just as hard on Black people as he was on White people. The reason why I have so many friends (some of you are surprised by this) is because I make fun of myself and point out my own flaws just as much as I make fun of theirs. Although some of my friends like Alex are total fuck ups, the majority of them are regular folks just like me. It's important to remember that we are all connected by this condition I like to call being human. This connection inflicts every single one of us and no one on the planet will escape from it. I've said this before but I think it bares repeating. We are all connected to each other and that connection can not be broken no matter how hard we may try. Monsters are created when people start to view each other as "the other" as not quite worthy of being human. History is littered with examples of the atrocities people have done to one another.
Race, religion, gender, sexuality...people have used all of these as reason to kill. Think about that. Simply killing because someone is different. The arrogance could fill the Grand Canyon. Thinking your better than someone else because you have lighter or darker skin, because you have testicles instead of ovaries or vice versa. Thinking your better than another person because out of all the worlds religions, out of all of them, yours is the correct one and everyone else wrong. When I decide I'm better than someone...take Alex for example, it's because I know that person very well. I've spent time with them and developed the very real sense that I am actually a better human being than they are. To date, I believe I am better than two people. One will remain a secret and the other, as you know, is Alexander Deussen. If you've met him then you know it is not really that hard to be a better person than he is. But I'm getting off point here.
These are interesting times that we live in and the United States needs to put its house in order. Some people feel so threatened by the possibility of a "non white male" being elected president that they will vote for against their own interests. All the complaints that I have heard made against Hilary and Barack pale when you look at the real life example which sits inside the White House at this very moment.
Can Barack Obama win? I don't know. Can Hilary win? Again, I have no idea. Could John McCain win? Anything is possible. I'm still wondering how the hell George Bush has spent the last 8 years in the White House. When choosing the next president of the United States, this fact should not be forgotten...but...it will.
Good night and good luck.
Monday, May 19, 2008
I can't tell you that
Well. It's been one of those weeks so far and it's only Tuesday. I work and live inside of a mad house. I just found out that three past teachers snapped while working here. When I say snapped I mean that they had to leave due to mental conditions which presented themselves during their stay at my work place. You notice that I never tell you exactly where I work or the name? That's because they search the web to see if anyone has written anything about them. I am not shitting you. Anyways, one of these teachers who had to go home lost it a few months before I arrived. I guess she started stacking full cups of water on a table in the cafeteria and singing to herself. Her father had to fly in from South Africa and take her home.
When I heard the story I was thinking she must have been straight out of college and young but she was 28 years old. It got me to thinking what my breaking point would be. Not just here but in any situation when my brain and my spirit decide that enoughs and enough and check out for a while. I'm sure by now you've figured out that things bother me and I like to pontificate but I can't imagine having to leave....and yet the idea of it is not impossible. I think there are times in peoples lives where the "perfect storm" of situations arise and they just check out, sometimes for good and sometimes for a short while.
For me I think it would have to include being placed in a situation that is completely unfamiliar and danger is abound. Korea is not dangerous and believe it or not I am very used to being one of maybe two or three black people in a area. I am even used to having my very "blackness" pointed out at least 5 times a week. This reminds me, one of my students this week told me that I'm the same color as chocolate. This made me laugh because I've really started to wonder about their fascination with black skin. Koreans are absolutely dumbfounded by black people and I think most of the kids that I get want so bad to understand something or anything about me. When I think about it like that it is difficult for me to get annoyed with the constant pointing out that I am black or something to that effect.
I can't imagine living my life without contact with those who are different but as you know by now Korea has been pretty isolated and for good reasons. Outsiders have been fucking with them for centuries. What I find fascinating however is that Koreans do not seem to make such strong comments about white folk. Maybe it's the fact that they kind of sort of share similar skin tones but I don't think so. Koreans look as different from white westerners as they do from black ones, but I have yet to hear one comment about white people here. Unless you include the time Danielle and I overheard this Korean woman give what she thought was a compliment to a very tall and thick blonde woman who sounded like she was from the U.S. The Korean woman told her that she looked like a "big barbie doll". One thing I've learned while living here is that most Koreans do not have that filter in their brain that prevents them from saying the first thing that pops into their heads. For better or for worse.
Back to my working place. There are so many little fires that start every day here. Not real fires! Fires among the staff. I think it has to do with being forced to live where you work. I was talking to one of my co-workers yesterday who got into a fight (that right, a physical fight) with another teacher about a month ago. He said that "in this place you do things you thought you would never do". I think he was talking both about Korea and where we work. I have seen some interesting choices made by adults while I have lived here. People getting into fights. He is 34 years old by the way. People drinking until they pass out, which doesn't sound very strange but when you do this and then come to work the next day smelling of soju (Korean booze) and obviously still hung over you gotta wonder what that person is thinking. This happens at least once a week by the way. Some of these people act like they have never had access to liquor before but they have because everyone is over 21 years old and the average age here is about 27 years old. But then you have people making what I have called "the classic choices".
To explain let me begin by telling you that Korea loves white dudes. I know. But it's true. Korea loves the white man. If you are white, single, a dude, and have an affection for Korean women you might want to come here. It does not matter if you're ugly by the way. I'm not trying to be rude, but it's true. You can leave you normal lonely life back in the U.S. or Canada, come here and be a rock star. Danielle has an interesting perspective on this phenomenon. Personally I could give a fuck who dates who but when you have guys who come here with girlfriends and in a matter of weeks or a few months start dating a Korean woman they just met I wonder what the hell is going on. Some of these people having been dating for years and then they get over here and it's like they never caught the eye of another woman before. I mean, just because a woman is giving you bedroom eyes doesn't mean you have to go and drop your current girlfriend or cheat on her. But it happens here all the time. Now, I've heard some guys say that Korean women are "easier to control", they "do more things for you", "they don't argue with you". These are all things I've heard guys say. Ironically, I have heard some of the same things said about white women compared to black women. I don't believe either one to be true. I think that people tend to find what they are looking for in regards to other people. The trick is sometimes we don't really know what we are looking for. So you might think you want someone to treat you with respect and love you but in your subconscious you don't really respect yourself so you find someone else who doesn't really respect you. That's deep, I know, but I think it rings true.
People are also just assholes sometimes. They cheat, they lie, they make mistakes, the manipulate, etc. That's what we do. We make excuses for our behaviors, especially when we know what we did or what we are doing is fucked up. Men are not more outrageous then women but we play the game differently. Most women have good intentions before they do something horrible to their partner. They "thought they were just going to be friends with him" or some other bullshit like that, but dudes....dudes pretty much know the minute they meet another woman if they have intentions to sleep around or not. A guy will have already calculated the risk and the consequences after deciding if he intends to cheat on his girlfriend or not. I think women tend to be more honest about the actual event while men are more honest with themselves about the fact that they wanted to do it. Men might lie and try to get out of trouble but inside they know they are a dog, but a woman will have difficulty admitting to herself she is a dog while having less difficulty admitting that she cheated or was inappropriate. Of course there are always exceptions but overall I've found this formula to be true. We are all capable of lying to ourselves but some of us are better at it than others.
As strangers in a strange land I can understand the thought that what we do while we are away doesn't really matter but that's just another lie we are telling ourselves.
When I heard the story I was thinking she must have been straight out of college and young but she was 28 years old. It got me to thinking what my breaking point would be. Not just here but in any situation when my brain and my spirit decide that enoughs and enough and check out for a while. I'm sure by now you've figured out that things bother me and I like to pontificate but I can't imagine having to leave....and yet the idea of it is not impossible. I think there are times in peoples lives where the "perfect storm" of situations arise and they just check out, sometimes for good and sometimes for a short while.
For me I think it would have to include being placed in a situation that is completely unfamiliar and danger is abound. Korea is not dangerous and believe it or not I am very used to being one of maybe two or three black people in a area. I am even used to having my very "blackness" pointed out at least 5 times a week. This reminds me, one of my students this week told me that I'm the same color as chocolate. This made me laugh because I've really started to wonder about their fascination with black skin. Koreans are absolutely dumbfounded by black people and I think most of the kids that I get want so bad to understand something or anything about me. When I think about it like that it is difficult for me to get annoyed with the constant pointing out that I am black or something to that effect.
I can't imagine living my life without contact with those who are different but as you know by now Korea has been pretty isolated and for good reasons. Outsiders have been fucking with them for centuries. What I find fascinating however is that Koreans do not seem to make such strong comments about white folk. Maybe it's the fact that they kind of sort of share similar skin tones but I don't think so. Koreans look as different from white westerners as they do from black ones, but I have yet to hear one comment about white people here. Unless you include the time Danielle and I overheard this Korean woman give what she thought was a compliment to a very tall and thick blonde woman who sounded like she was from the U.S. The Korean woman told her that she looked like a "big barbie doll". One thing I've learned while living here is that most Koreans do not have that filter in their brain that prevents them from saying the first thing that pops into their heads. For better or for worse.
Back to my working place. There are so many little fires that start every day here. Not real fires! Fires among the staff. I think it has to do with being forced to live where you work. I was talking to one of my co-workers yesterday who got into a fight (that right, a physical fight) with another teacher about a month ago. He said that "in this place you do things you thought you would never do". I think he was talking both about Korea and where we work. I have seen some interesting choices made by adults while I have lived here. People getting into fights. He is 34 years old by the way. People drinking until they pass out, which doesn't sound very strange but when you do this and then come to work the next day smelling of soju (Korean booze) and obviously still hung over you gotta wonder what that person is thinking. This happens at least once a week by the way. Some of these people act like they have never had access to liquor before but they have because everyone is over 21 years old and the average age here is about 27 years old. But then you have people making what I have called "the classic choices".
To explain let me begin by telling you that Korea loves white dudes. I know. But it's true. Korea loves the white man. If you are white, single, a dude, and have an affection for Korean women you might want to come here. It does not matter if you're ugly by the way. I'm not trying to be rude, but it's true. You can leave you normal lonely life back in the U.S. or Canada, come here and be a rock star. Danielle has an interesting perspective on this phenomenon. Personally I could give a fuck who dates who but when you have guys who come here with girlfriends and in a matter of weeks or a few months start dating a Korean woman they just met I wonder what the hell is going on. Some of these people having been dating for years and then they get over here and it's like they never caught the eye of another woman before. I mean, just because a woman is giving you bedroom eyes doesn't mean you have to go and drop your current girlfriend or cheat on her. But it happens here all the time. Now, I've heard some guys say that Korean women are "easier to control", they "do more things for you", "they don't argue with you". These are all things I've heard guys say. Ironically, I have heard some of the same things said about white women compared to black women. I don't believe either one to be true. I think that people tend to find what they are looking for in regards to other people. The trick is sometimes we don't really know what we are looking for. So you might think you want someone to treat you with respect and love you but in your subconscious you don't really respect yourself so you find someone else who doesn't really respect you. That's deep, I know, but I think it rings true.
People are also just assholes sometimes. They cheat, they lie, they make mistakes, the manipulate, etc. That's what we do. We make excuses for our behaviors, especially when we know what we did or what we are doing is fucked up. Men are not more outrageous then women but we play the game differently. Most women have good intentions before they do something horrible to their partner. They "thought they were just going to be friends with him" or some other bullshit like that, but dudes....dudes pretty much know the minute they meet another woman if they have intentions to sleep around or not. A guy will have already calculated the risk and the consequences after deciding if he intends to cheat on his girlfriend or not. I think women tend to be more honest about the actual event while men are more honest with themselves about the fact that they wanted to do it. Men might lie and try to get out of trouble but inside they know they are a dog, but a woman will have difficulty admitting to herself she is a dog while having less difficulty admitting that she cheated or was inappropriate. Of course there are always exceptions but overall I've found this formula to be true. We are all capable of lying to ourselves but some of us are better at it than others.
As strangers in a strange land I can understand the thought that what we do while we are away doesn't really matter but that's just another lie we are telling ourselves.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Danielle, why do you hate Harrison Ford???
She did it again! She said something so ridiculous I'm seriously considering changing my phone number and leaving the country so she can't find me. Yes, I'm talking about Danielle. But before I tell you what this lady said let me tell you that she's been pretty ill lately. I think she caught something from a river after she went rafting with her work peeps for the weekend.
This is how Korea works. When you are really sick you go to the doctor, but, you go to a specialist. So Danielle has been dizzy, nauseous, and having severe stomach cramps. Because Danielle is a "tree hugger" she went to an acupuncturist before going to a regular doctor. The acupuncturist decided that she was pregnant (she's not) and the doctor didn't ask her any questions, touched her stomach for two seconds, and handed her a bucket full of pills. This "specialist" then told my lovely lady that if she did not feel better in a few days to come back and see him. The solution to almost any medical ailment in Korea is to take pills. I shit you not. If you go in for a bloody nose they will hand you pills. If you told them you had blurry vision they would hand you pills. They would probably hand you pills even if you went in for a physical. I have a feeling this is going to come back to bite them in the ass one day.
Not that the United States doesn't like to medicate its citizens but we like to give pills for problems like itchy legs. We give our pills to young boys and girls who have way too much energy and don't like to sit down for long periods of time. What the hell is their problem. They obviously have a condition which requires medication to slow down their young, fast paced ways. I have a name for this condition by the way, it's called "childhood" and thank God we've finally found a way to prevent it from being quite so annoying for us adults.
Yes folks, Korea continues to intrigue me. If you can make it here then you can make it....well, you can make it here because here is like no other place. What's popular here does not translate to the rest of the world. For instance, did you know if you rub your finger nails gently your hair will grow faster? Did you know that I look like Will Smith? Yes, you read that correctly. I look like Will Smith...yeah, that Will Smith. The Fresh Prince. Of course he's about 12 inches taller than me, 5 shades lighter and has ears the size of my hands. But besides that we could be twins, I can see it. Did you also know that if you use tiny rollers along your cheek bones your face will lose weight? Did you know that eating dog flesh will prevent you from sweating in the summer and increase the chances of having a male son? Did you know that while working out in the gym you should take at least 3 smoking breaks in the bathroom to help your bodies circulation? There are so many "did you knows" but that's not what this blog is about. This blog is about my increasing problems with the things that come out of Danielle's mouth.
I'll make it short and simple. Last weekend, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was on TV which meant I had to watch at least half an hour of it. Now, we know that Danielle obviously has some problem with Harrison Ford which was made clear by her Luke Skywalker comment. But now she's gone too far. This fucking woman said that one, Harrison Ford is a bad actor, and two, Indiana Jones is cheesy! What the fuck?!? You are so lucky I'm not a violent person cuz them are fight-n words fool! I've decided that she's jealous of Mr. Ford for some reason. I can't figure it out. I thought we were doing better. After all, we saw Iron Man together and she seemed to like it. We've been walking around Korea having wonderful conversation. But when it comes to television and movies we have this problem. First of all, Harrison Ford should have earned an Oscar for his portrayal of Indiana Jones! Do you understand me woman!!!! An Oscar! How does he always manage to keep his hat? I don't know. Does she even care? Probably not. Does she care that I'm worried in the upcoming Indiana Jones movie they are going to kill him off? I wake up in cold sweats thinking about this possibility. The woman has no heart! I can't do this much longer. She's a cold, cold shell of a human being. I have this fear that one day the subject of James Bond will come up and she'll say that which will put the final nail in the coffin of our relationship. That's right people, our relationship is held together by the entertainment industry.
Anyways, I fear this wretched siren might say that of all the James Bonds the best was...God, I don't even want to write it. I'm afraid. Be strong Chris, be strong. O.K., sorry about that folks. I fear that when it comes to James Bond (007) Danielle doesn't realize that Sean Connery was best one to play the worlds favorite spy. Worst yet, she might say something as foolish as Pierce Brosnan was the best. But I can't think about the "what ifs". I must take our relationship day by day. After all, I love this foolish woman. This foolish woman who has no taste in movies or television shows. But as we all know, love can only take us so far.
This is how Korea works. When you are really sick you go to the doctor, but, you go to a specialist. So Danielle has been dizzy, nauseous, and having severe stomach cramps. Because Danielle is a "tree hugger" she went to an acupuncturist before going to a regular doctor. The acupuncturist decided that she was pregnant (she's not) and the doctor didn't ask her any questions, touched her stomach for two seconds, and handed her a bucket full of pills. This "specialist" then told my lovely lady that if she did not feel better in a few days to come back and see him. The solution to almost any medical ailment in Korea is to take pills. I shit you not. If you go in for a bloody nose they will hand you pills. If you told them you had blurry vision they would hand you pills. They would probably hand you pills even if you went in for a physical. I have a feeling this is going to come back to bite them in the ass one day.
Not that the United States doesn't like to medicate its citizens but we like to give pills for problems like itchy legs. We give our pills to young boys and girls who have way too much energy and don't like to sit down for long periods of time. What the hell is their problem. They obviously have a condition which requires medication to slow down their young, fast paced ways. I have a name for this condition by the way, it's called "childhood" and thank God we've finally found a way to prevent it from being quite so annoying for us adults.
Yes folks, Korea continues to intrigue me. If you can make it here then you can make it....well, you can make it here because here is like no other place. What's popular here does not translate to the rest of the world. For instance, did you know if you rub your finger nails gently your hair will grow faster? Did you know that I look like Will Smith? Yes, you read that correctly. I look like Will Smith...yeah, that Will Smith. The Fresh Prince. Of course he's about 12 inches taller than me, 5 shades lighter and has ears the size of my hands. But besides that we could be twins, I can see it. Did you also know that if you use tiny rollers along your cheek bones your face will lose weight? Did you know that eating dog flesh will prevent you from sweating in the summer and increase the chances of having a male son? Did you know that while working out in the gym you should take at least 3 smoking breaks in the bathroom to help your bodies circulation? There are so many "did you knows" but that's not what this blog is about. This blog is about my increasing problems with the things that come out of Danielle's mouth.
I'll make it short and simple. Last weekend, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was on TV which meant I had to watch at least half an hour of it. Now, we know that Danielle obviously has some problem with Harrison Ford which was made clear by her Luke Skywalker comment. But now she's gone too far. This fucking woman said that one, Harrison Ford is a bad actor, and two, Indiana Jones is cheesy! What the fuck?!? You are so lucky I'm not a violent person cuz them are fight-n words fool! I've decided that she's jealous of Mr. Ford for some reason. I can't figure it out. I thought we were doing better. After all, we saw Iron Man together and she seemed to like it. We've been walking around Korea having wonderful conversation. But when it comes to television and movies we have this problem. First of all, Harrison Ford should have earned an Oscar for his portrayal of Indiana Jones! Do you understand me woman!!!! An Oscar! How does he always manage to keep his hat? I don't know. Does she even care? Probably not. Does she care that I'm worried in the upcoming Indiana Jones movie they are going to kill him off? I wake up in cold sweats thinking about this possibility. The woman has no heart! I can't do this much longer. She's a cold, cold shell of a human being. I have this fear that one day the subject of James Bond will come up and she'll say that which will put the final nail in the coffin of our relationship. That's right people, our relationship is held together by the entertainment industry.
Anyways, I fear this wretched siren might say that of all the James Bonds the best was...God, I don't even want to write it. I'm afraid. Be strong Chris, be strong. O.K., sorry about that folks. I fear that when it comes to James Bond (007) Danielle doesn't realize that Sean Connery was best one to play the worlds favorite spy. Worst yet, she might say something as foolish as Pierce Brosnan was the best. But I can't think about the "what ifs". I must take our relationship day by day. After all, I love this foolish woman. This foolish woman who has no taste in movies or television shows. But as we all know, love can only take us so far.
Friday, May 9, 2008
I miss you too buddy
It finally happened...I picked up a golf club and I swung it. I never thought my hands would ever touch anything that had to do with golf but I was wrong. I'm not hooked by any means, all I did was go to the range and hit some balls....very, very badly. I sucked! I was so bad. I missed the damn thing completely sometimes but in all honestly it was pretty intriguing. I won't say fun because it wasn't fun to me but I'm interested in learning the mechanics of the....sport. O.K., O.K., I'm willing to call this little game a sport now. It's hard. I'm not sore or anything like that, but it's pretty difficult. It takes concentration and form and timing. I now have respect for all my friends who are tiny, weak, little golfers. I think I might go back and work on my form....which sucks to no end at this point. I can't allow someone like my buddy Alex for instance to be better at something then me. Speaking of Alex, let me share with the rest of you people what my "friend" Alex Deussen (I've known him for about 23 years and I still don't know how to spell his last name) wrote to me over email.
It's important to know a little background on my slimy buddy Alex. First of all, he's very smart. A little too smart for his own good actually. So smart he's dumb actually. You know those kind of people who are just really book smart, learn-ed if you will, but there's just something dumb about them anyways? Add onto this the fact that he's part Italian and can play the violin like an Angel from heaven and you have one of the biggest assholes I've ever known in my life. He also happens to have really good luck, even though he would say no to that, the fact that his heart is still pumping blood and he lives proves this notion. I think Alex should have died a long time ago. He makes stupid choices all the time. He gets into car accidents every month or so and he does not really pay attention to what goes on around him. You know in cartoons when you have the oblivious character who just misses getting chopped into little pieces by a swinging ax and then avoids getting run over by a bus and then some how manages to walk up a skyscraper that is still under construction while reading the newspaper. Right when you think this cartoon is about to step off the ledge and plunge to their cartoon death a steel beam swings over and they step onto it and are led safely back to the street? That's Alex. Smart, stupid and lucky.
His luck is currently continuing because he has a lovely girlfriend who is way too good for him (Hello Anya. I miss you. If and when you and Alex break up I will be your friend and not his). She's very artistic and creative and for some reason she's in love with Alex. Of course, I think Alex might say the same thing about Danielle in regards to me.
The last thing that bugs me about this so called friend is that he's cheap as hell. Al doesn't like to part with the dollars....even when he is legally binded to pay. Alex and my other "friend" Tobias A. Lawerence "took me out" for drinks and food after I passed my thesis defense to earn my Master's Degree. I put the words took me out in parenthesis because we went out to a few different bars and I ended up paying for all of us every where we went, including when we got something to eat at the end of the night. These are my friends? However, money means nothing to me so I let this cheapness pass. But what really bothers me (I'm jealous, I admit it) is that even though Alex has no money he still ends up flying to Italy, a luxurious cruise around the fucking world, and Mexico all in the same year. And, do you know what this dick brings me back as a present? Wait for it.....Axe body spray. That's right, Axe fucking body spray, African Scent. Now, I could have gone to Target or any other store in the U.S. to get Axe body spray which I don't wear in the first place, but this cock brings me back Axe body spray from one of his many travels. And, to ad insult to injury he gets "African Scent" because I'm black and he thinks that's funny. I don't. I don't think that's funny at all...but I have a felling some of you reading this might. It's worth a chuckle maybe but not a full on laugh.
Anyways, so this asshole emails me a couple days ago to tell me how much he enjoys my blogs. He then makes the usual comment about how he's fucked up my car somehow. I left it at his and Anya's house while I'm living in Korea. To be honest with you it would surprise me if he sold it and kept the money while I'm here. Anyways, he emails me and then threatens to "expose" me to the rest of you? He threatens to expose me unless I say nice things about him in my blogs. Now, here's the card he thought he could play. Every time I send Alex an email it has a very angry tone and it is not very P.C. (politically correct). He said if I didn't do what he wants he would post one of my angrier emails to him as a comment on one of my blogs. So I guess this threat is an answer to your threat dickhead. Go fuck yourself! And don't ever threaten me again. You forget that I'm not going to be in Korea forever and then next time I see you I have a feeling you'll be in even worse physical shape because you are lazy and fat. I, however, am jogging every day and learning martial arts all so that I can kick you, with precision, in your balls!
I'm sorry the rest of you had to read this blog but Alex needs to understand that I own his ass and it's not the other way around. I hope this blog finds all who read it in excellent health. Good day to you all.
And Alex...I miss you too buddy.
It's important to know a little background on my slimy buddy Alex. First of all, he's very smart. A little too smart for his own good actually. So smart he's dumb actually. You know those kind of people who are just really book smart, learn-ed if you will, but there's just something dumb about them anyways? Add onto this the fact that he's part Italian and can play the violin like an Angel from heaven and you have one of the biggest assholes I've ever known in my life. He also happens to have really good luck, even though he would say no to that, the fact that his heart is still pumping blood and he lives proves this notion. I think Alex should have died a long time ago. He makes stupid choices all the time. He gets into car accidents every month or so and he does not really pay attention to what goes on around him. You know in cartoons when you have the oblivious character who just misses getting chopped into little pieces by a swinging ax and then avoids getting run over by a bus and then some how manages to walk up a skyscraper that is still under construction while reading the newspaper. Right when you think this cartoon is about to step off the ledge and plunge to their cartoon death a steel beam swings over and they step onto it and are led safely back to the street? That's Alex. Smart, stupid and lucky.
His luck is currently continuing because he has a lovely girlfriend who is way too good for him (Hello Anya. I miss you. If and when you and Alex break up I will be your friend and not his). She's very artistic and creative and for some reason she's in love with Alex. Of course, I think Alex might say the same thing about Danielle in regards to me.
The last thing that bugs me about this so called friend is that he's cheap as hell. Al doesn't like to part with the dollars....even when he is legally binded to pay. Alex and my other "friend" Tobias A. Lawerence "took me out" for drinks and food after I passed my thesis defense to earn my Master's Degree. I put the words took me out in parenthesis because we went out to a few different bars and I ended up paying for all of us every where we went, including when we got something to eat at the end of the night. These are my friends? However, money means nothing to me so I let this cheapness pass. But what really bothers me (I'm jealous, I admit it) is that even though Alex has no money he still ends up flying to Italy, a luxurious cruise around the fucking world, and Mexico all in the same year. And, do you know what this dick brings me back as a present? Wait for it.....Axe body spray. That's right, Axe fucking body spray, African Scent. Now, I could have gone to Target or any other store in the U.S. to get Axe body spray which I don't wear in the first place, but this cock brings me back Axe body spray from one of his many travels. And, to ad insult to injury he gets "African Scent" because I'm black and he thinks that's funny. I don't. I don't think that's funny at all...but I have a felling some of you reading this might. It's worth a chuckle maybe but not a full on laugh.
Anyways, so this asshole emails me a couple days ago to tell me how much he enjoys my blogs. He then makes the usual comment about how he's fucked up my car somehow. I left it at his and Anya's house while I'm living in Korea. To be honest with you it would surprise me if he sold it and kept the money while I'm here. Anyways, he emails me and then threatens to "expose" me to the rest of you? He threatens to expose me unless I say nice things about him in my blogs. Now, here's the card he thought he could play. Every time I send Alex an email it has a very angry tone and it is not very P.C. (politically correct). He said if I didn't do what he wants he would post one of my angrier emails to him as a comment on one of my blogs. So I guess this threat is an answer to your threat dickhead. Go fuck yourself! And don't ever threaten me again. You forget that I'm not going to be in Korea forever and then next time I see you I have a feeling you'll be in even worse physical shape because you are lazy and fat. I, however, am jogging every day and learning martial arts all so that I can kick you, with precision, in your balls!
I'm sorry the rest of you had to read this blog but Alex needs to understand that I own his ass and it's not the other way around. I hope this blog finds all who read it in excellent health. Good day to you all.
And Alex...I miss you too buddy.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Kimchi vs Apple Pie
I'm not sure if I've explained what the place I work at is like? I don't mention the name of my work because I don't want the Korean government to lock me up and force me to eat Kimchi for the rest of my life. Kimchi is fermented cabbage basically and it's actually pretty good if made correctly. Anyways I live where I work. The place is pretty big and houses around 60 foreign teachers I believe. We are in apartments all over the complex. Except for the Korean teachers we all live about 1 minute...that's right, 1 minute away from our class rooms. That's one minute walking by the way. It's important to know this when I tell you the following story.
We recently got a new president at the school and with him came some new administration staff. With all new administrations comes change. Some good some bad, whatever, change is inevitable. However, there were teachers who were actually complaining about this policy that if you start work at 9am then you have to clock in before 9 am. Read that sentence again, I'll wait. Done? Ok, now, who the fuck would argue that point. In any job you have you are expected to clock in on time right. I have always made it a policy (for most of my jobs...my last six months working Portland Non-Profit was a joke) to show up to work early. I show up to my current job about half an hour early because there is so much shit I have to get ready for. Anyways, if you clock in after 9am more than 3 times in one month the dock your pay. This has really seemed to get under peoples skin and I'm having some trouble understanding the reason. Some people are saying that it is not fair that if you clock in at 9:00:15 seconds then you are still considered late.
OK. We live on the same fucking grounds that we teach. This place is not that big. What the hell are these people doing that they are clocking in right at the buzzard? And....if you know you are going to get docked pay then make sure your ass clocks in early. I actually had to sit in a room and listen to grown ass people argue this policy. These are smart people too. I think something happens when you move overseas. You get this negative vibe about yourself and it can last for a long time if you're not careful. All this said I realized that there was more going on with the staff, in particular the foreign staff. People feel disrespected and under appreciated. This became obvious because some staff members whom I like and do a great job were brought to tears. It's always important to understand that a persons feelings are always valid because they are their feelings. I may not agree with what people were saying but their feelings on the matter are real for them and therefore valid.
My work place is a diverse place in terms of where these teachers are coming from, their education, and their work experiences. Some of these people are right out of college and have no teaching experience. Some of these folks are life long teachers or have been working with kids for decades. Some people have their Ph d's or are lawyers. It's an amazing mix of people but here's where the complex nature of Korea and hiring practices come into play. They don't pay you according to your skills. They pay you according to some very strange factor, a factor that no one really understands. First it is important to know that if you discuss your salary with other teachers you will lose your job. Teachers still talk about what they make but on the down low. So you hear things about what people make and basically you have some people who have no work experience, have just graduated from college with a degree that has nothing to do with kids, English, or anything relevant to the job, making more money than people with teaching degrees in English. It makes no sense but that is the way they do things here sometimes. It is one of the most random places I've every been too. Some time this randomness will benefit you and sometimes it will drive you mad. Why is a bottle of hydrogen peroxide $200.00 dollars while prescription pills are $2.00 without insurance? I don't have answers to these questions, that is the magic of Korea.
I am starting to come to peace with the whole randomness though. I think you have to if you expect to be happy in this country and I do want to be happy where I live. I know I'm not going to make this place my home so that helps too. I'm here for a limited amount of time and I want to make the best of it. I think if you come to that conclusion your time here will be more exciting and less stressful. So when you find out that blowing your nose in public is rude, especially at the dinner table, but spitting, coughing without covering your mouth, hacking up a loogy and or smoking during dinner are all acceptable, you raise one eyebrow and move on.
We all have our oddities about us. The United States is an odd place too. We elect fools to run our country and then re-elect them after they have shown us exactly how foolish they are. The United States is so odd that we might just elect another fool who agrees with the first fools most foolish policies and fool hardy exploits. Yeah, these Koreans might not know how to make a can opener that opens cans without breaking. They might not know how to wait in line. They might not know what "customer service" is. Koreans might not even know that black people live all over the world, not just in Africa, BUT the American's elected Bush....twice. I'll take broken can openers and rude, old, little Korean women over that any day of the week!
We recently got a new president at the school and with him came some new administration staff. With all new administrations comes change. Some good some bad, whatever, change is inevitable. However, there were teachers who were actually complaining about this policy that if you start work at 9am then you have to clock in before 9 am. Read that sentence again, I'll wait. Done? Ok, now, who the fuck would argue that point. In any job you have you are expected to clock in on time right. I have always made it a policy (for most of my jobs...my last six months working Portland Non-Profit was a joke) to show up to work early. I show up to my current job about half an hour early because there is so much shit I have to get ready for. Anyways, if you clock in after 9am more than 3 times in one month the dock your pay. This has really seemed to get under peoples skin and I'm having some trouble understanding the reason. Some people are saying that it is not fair that if you clock in at 9:00:15 seconds then you are still considered late.
OK. We live on the same fucking grounds that we teach. This place is not that big. What the hell are these people doing that they are clocking in right at the buzzard? And....if you know you are going to get docked pay then make sure your ass clocks in early. I actually had to sit in a room and listen to grown ass people argue this policy. These are smart people too. I think something happens when you move overseas. You get this negative vibe about yourself and it can last for a long time if you're not careful. All this said I realized that there was more going on with the staff, in particular the foreign staff. People feel disrespected and under appreciated. This became obvious because some staff members whom I like and do a great job were brought to tears. It's always important to understand that a persons feelings are always valid because they are their feelings. I may not agree with what people were saying but their feelings on the matter are real for them and therefore valid.
My work place is a diverse place in terms of where these teachers are coming from, their education, and their work experiences. Some of these people are right out of college and have no teaching experience. Some of these folks are life long teachers or have been working with kids for decades. Some people have their Ph d's or are lawyers. It's an amazing mix of people but here's where the complex nature of Korea and hiring practices come into play. They don't pay you according to your skills. They pay you according to some very strange factor, a factor that no one really understands. First it is important to know that if you discuss your salary with other teachers you will lose your job. Teachers still talk about what they make but on the down low. So you hear things about what people make and basically you have some people who have no work experience, have just graduated from college with a degree that has nothing to do with kids, English, or anything relevant to the job, making more money than people with teaching degrees in English. It makes no sense but that is the way they do things here sometimes. It is one of the most random places I've every been too. Some time this randomness will benefit you and sometimes it will drive you mad. Why is a bottle of hydrogen peroxide $200.00 dollars while prescription pills are $2.00 without insurance? I don't have answers to these questions, that is the magic of Korea.
I am starting to come to peace with the whole randomness though. I think you have to if you expect to be happy in this country and I do want to be happy where I live. I know I'm not going to make this place my home so that helps too. I'm here for a limited amount of time and I want to make the best of it. I think if you come to that conclusion your time here will be more exciting and less stressful. So when you find out that blowing your nose in public is rude, especially at the dinner table, but spitting, coughing without covering your mouth, hacking up a loogy and or smoking during dinner are all acceptable, you raise one eyebrow and move on.
We all have our oddities about us. The United States is an odd place too. We elect fools to run our country and then re-elect them after they have shown us exactly how foolish they are. The United States is so odd that we might just elect another fool who agrees with the first fools most foolish policies and fool hardy exploits. Yeah, these Koreans might not know how to make a can opener that opens cans without breaking. They might not know how to wait in line. They might not know what "customer service" is. Koreans might not even know that black people live all over the world, not just in Africa, BUT the American's elected Bush....twice. I'll take broken can openers and rude, old, little Korean women over that any day of the week!
Monday, April 21, 2008
Think about the Polar Bears for Gods Sake!!!!
Ko-re-a!--I-just-met-a-land-named-Ko-re-a! Yeah, not really. Been here almost half a year, but I arrived in the late fall and it's really like being in two different countries. That is, winter Korea vs spring and summer Korea. The warm weather is so nice. I forgot what it's like to be warm. This place gets so damn cold in the winter. It seriously went from cold to warm and even hot just like that. There was no warning or anything. I have heard rumors that in the next two months it will get nasty hot but I'd rather be hot then cold. I guess living in the U.S. I took for granted winter seasons. I usually like the winter. I like the way fresh snow peppers the forest around me. I think ice storms are beautiful in their attempt to preserve the world in a crystal clear crust. But that shit doesn't happen here man. It's just cold....cold and ugly. There are not a lot of trees and the only thing that ice sticks to is the piles of trash in the street. But the warm winds have blown across Korea and the country has responded by rolling out the red carpet. It's like all the stars of nature are doing their thing for all to see. This is a welcome sight to the barren trees of winter.
Warm weather means more time for me to travel around to areas without having to cut my visits short because it's so damn cold. In the next few months I hope to see as much of the country as I can. Since I will not be here for another summer I want to see all that I can before my second winter here. I want to visit and stay at a Buddhist Temple this summer and I plan on Island hoping down south. I think there is still damage to some of the beaches due to the oil spill last fall but I hope to visit some of these areas anyways.
So I've been listening to the news a lot (as always) and I have some questions about what's going on in that great country of mine. I don't want to talk about Obama, Clinton or that other guy (is he still alive?). I want to talk about the price of food and gas. Is it true that milk now cost $42.00 a gallon? I'm joking of course but every time I listen to the news people are talking about how much milk costs. Now I don't drink milk but I do remember that milk used to be so cheap people used to take baths in it. That shit is like liquid gold now according the news. The cost of food seems to have risen a lot since I left the country. Not that it wasn't happening before I left but it seems like it has gotten worse. Is this connected to record oil barrel prices? Hmmmmmm. I gotta tell you, I'm so happy not to have to worry about gas right now. I heard it cost $300.00 to fill up a moped these days? What's funny about the whole oil thing is that oil is expensive as all hell in a lot of other countries and they sell that stuff by liters, not gallons. In the Netherlands, to get a gallon of gas you are going to pay around $8.00. I wonder how high gas will have to get for us (citizens not the government) to demand higher funding for renewable fuels and alternative energy? As much as I complained when I was living in Portland I complained while fueling up my car. I could have taken public transportation. Portland has a really good system set up but I'm addicted to the comfort and convenience of driving my own car. When I didn't have a car I took the bus and the light rail. It was that simple.
I don't have kids but if and when I do I don't want to have to tell them things like, "I remember when milk was only $10". "Now you have to take out a bank loan to have milk with your cereal". I'm hoping our generation is smarter then the last and the next generation is smarter than mine. As a race of human beings we have really fucked things up. I don't want to tell my future son or daughter about Polar Bears. I want them to be able to see a living Polar Bear. I shouldn't be able to hold an ice glacier in my hands. Bees should not be disappearing. Bees!?! We need them, don't we? Aren't they kind of important for things like.....everything that grows!!!!! Jesus. If you stop and think about all the things going on with our planet how can you not be motivated to do something....anything? Start recycling a little more. Start walking a little more. Start car pooling. Start paying attention to what our government is actually doing. Start a blog and pontificate about everything. But do something....because remember: All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for a few good people to do nothing.
Warm weather means more time for me to travel around to areas without having to cut my visits short because it's so damn cold. In the next few months I hope to see as much of the country as I can. Since I will not be here for another summer I want to see all that I can before my second winter here. I want to visit and stay at a Buddhist Temple this summer and I plan on Island hoping down south. I think there is still damage to some of the beaches due to the oil spill last fall but I hope to visit some of these areas anyways.
So I've been listening to the news a lot (as always) and I have some questions about what's going on in that great country of mine. I don't want to talk about Obama, Clinton or that other guy (is he still alive?). I want to talk about the price of food and gas. Is it true that milk now cost $42.00 a gallon? I'm joking of course but every time I listen to the news people are talking about how much milk costs. Now I don't drink milk but I do remember that milk used to be so cheap people used to take baths in it. That shit is like liquid gold now according the news. The cost of food seems to have risen a lot since I left the country. Not that it wasn't happening before I left but it seems like it has gotten worse. Is this connected to record oil barrel prices? Hmmmmmm. I gotta tell you, I'm so happy not to have to worry about gas right now. I heard it cost $300.00 to fill up a moped these days? What's funny about the whole oil thing is that oil is expensive as all hell in a lot of other countries and they sell that stuff by liters, not gallons. In the Netherlands, to get a gallon of gas you are going to pay around $8.00. I wonder how high gas will have to get for us (citizens not the government) to demand higher funding for renewable fuels and alternative energy? As much as I complained when I was living in Portland I complained while fueling up my car. I could have taken public transportation. Portland has a really good system set up but I'm addicted to the comfort and convenience of driving my own car. When I didn't have a car I took the bus and the light rail. It was that simple.
I don't have kids but if and when I do I don't want to have to tell them things like, "I remember when milk was only $10". "Now you have to take out a bank loan to have milk with your cereal". I'm hoping our generation is smarter then the last and the next generation is smarter than mine. As a race of human beings we have really fucked things up. I don't want to tell my future son or daughter about Polar Bears. I want them to be able to see a living Polar Bear. I shouldn't be able to hold an ice glacier in my hands. Bees should not be disappearing. Bees!?! We need them, don't we? Aren't they kind of important for things like.....everything that grows!!!!! Jesus. If you stop and think about all the things going on with our planet how can you not be motivated to do something....anything? Start recycling a little more. Start walking a little more. Start car pooling. Start paying attention to what our government is actually doing. Start a blog and pontificate about everything. But do something....because remember: All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for a few good people to do nothing.
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