Talia and Aaren

Two blogs in one day. I think this might be a first for me but I just had to do it. I know I promised no political blogs for the rest of this month and I'm going to try to keep that promise but there may be some kind of political slant in this blurb. So, I was went for a jog this morning after I wrote my first blog and I kept thinking about my niece and Danielle's little brother Aaren (I'm not sure how he spells his name actually), anyways I was thinking about these two wonderful children and the country they are going to grow up in and become a part of. After I finished my job I went to the gym and was listening to a podcast of This American Life. It was talking about the McCain and Obama campaigns inside Pennsylvania.

There was one section of the podcast when I young Obama supporter approached a bunch of men outside a football game to register them to vote. Some young man who had obviously been drinking asked the lady who she was supporting and she told him Obama. He got out his cell phone and told her he had something to show her. It was described to the listening that on this mans cells phone was a picture of Barack that slowly changed into a picture of a monkey. He told the lady, "That's what we think of Barack Obama around here now go the fuck away!"

There was so much in that hate filled statement. The rest of the podcast is actually pretty interesting and I would encourage people to listen to it if they have time. I started thinking about Talia and Aarens lives. I thought about Talia and how she must see the world. She is the product of a union between a black man and white woman. She looks at this as normal and why shouldn't she. It is normal. Two people met, liked each other and decided to create a family. It shouldn't matter to people what these two people look like. It shouldn't matter to people if they are the same race or not, if they have the same ethnic backgrounds or not, if they share the same religious beliefs or not and it shouldn't matter if they are the same sex or not. I know some of you raised an eyebrow to that last one. I don't wanna go off here but you eyebrow raisers really need to get over your homophobia. It makes you appear...what are the right words? Oh I know, like a bigoted asshole. But I'm not going to go into that right now.

Kids are not born with the prejudices we all develop over time. That's why I don't talk down to young kids. They are so much better than us in so many different ways. Aaren, who is a few years older than Talia, never even blinked at the difference between my skin and his. He was also more interested in Power-Rangers and later on discussing the movie Happy Feet. If a little white boy growing up in Montana can have several conversations with his sisters black boyfriend and never even blink then there is hope for all of us.

When I listen to stories and watch the news lately I start to worry about the Talia's and the Aaren's out there. They are like sponges and they soak up all the information being put out there. Sometimes they are paying attention when we don't realize it. It's like the little kid who repeats a swear word because they heard their parents say it. We learn by observation and experience. There is so much hatred and fear circulating in the atmosphere that kids being exposed to it can't help but breath it in.

Voting for McCain does not mean you are a racist. Everyone who is voting for Barack is not doing so because he's a Black man. "Arabs", peoples from the Middle East and all other caramel colored peoples are not evil. Muslims, who come in all different skin tones, are just as human as Christian folk.

I guess most elections are like this but the amount of fear being pumped out by both sides is disheartening. Each generation should be better than the previous one. I get the feeling a lot of the older generations are struggling to let go of their grasp on power and influence. I'm not saying tradition and history are not important but life has to move forward. When I think about Talia and Aaren I have faith that if they can hold on to even a tenth of who they are now we will all benefit.

So when I hear that there are digital pictures of Barack turning into a monkey or that Governor Palins image is being photo shopped onto the naked body of another woman or that someone can't be trusted because they are a Muslim or that a movement to have a constitutional amendment banning "same sex" marriage is still being proposed I just think how much better Aaren and Talia's generation already is than the rest of us. I just hope we can all start living up to the high standards they deserve to grow up in.

Late night phone calls and silent dreams

A few nights ago I was woken up by my phone ringing and on the other line was my brother. He had miscalculated the time difference and was calling to have my niece talk to me for a little bit. It had been her birthday and they were calling to say hello. My niece is five years old and I have only seen her twice really. Once when she was a little baby and the other time when she was just learning to walk. Needless to say I don't think she remembers me or really knows who I am. I understand these things happen when one lives on the other side of the country and doesn't come home very often. By very often I mean I might venture back to Michigan once every two years. I have not been back to Michigan for almost three years this time out.

Before Talia got on the phone I had a flashback of my own youth and being forced by my parents to talk to relatives I didn't know. When Talia got on the phone I started laughing because I could tell she didn't really know who I was. When your that age being on the phone with a stranger can just be "strange" so I didn't want to keep her to long. I remember being asked a litany of questions at that age and I don't remember enjoying those questions. So I asked her how she was doing, if she enjoyed her birthday and that I would see her next summer.

I don't talk to children like most people talk to children. I think they can understand more then we give them credit for. People tend to talk to "special needs" people in the same fashion but I refuse to do that too. The last little kid I had an in-depth conversation with was Danielle's little brother and that young man has some amazing insight for someone so young. I can remember unknown family members asking me very slowly, "How...old...are...you?" I'd be like, "Dude, I'm seven, what the fuck are you talking like that for?" "Are..you...a...good...boy?" I never understood that question. That's a question you ask when you can't think of anything else to say. It's not like some kid is gonna say, "Nope, I'm really bad!"

When she got off the phone with me Talia threw me a little "I love you." The one thing I've gotten really good at is being able to tell when someone doesn't mean what they are saying and my cute little niece was totally instructed to throw her uncle Chris an I love you. It was nice to hear but I'm going to make it my goal to have her mean it the next time she says it to me. Of course she doesn't really love me yet, she doesn't know me. Besides the whole blood relation thing I've been totally absent from her young life. I can't tell you how many "I love yous" I through out to total strangers when I was little. I love my little niece because I remember holding her and playing silly games with her. I love her because she's my niece and wonderful little soul. I'm pretty sure she's closer to the stuffed animal I gave her a few years ago than she is with me. Sad but true. True but not set in stone...lucky for me.

Okay, switching gears. I had some work done on my mouth yesterday and I am in so much pain right now I'm considering taking pain pills, which is a pretty big deal since I don't take pills. It hurts to talk right now. Which leads me to the dream I had last night. I'm not asking for feedback on this one unless your just dying to share with me. Here goes, I was walking through a park and noticed that everybody was using sign language to communicate with each other. The strange thing was that I could understand what they were communicating to each other. Every time someone walked by me they made the heart sign with their hands and then broke their hands apart. They would then go back to signing with each other. I was completely silent and did not say a single word until the very end of the dream. A tiny old woman came up to me and beckoned for me to lean down. I did and she whispered something into my ear but I can remember what she said. I just know that I woke up saying "Really?" Needless to say I'm kind of frustrated right now. It's on the tip of my tongue but I can't remember, I feel like it was pretty damn important though.

Well, I gotta go. Don't forget to vote.

Cirque Du So What

Well...I guess when you share your dreams and ask for feedback on those dreams the feedback comes a calling. It's amazing what people think having four balls and then having two of those balls removed means. I got some really good insight on the whole four nuts thing. I appreciate the theories and for those of you who didn't share but would like to feel free. I had people respond to me on my facebook page, I got some emails, a couple phone calls and some of you responded directly to my blog. I even got some musical advice from an "anonymous" writer whose words were welcomed, appreciated and oddly familiar...Hmmmmmmm. When you're so far away from friends it really does make you feel good to get messages...even when those messages are testicle related. Some of you even decided to tackle my little Moon and Sun story. I can't say I'm surprised. That thing is loaded with all kinds of shit. I recognized that when I was writing it but I had to get it out after having that dream. It was just so damn vivid and demanded me to put it into print. For those of you who are wondering I think I was a Moon into my mid-twenties and then I became a Sun Moon mixture into my late 20's and when I turned 30. But like I was telling a friend recently, my Moon days are over and I've changed into a total Sun. In relation to the story itself I don't believe anything is wrong with being a Moon, Sun or a young Blue Planet for that matter. Enough about my dreams for now, if I have any more that are that interesting I will be sure to share them.

I had my second run at the ol' orphanage this week. These kids are just dying to have someone love them. In a way, I guess we all are, but these kids are pretty honest and straight forward about it. One little boy just wanted me to hold his hand the entire time I was there, so I pretty much did. I walked around with Park for over an hour. It may have had something to do with the fact that I was the guy with the candy and the stickers. I swear to God stickers are like gold in this country. I wasn't consumed by sadness this time, it was just more a feeling of exhaustion. This world is full of people who need help and so many go without.

I went to Cirque Du Soleil the day after my visit to the orphanage and there were a lot of open seats, probably because it was a Thursday. I love Cirque Du Soleil but I couldn't really enjoy it fully because I kept thinking how much fun those kids would have had at this thing. It seriously would have made their year to see that performance. I'm a big believer in using art as a healing aide and as a spark to light a fire in people. Something like this could let kids like that know that the world is so much bigger than those walls they live in. Life can be an explosion of colors and music dancing to the beat of itself.

I'm gonna figure this out. I'm not trying to save anyone mind you, but some of these kids are curious and I love me some curious kids. I love me some curious people as a matter of fact. It's amazing the things we are willing to spend large sums of money on and the things we don't want to spend any money on. We tend to go "all in" on saving institutions or restructuring another countries way of life to fit our needs, but we wont' give a dime to help people who are in jeopardy of becoming invisible to life. Money is not the be all answer either. I know this. It's the way that we think and our actions that are really going to change the way this world works. What's funny about this whole thing is that I don't particular enjoy being around kids. That's the truth. If I had to pick a career I can't say it would involve working directly with kids all the time. It definitely would not involve teaching kids. I was telling a friend recently who expressed some unhappiness with what she was doing for work that she needs to decide if what she was doing was her job or her career. My theory is simple. People can work a job that they don't like but you should not have a career that you don't like. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do for a career. So if you have a career that you can't stand or don't really enjoy it's probably time to find a new one. Who wants to spend the next 40 years going to a gig they can't stand. That's not what we're here to do...at least that's not what I'm here to do.

Remember my plan to go to India for two weeks before I head back to Michigan for what I've decided will be 11 days (I have not spent that much time back in Michigan since I was a teenager...I'm horrified). Well it turns out that my work will not pay the 600 dollar ticket it would cost for me to go to India from Korea. So my plan was to have the ticket that they legally have to buy when my contract is up and have that ticket be a one way to India. I then was going to buy my own ticket from India back to the US. Well, they are saying they won't do that. They will buy me a ticket that could cost over 1000 bucks to fly me to Michigan when I'm done here but not a ticket that would cost 600 dollars tops? I don't understand this place. Makes no sense to me. So now I gotta figure out what I'm doing. This really messes with my plans to become completely evil by the month of June when I'm back in Portland. I've already started being somewhat evil. When I was at the orphanage I made the kids fight for the best pieces of candy. I also told them I was going to by them each a dog...I'm not! Suckas!!!!!! Kidding folks, kidding.

It's late and it's time for me to go to bed. Here's to not having any more dreams about sacks with two to many balls in them.

I'm always around. Don't forget to vote!

Sun Kil Moon

Okay. I don't want to keep writing blogs in which I discuss testicles but you gotta hear about my dream last night. I had two dreams last night that I can remember. One dream has resulted in a short story I thought of and will share with you shortly. The other dream resulted in me waking up in a cold sweat, grabbing my balls. I will quickly get this ball talk over with. I had a freaking dream that I had FOUR balls last night. It was creepy as hell and just writing that sends a chill down my spine. I had four fucking testes! It was gross, gross, gross! I was playing some kind of sport and I got hit in the nuts. When I went to get check out I had four distinct grapes. I must of had balls on the mind because I blogged about ball cancer and getting my "physical" done by the Korean medical staff recently. It was none the less disturbing and the dream seemed to of lasted for a very long time. In the dream I decided to have surgery to have two of my four balls removed. I was prepped and then they kept me awake when the surgery began. I was actually watching them cut into my sack and remove my balls. It was so realistic I can't explain the horror I felt. Now, for those of you who are grossed out or asking yourself why would I share such a graphic dream with everyone you seriously don't have a clue who I am. Get over yourself it was just a dream and I would actually like some feedback on what the fuck you think that dream means. Four balls? Two getting chopped off? What the hell do you think that represents in my real life? I've gotta clear my head before I go to the Orphanage later today. Can't have balls on the mind when hanging around a bunch of Korean Orphans.

Now, my second dream was obscure and beautiful. It made no sense whatsoever and was like walking through Picasso painting. I was surrounded by dark blue waves of water but I was not getting wet. It actually wasn't water, it was more of a thick gel substance. I looked up into the sky and it was darker than any sky I have ever seen. The stars were few and the only bodies were the sun and the moon. The sun was not bright and the moon was not white. They were sharing the same sky and it was not an eclipse. It was almost like they were dancing together and having a conversation. I woke up after this dream and I had this strange story in my head which I will share with all of you now. I titled it after this band I've been listening to for a while now.

Sun Kil Moon

I know how the universe began. It was not a “bang” that started all we have come to know, it was a song. A simple song, which created itself out of necessity that helped to create life as we know it. If there is a God you cannot find Him, Her or It in the pages of any book. You cannot find God in the body of any living thing on the planet. But, if you listen carefully, if you close your eyes and listen to the wind you just might hear those first notes that started the heart beat of our world. This is not a story about God or the creation of our universe. This is a love story.

The Sun and the Moon, although in different spaces heard the same sound coming from an unknown place. The sound was faint but they both felt the same urgency to move closer to it. It was the Sun who arrived first. It had been traveling for quite some time when it came upon this pulsing blue orb. This was where the sound seemed to be the loudest. This was where the sound became music. The Sun settled above the dark blue glow to listen for a while.

When the Moon arrived the first thing it saw was the beautiful, fiery force of the Sun. It was the first documented case of love at first sight in the history of all history. The Moon stopped dead in its tracks. It was the music that shook the moon from its trance. It was the music that gave the Moon the courage to move closer to the Sun. The Moon settled in so close to the Sun that flames licked at its surface. At this time the Sun and the Moon were the same size. The Sun had been so busy listening to the music and watching the strange blue mass below that it had not noticed the moon at first. But the Moon was known for its patience and it waited in silence.

While the Moon was waiting for the Sun it noticed for the first time the glowing, blue ball below. This was the second recorded case of love at first sight in the history of all history. But this was not like the love the Moon felt for the Sun. This was a protective love, like a parent finding its lost child. The Moon knew that the music had brought it here to watch over this “newness” in the universe. It was then that the Sun, a bit startled, noticed the Moon by its side. For a split second, the music stopped and it was just the Moon and the Sun looking at each other. The music started again and the Sun became noticeably warmer. That had never happened before. The Moon felt the increased heat from the Sun but it made no difference. If need be, the Moon would gladly be consumed by its fire.

The Suns new temperature had a strange effect on the “newness” below. The dark blue color turned into a light blue color. The Moon must have noticed the change below too and accidently bumped into the Sun slightly scorching itself in the process. They circled the “newness” and danced to the music for a long time. During this long dance they shared several kisses. Each kiss poked a tiny bright hole into all the darkness around them. By the time the Sun and the Moon finished dancing the entire universe was littered with distant burning stars. The “newness” had also changed. It was glowing thick with life.

The Sun had grown in size during this dance but the Moon had remained the same. The flames from the Sun had also increased in heat. The Sun knew it would soon be time to leave. The Moon may have been brought here to protect the “newness”, but the Sun was brought here to protect the Moon. At first, the Moon protested the Suns departure but deep down the Moon knew it was time for the Sun leave. For the Moon knew that the “newness” could not reach its full potential if the Sun remained so close. So the Moon and the Sun shared one last dance around the blue planet listening to the beautiful music that had only stopped playing once since they had been together.

The Sun was now burning so bright and was so massive that the Moon knew it would always be able to see the Sun through the darkness. They shared one last kiss and then the Sun left the Moon to watch over the blue planet. The Sun would watch over both of them from a distant place where the music was faint but still beautiful as ever. To this day the Sun and the Moon wait until they can once again dance across the universe together.