I've started to realize that we are all a combination of different persons wrapped in a shell of confusion. There's the person we want to be, the person others see us as, the person we're afraid might actually be, and the person we are. This pieced up personality probably develops because deep down inside most people want to be special. The worlds cruel trick is that is has convinced most of us we are not special when the fact is we are Kings and Queens. But, most of us refuse to acknowledge this truth and we hide beneath our skins.
I've noticed that my dreams are getting stranger the older I get. they also seem to be getting more informative. Like the universe is extending a celestial hand in my direction to help me stand on my own two feet. I've met a lot of people in my life. I can remember most of them. It's a strange gift I have. I can remember people, I have to see them though. I'm not so good with names. But give me the face and I can remember. The people who I'm lucky enough to call friends are the ones who have sparked that inner light yearning to shine bright beneath my skin. I know they are my friends because my body tells me so. If I spend just a little bit of time with a person I can tell if they could be my friend or not. I spend a lot of time with people who are not friends in my current job. Being around a friend is almost like having a life saver thrown to me in a sea of assholes. But I have to acknowledge that one person's asshole is another person's life-mate or best friend in the whole wide world. It's all relative. I'm sure I'm looked at as a bastard or a prick in many a circle.
But for me, being around a friend is a special experience. Having a friend is a gift that I try not to take for granted. The better the friend the more I can be myself. I don't feel myself pretending around them. I'm not so concerned with the daily rituals we all learn at an early age. Smile, be polite, don't fart! Fuck that shit...I'm farting and I'm farting loudly!!! Having friends is essential to the human experience. Have you ever met a person who didn't have friends. You know the type, they announce how they don't have friends and try to wear it like a badge of honor. I can't stand the bold face lie. They are hurting inside I tell you. They want that bond, we all do. They just don't know how to ask for help. Asking for help makes us vulnerable. I know, because I'm pretty sure I used to be one of those people. "All I need is myself". I'm a fucking island and no ones getting on. Sure, I might take my boat and leave every once in a while but when I get scared or uncomfortable I can always jump back in my boat and paddle back to safety. The problem is, being on an island alone isn't all that safe. The food source will run out eventually and you end up talking to a deflated volleyball. I'm speaking from experience here.
I enjoying hearing from the people who have managed to remain a part of my life. I feel we are cosmically connected to each other. Think about it, in this throw-away society it is quite the feat to maintain friendships and unions. It's easier to walk away sometimes and find a new one. Don't get me wrong, sometimes people just suck and you need to get as far away from them as you can, but sometimes you should take a deep breath and be willing to look in the mirror. I used to hate mirrors. It's hard to look at yourself sometimes. I have burned many a bridge in my day, many a bridge. I'm actually in the process of repairing a few of them. Lucky for me, they didn't allow me to burn our bridge completely through. The fucked up thing is that I really tried. It was like the madness consumed me and I just wanted to watch the blaze burn. I think I thought it would clean everything out. After all, forest fires bring about new life in the forest right? That's what we always here. But a bridge ain't a fucking forest, it's a connection.
My thing....that is to say, one of my issues is that I get antsy when I accumulate stuff. I give things away all the time. Something about having what I consider to be "too much stuff" makes me feel strange. Like I don't deserve to have all these things. That feeling doesn't end at inanimate objects. I think it transfers itself onto people. Ask my closest friends. I can be a distant fuck. I don't know if I'm testing people or what, but I do it. I'm getting better but I still do it. I've lost some really good people in my life pulling that shit. I am getting smarter with age though. I'm aware. I'm trying.
Friendships and relationships are amazing things. Don't take them lightly and don't forget to tell people what they mean to you. They won't always be around. Life is tricky that way. Fight back that fear that accompanies baring your feelings. Most people have been conditioned to bury their feelings, to protect their egos. I find my body still fights against my inclination to expose my heart to my partner and my friends. But, here I sit, typing these words:
I love some of you, I like the majority of you and I care about all of you...Toby and Alex can guess where they fit in....Dicks!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Friday Night Fights?
I don't drink very often. This is not so much a health choice as it is a financial choice. It takes a lot of the fire water to get me drunk so I usually don't bother. When I do drink I don't drink to get drunk I drink because I like the taste of beer. But, I've seen what happens to the human body when people drink too much and it ain't pretty so I end up having a cocktail or a beverage about two to three times a month. This past Friday I went out with some folks from my work. The drinks were flowing and most in my party were buzzed if not sloppy. I was drinking but I could tell early on this was not going to be a night Chris feeling good with drink. Being the only one in a party who can see the trees in the forest means that I bare a certain amount of responsibility. You end up calming down the more rambunctious members and apologizing to strangers for certain behaviors. The thing about Korea is that everyone gets drunk in this country. It's so strange to see person after person being carried by their friends. It's like watching the Korean version of the movie Weekend at Bernies over and over again. These people might as well be dead. They can't walk and they can't speak.
It became very clear to me this Friday that Koreans get drunk in a different way than the foreigners do. Most foreigners get drunk like frat boys. They are loud, annoying, belligerent, and horny. Koreans are not usually loud in their drunkenness. It's actually quite the opposite. They are strangely quiet, like human jellyfish floating aimlessly through the narrow streets. I find myself avoiding them for fear of somehow getting stung. But I was not out with jellyfish, I was out with foreigners. They were more like sharks, constantly moving around and talking less they suffocate. I have never liked to go out in large groups. I don't like having that much attention directed my way but in Korea it doesn't matter. I'm going to have attention given to me regardless of the number of people in my party. Friday was a good night for people watching.
I'm still amazed at how skinny Korean people are. They just don't have mass. It has made me aware of how big boned I truly am. The ironic thing is that Koreans do not move. They don't get out of the way for you. They cut in front of you and they attempt to push through people. This, in turn, forces me to walk like I'm surrounded by eggs. The last thing I want to do is break a Korean so I move out of the way and I slow my walk when the crowd becomes to thick. Sometimes, when I'm irritated, I don't move. My posture is stiff and I become a human tank. It usually takes the sacrifice of three Korean eggs before they realize this foreign guy has had enough for the day. They approach me and assume that I'm going to move out of their way. I can see the look on their face when they realize I'm not moving and it's too late for them to get out of my way. After the third of forth Korean is sent flying off my body a pathway begins to form in front of me and I walk unobstructed for the remainder of my trip. But I save this attitude for those days where I find myself wishing I was any where else in the world. Lucky for me those days have been few.
Friday was entertaining enough. I ate good food and hung out in some interesting bars. Koreans love hip-hop. Which is kind of ironic because I'd say the majority of Koreans are scared of black people. But they love the hip-hop. 80's hip hip. That's right....80's hip-hop. It would be embarrassing if it were not for the fact that everybody in this category dresses like Easy-E is still alive and they are going to a Doug-E Fresh concert. So I silently chuckle to myself at the absurd perfectness of it all. There are a lot of hip-hop clubs in Korea and I went to about half of them on Friday. My friends kept wanting to go so I followed. We also went into a bar that can only be described as unique. It reminded my of Yoda's house in The Empire Strikes Backs. It was all white with rounded walls. It was like drinking inside of a giant cave on some distant planet. Before you enter the bar, you take your shoes off and put them in plastic bags which are provided for you. This is so your shoes don't get wet if you feet slip into one of the many crevices on the floor which are filled with flowing water. There are no chairs in the bar, only pillows that circle thick, cut logs which you can place your drinks on. I will definitely be going back to this place.
I sometimes feel like the Korean women are having a private contest to see who can wear the shortest dress or skirt. I found the winner this Friday. Her "dress" if you can call it that was the shortest thing I've ever seen. It would barely have covered a new born baby....a premature newborn baby. I found myself feeling very uncomfortable for her until I remembered it was Korea and nobody cares. Korean men don't hassle women the way Americans and other foreigners do. Korean men are more interested in their buddies than they are women walking around. It's one of the things they do that I think foreign guys could learn from. They don't whistle at women, make crude comments, or look at them like they are walking vagina's. So the scrap of clothing this girl had on did not turn a single head. I also happened to be the only foreign face on the street at that time. I had walked outside to speak with my girlfriend and left my friends downstairs.
The night was pretty uneventful until we got in a cab to take us back to our city. We were probably 20 minutes by car away. By the time we left there were only four people left in my party. Three foreigners and one Korean named Jerry. Jerry was probably the first Korean that I made friends with when I arrived here. We all work together. So Jerry negotiated the price for the cab ride and they proceeded to pass out cold while we drove home. Unfortunately, I was not drunk and stayed awake for the ride from hell. Korean cab drivers are crazy enough when there is lots of traffic but give them open road at 3am and it's like speed racer. This man was driving so fast that it was like being on a roller coaster without the guarantee. If I had been drunk I would have thrown up and if I had been full I would have shit myself. This man should not be allowed to drive. But, we arrived safely and filed out of the cab. This is when the fireworks started. The meter read 34 dollars and he tried to charge us 45 dollars for the ride. We had negotiated 33 dollars for the ride before we got in. When we argued with the man he got out of the cab and 5ft 2in. of Korean fury was unleashed on us. Three drunk guys, myself and an angry cab driver. This was how my Friday night ended. I'm not sure if he ended up getting the extra money he was trying to extort from us but I ended up giving Jerry an extra 10,000 won and telling him to pay this asshole but not before letting him know that he was a dishonest fuck who deserves to be beat and left on the other side of the DMZ (North Korea).
Now that little statement might sound like I was drunk but I was just angry. There are a lot of things that happen in Korea involving money which are completely unfair. You have to live hear to get the full effect of it. It boils down to the fact that people lie. They lie to you about service and they lie to you about how much something is really going to cost. They usually wait until the service has been rendered and then they try and intimidate you into paying. I fear that one day this tactic is going to be used when I'm in a really bad mood. I might get kicked a couple times but once I get in close I will knock a mother fucker out! Just kidding....kind of. I consider myself to be pretty non-violent these days but sometimes I taste the salty anger of my youth.
I think I've had my fill of going out on the weekends for this month. I think I've had my fill of a lot of things. The older I get the more patience I find I have for people but the less patience I have for bullshit. There's a lot of bullshit in this country.
It became very clear to me this Friday that Koreans get drunk in a different way than the foreigners do. Most foreigners get drunk like frat boys. They are loud, annoying, belligerent, and horny. Koreans are not usually loud in their drunkenness. It's actually quite the opposite. They are strangely quiet, like human jellyfish floating aimlessly through the narrow streets. I find myself avoiding them for fear of somehow getting stung. But I was not out with jellyfish, I was out with foreigners. They were more like sharks, constantly moving around and talking less they suffocate. I have never liked to go out in large groups. I don't like having that much attention directed my way but in Korea it doesn't matter. I'm going to have attention given to me regardless of the number of people in my party. Friday was a good night for people watching.
I'm still amazed at how skinny Korean people are. They just don't have mass. It has made me aware of how big boned I truly am. The ironic thing is that Koreans do not move. They don't get out of the way for you. They cut in front of you and they attempt to push through people. This, in turn, forces me to walk like I'm surrounded by eggs. The last thing I want to do is break a Korean so I move out of the way and I slow my walk when the crowd becomes to thick. Sometimes, when I'm irritated, I don't move. My posture is stiff and I become a human tank. It usually takes the sacrifice of three Korean eggs before they realize this foreign guy has had enough for the day. They approach me and assume that I'm going to move out of their way. I can see the look on their face when they realize I'm not moving and it's too late for them to get out of my way. After the third of forth Korean is sent flying off my body a pathway begins to form in front of me and I walk unobstructed for the remainder of my trip. But I save this attitude for those days where I find myself wishing I was any where else in the world. Lucky for me those days have been few.
Friday was entertaining enough. I ate good food and hung out in some interesting bars. Koreans love hip-hop. Which is kind of ironic because I'd say the majority of Koreans are scared of black people. But they love the hip-hop. 80's hip hip. That's right....80's hip-hop. It would be embarrassing if it were not for the fact that everybody in this category dresses like Easy-E is still alive and they are going to a Doug-E Fresh concert. So I silently chuckle to myself at the absurd perfectness of it all. There are a lot of hip-hop clubs in Korea and I went to about half of them on Friday. My friends kept wanting to go so I followed. We also went into a bar that can only be described as unique. It reminded my of Yoda's house in The Empire Strikes Backs. It was all white with rounded walls. It was like drinking inside of a giant cave on some distant planet. Before you enter the bar, you take your shoes off and put them in plastic bags which are provided for you. This is so your shoes don't get wet if you feet slip into one of the many crevices on the floor which are filled with flowing water. There are no chairs in the bar, only pillows that circle thick, cut logs which you can place your drinks on. I will definitely be going back to this place.
I sometimes feel like the Korean women are having a private contest to see who can wear the shortest dress or skirt. I found the winner this Friday. Her "dress" if you can call it that was the shortest thing I've ever seen. It would barely have covered a new born baby....a premature newborn baby. I found myself feeling very uncomfortable for her until I remembered it was Korea and nobody cares. Korean men don't hassle women the way Americans and other foreigners do. Korean men are more interested in their buddies than they are women walking around. It's one of the things they do that I think foreign guys could learn from. They don't whistle at women, make crude comments, or look at them like they are walking vagina's. So the scrap of clothing this girl had on did not turn a single head. I also happened to be the only foreign face on the street at that time. I had walked outside to speak with my girlfriend and left my friends downstairs.
The night was pretty uneventful until we got in a cab to take us back to our city. We were probably 20 minutes by car away. By the time we left there were only four people left in my party. Three foreigners and one Korean named Jerry. Jerry was probably the first Korean that I made friends with when I arrived here. We all work together. So Jerry negotiated the price for the cab ride and they proceeded to pass out cold while we drove home. Unfortunately, I was not drunk and stayed awake for the ride from hell. Korean cab drivers are crazy enough when there is lots of traffic but give them open road at 3am and it's like speed racer. This man was driving so fast that it was like being on a roller coaster without the guarantee. If I had been drunk I would have thrown up and if I had been full I would have shit myself. This man should not be allowed to drive. But, we arrived safely and filed out of the cab. This is when the fireworks started. The meter read 34 dollars and he tried to charge us 45 dollars for the ride. We had negotiated 33 dollars for the ride before we got in. When we argued with the man he got out of the cab and 5ft 2in. of Korean fury was unleashed on us. Three drunk guys, myself and an angry cab driver. This was how my Friday night ended. I'm not sure if he ended up getting the extra money he was trying to extort from us but I ended up giving Jerry an extra 10,000 won and telling him to pay this asshole but not before letting him know that he was a dishonest fuck who deserves to be beat and left on the other side of the DMZ (North Korea).
Now that little statement might sound like I was drunk but I was just angry. There are a lot of things that happen in Korea involving money which are completely unfair. You have to live hear to get the full effect of it. It boils down to the fact that people lie. They lie to you about service and they lie to you about how much something is really going to cost. They usually wait until the service has been rendered and then they try and intimidate you into paying. I fear that one day this tactic is going to be used when I'm in a really bad mood. I might get kicked a couple times but once I get in close I will knock a mother fucker out! Just kidding....kind of. I consider myself to be pretty non-violent these days but sometimes I taste the salty anger of my youth.
I think I've had my fill of going out on the weekends for this month. I think I've had my fill of a lot of things. The older I get the more patience I find I have for people but the less patience I have for bullshit. There's a lot of bullshit in this country.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Jesus Camp
I just finished watching the documentary "Jesus Camp" for the first time and the first thing that comes to mind is....HOLY SHIT. I have not been entertained like that in a very long time. This is what watching a public execution must have been like back in the days of kings, knights, dragons, and maidens. I could not stop watching it. I knew it was wrong and I felt a piece of my humanity leave my body but I kept my eyes glued to the screen. Maybe I was seeing things but there's this one scene where all the little kids are crying and "speaking in tongues" working themselves into a fever. Their faces are turning red and their dripping with sweat. I started to think to myself, "wow, that's a lot of crazy white children." Right at that moment the camera focused in a little black boy. This young man looked dead into the lens and I swear to God he mouthed the words "Help Me!"
I love horror movies and this movie scared the living shit out of me. I would recommend it highly. The scariest thing about this movie is that there are millions of these people....millions. Millions and millions of these people running around the nation unchecked. What's ironic is that these are the same people who fear "the Muslims" because of their extreme beliefs. Religion ain't my thing. Never has been probably never will be. Since a spent the first half of my life in a religious environment I feel that I have an interesting perspective on religion . I don't need to go into details about it but lets just say extreme views, regardless of the topic, usually breed negative rhetoric and actions. Religion doesn't scare me but certain people who practice it do.
The main lady in the movie said something that really summed up my stereotype of these people. She said something like, "The Jews have their religion and Muslims do what they do but I have the Truth." She said this with a shit eating grin on her face that sent a deep chill down my spine. That's the look that will end the world. That's the look that will push "the button" and launch the bombs. That is the look that will make sure everyone drinks the Kool-Aide. Human being are such fucking hypocrites. I don't know if it's in our DNA or what but not a single one of us is immune from this condition. Every last one of us! There has to be some common ground. There has to be. It can't be this my way or the highway shit. That attitude has gotten us no where. It is my hope that the majority of our country whom I believe lays somewhere in the middle of this extreme continuum will tire of the two sides. It is my belief that we middle folk are getting pretty fucking tired of the two extreme sides taking up all the airtime. The ultra Right and the ultra Left have hogged the lime light for long enough. The time of the middle is approaching....God willing!
I love horror movies and this movie scared the living shit out of me. I would recommend it highly. The scariest thing about this movie is that there are millions of these people....millions. Millions and millions of these people running around the nation unchecked. What's ironic is that these are the same people who fear "the Muslims" because of their extreme beliefs. Religion ain't my thing. Never has been probably never will be. Since a spent the first half of my life in a religious environment I feel that I have an interesting perspective on religion . I don't need to go into details about it but lets just say extreme views, regardless of the topic, usually breed negative rhetoric and actions. Religion doesn't scare me but certain people who practice it do.
The main lady in the movie said something that really summed up my stereotype of these people. She said something like, "The Jews have their religion and Muslims do what they do but I have the Truth." She said this with a shit eating grin on her face that sent a deep chill down my spine. That's the look that will end the world. That's the look that will push "the button" and launch the bombs. That is the look that will make sure everyone drinks the Kool-Aide. Human being are such fucking hypocrites. I don't know if it's in our DNA or what but not a single one of us is immune from this condition. Every last one of us! There has to be some common ground. There has to be. It can't be this my way or the highway shit. That attitude has gotten us no where. It is my hope that the majority of our country whom I believe lays somewhere in the middle of this extreme continuum will tire of the two sides. It is my belief that we middle folk are getting pretty fucking tired of the two extreme sides taking up all the airtime. The ultra Right and the ultra Left have hogged the lime light for long enough. The time of the middle is approaching....God willing!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
You Cow!
"Chris, you have big eye...like cow...very good."
"Uhhhh, thanks?"
"Very big! Very round. I like..."
"Thank you....that is a compliment right?"
"Yes, in Korea, cow eye, very pretty, you cow".
"Oh, cool. Thanks."
I've been teaching the adults for the past few weeks and I love it. I can have conversations with them. Not that I can't with the kids but the adults are more detailed in their replies. The adults help give me insight into the Koreans closer to my age. Towards the end of the day we have conversation class and this is where I got the compliment about my....cowness. I never looked at cow eyes as being pretty but I'll take it. This conversation led to an interesting comment. I was sitting at a table of eight women and after they complimented me on my eyes they started to complain about their own eyes. They all said that they wished they had wide eyes. They discussed the plastic surgery procedure where the eye lid is cut to produce a more....."western" style shape to the eye. So sad. I told them that the world would be a boring place if we all looked the same and that variety in eye shapes is a good thing...they were having none of it. They kind of shrugged me off and discussed present prices of the surgery.
I've got my own issues. I'm unhappy with a lot of physical things about myself. I feel that my stomach is playing tricks on me. Some days it looks normal, other days I appear to be taking on Santa like qualities. I wish I was 3 inches taller. I've actually tried to will myself into being 6 feet taller...it has yet to work. But I don't have Micheal Jackson syndrome. I don't hate the features that are common in my ethnic make up. I don't hate the color of my skin. My full, supple lips are a godsend, and I find my nose to be just the right size. I do have some tiny ass ears though. I am constantly being reminded how small my ears are by the Koreans. You'd think they have never seen small ears before. Maybe a head as big as mine deserves bigger ears? My point about Korean eyes is this. The entire Republic of Korea (South Korea) is about 98.8% Korean. These eyes are all over the country and it's sad that so many Korean women feel their eyes are not good enough.
I find myself missing Portland at times but when it comes down to it the more things change the more they stay the same. Different landscape same human issues. I have friends here who act just like the friends I have back home. I have this buddy here who is cheaper than Toby. I didn't think this was possible but apparently it is. This guy is a great person. He's helpful, loyal, intelligent, etc. but fuck is he cheap. Now remember, we don't pay rent here. We get our paycheck and those of us who have debt pay a percentage off each month and then we are still left with a nice size chunk of change to play with. The thing is, there's really nothing to play with in Korea once you've been here a while. I mean, there's always something to buy but after a while if you're still making big purchases then I think you have a shopping problem. Items are cheaper over here. I really have to try hard to spend all my money here. With the exception of traveling (which I hope to do very soon) things just don't cost much. But this buddy of mine still finds reasons to be cheap. But he's crafty just like Toby. He's the guy who is around when your getting a pizza but says he's not hungry. So you pay for the pizza and he ends up eating half of it. This actually happened recently. This dude actually haggled over 20 cents in Cambodia. He was bragging about it. Cambodia is cheap as fuck. You could live like a king there for a couple of month with a thousands bucks and my friend was haggling over what came to 20 cents. My other buddy and I have a plan in the works to teach him a lesson.
It's funny that no matter where you go you still find people who are just like the people you've always known. But the good thing about living in a foreign country is finding people who are like no one you've ever known.
There is something I've been noticing more and more here that is disturbing. I've seen several men raise their hands towards women they are with and two of them have made physical contact. I was walking with Danielle when we spotted a young man aggressively talking to a young woman. He put his hand to her head and pushed hard, her head when limp and she did not resist. Danielle made the observation that she had the expression on her face like deserved the reaction she was getting. We slowed our pace and looked at the two people but they didn't seem to notice us. They also didn't seem to notice to two elderly Korean women who were watching them. I've heard stories from other foreign teachers who have seen men cock back and slap their wives or girlfriends while they were walking by. It's so weird to be a foreigner and see some shit go down that you know in your heart is wrong. I don't think being a foreigner is a good reason to not stop abuse but I feel like that's what I did. I can justify walking by this man pushing the woman's head because he didn't punch her or slap her but I know that's bullshit. It's not really like me not to inject myself into a situation like that and as you can tell it's been eating me up ever since. I mean, this is the kind of situation I read about in college. This is the kind of situation I've stepped in on in the past....so why does being in a foreign country change the reaction I have? I don't know but I'm going to figure it out because I have a sinking feeling I'm going to be put in this situation again.
"Uhhhh, thanks?"
"Very big! Very round. I like..."
"Thank you....that is a compliment right?"
"Yes, in Korea, cow eye, very pretty, you cow".
"Oh, cool. Thanks."
I've been teaching the adults for the past few weeks and I love it. I can have conversations with them. Not that I can't with the kids but the adults are more detailed in their replies. The adults help give me insight into the Koreans closer to my age. Towards the end of the day we have conversation class and this is where I got the compliment about my....cowness. I never looked at cow eyes as being pretty but I'll take it. This conversation led to an interesting comment. I was sitting at a table of eight women and after they complimented me on my eyes they started to complain about their own eyes. They all said that they wished they had wide eyes. They discussed the plastic surgery procedure where the eye lid is cut to produce a more....."western" style shape to the eye. So sad. I told them that the world would be a boring place if we all looked the same and that variety in eye shapes is a good thing...they were having none of it. They kind of shrugged me off and discussed present prices of the surgery.
I've got my own issues. I'm unhappy with a lot of physical things about myself. I feel that my stomach is playing tricks on me. Some days it looks normal, other days I appear to be taking on Santa like qualities. I wish I was 3 inches taller. I've actually tried to will myself into being 6 feet taller...it has yet to work. But I don't have Micheal Jackson syndrome. I don't hate the features that are common in my ethnic make up. I don't hate the color of my skin. My full, supple lips are a godsend, and I find my nose to be just the right size. I do have some tiny ass ears though. I am constantly being reminded how small my ears are by the Koreans. You'd think they have never seen small ears before. Maybe a head as big as mine deserves bigger ears? My point about Korean eyes is this. The entire Republic of Korea (South Korea) is about 98.8% Korean. These eyes are all over the country and it's sad that so many Korean women feel their eyes are not good enough.
I find myself missing Portland at times but when it comes down to it the more things change the more they stay the same. Different landscape same human issues. I have friends here who act just like the friends I have back home. I have this buddy here who is cheaper than Toby. I didn't think this was possible but apparently it is. This guy is a great person. He's helpful, loyal, intelligent, etc. but fuck is he cheap. Now remember, we don't pay rent here. We get our paycheck and those of us who have debt pay a percentage off each month and then we are still left with a nice size chunk of change to play with. The thing is, there's really nothing to play with in Korea once you've been here a while. I mean, there's always something to buy but after a while if you're still making big purchases then I think you have a shopping problem. Items are cheaper over here. I really have to try hard to spend all my money here. With the exception of traveling (which I hope to do very soon) things just don't cost much. But this buddy of mine still finds reasons to be cheap. But he's crafty just like Toby. He's the guy who is around when your getting a pizza but says he's not hungry. So you pay for the pizza and he ends up eating half of it. This actually happened recently. This dude actually haggled over 20 cents in Cambodia. He was bragging about it. Cambodia is cheap as fuck. You could live like a king there for a couple of month with a thousands bucks and my friend was haggling over what came to 20 cents. My other buddy and I have a plan in the works to teach him a lesson.
It's funny that no matter where you go you still find people who are just like the people you've always known. But the good thing about living in a foreign country is finding people who are like no one you've ever known.
There is something I've been noticing more and more here that is disturbing. I've seen several men raise their hands towards women they are with and two of them have made physical contact. I was walking with Danielle when we spotted a young man aggressively talking to a young woman. He put his hand to her head and pushed hard, her head when limp and she did not resist. Danielle made the observation that she had the expression on her face like deserved the reaction she was getting. We slowed our pace and looked at the two people but they didn't seem to notice us. They also didn't seem to notice to two elderly Korean women who were watching them. I've heard stories from other foreign teachers who have seen men cock back and slap their wives or girlfriends while they were walking by. It's so weird to be a foreigner and see some shit go down that you know in your heart is wrong. I don't think being a foreigner is a good reason to not stop abuse but I feel like that's what I did. I can justify walking by this man pushing the woman's head because he didn't punch her or slap her but I know that's bullshit. It's not really like me not to inject myself into a situation like that and as you can tell it's been eating me up ever since. I mean, this is the kind of situation I read about in college. This is the kind of situation I've stepped in on in the past....so why does being in a foreign country change the reaction I have? I don't know but I'm going to figure it out because I have a sinking feeling I'm going to be put in this situation again.
Friday, July 11, 2008
The Break Up
Watching two people who love each other and care about each other fight is extremely uncomfortable. Watching two people who love each other go through a bad break up is almost unbearable. I find that I am mentally injecting myself into the scenario. I know how I would handle the situation but we are all different. This is the second marriage I've seen go south since I've been in South Korea. Is it the place that I work or is it the people who come here? I have a suspicion it's a bit of both. The first couple I watched go the way of the titanic did not affect me at all. I was not friends with them so I was a complete observer to the destruction of that relationship.
Their demise was a cliche and I say it coming from a mile away. The story is quite simple actually, here's the short version. A fat girl loses a whole bunch of weight and becomes a health nut. She moves to South Korea to teach for a year with her husband of four years. Three of those years she was fat or unhealthily over-weight. Some people don't like the word fat but I'm not one of those people. So the happy couple move to South Korea and she finds a new man in six months. The start a love affair and pretty soon the husband finds out (along with the entire campus). They got a divorce about two months ago and she moved away with her new beau. Now most people at my work treated her like shit after they found out what she was doing but I treated her the same. I did not know a thing about her relationship with her husband. I knew them both from work and I really had no impression of them. Although I think honesty and loyalty are important qualities for a person to have, I also believe that people should follow their hearts.
Now the second relationship I've watched crap out involved a pretty good friend I've made here. I'm not going to give details but what I do know is that the lines of communication were severed a long time ago. She flew home, he's still here and they are both miserable. I know they love each other but I think they both hate each other at the moment too.
Their relationship really got me thinking about how I used to be and how I am now. I used to hold on to relationships until they disintegrated in my hands. I didn't like to give up and I had the ridiculous idea that I could change the way someone felt. As I'm typing this I realize I'm making it sound like I changed my ways a long time ago but the truth is it has only been less than a year since I've learned this lesson. You can't change people and what's more is you shouldn't want to. You shouldn't want to be with someone who does not want to be with you. You shouldn't want to hold on to someone because you don't want them to be with someone else. I've been lucky enough to learn a lot about who I am with the same person. I know that it is impossible to be truly happy in a relationship if you are unhappy with yourself. Cheesy but O' so true. I know that you can not expect to receive love from others if you don't respect or love yourself. Most importantly, I know that we all deserve to be respected and treated with dignity.
I don't feel sorry for my friend and he wouldn't want me to. I just hope he and his wife can find the respect they lost for each other and start from there. They both deserve that much.
Their demise was a cliche and I say it coming from a mile away. The story is quite simple actually, here's the short version. A fat girl loses a whole bunch of weight and becomes a health nut. She moves to South Korea to teach for a year with her husband of four years. Three of those years she was fat or unhealthily over-weight. Some people don't like the word fat but I'm not one of those people. So the happy couple move to South Korea and she finds a new man in six months. The start a love affair and pretty soon the husband finds out (along with the entire campus). They got a divorce about two months ago and she moved away with her new beau. Now most people at my work treated her like shit after they found out what she was doing but I treated her the same. I did not know a thing about her relationship with her husband. I knew them both from work and I really had no impression of them. Although I think honesty and loyalty are important qualities for a person to have, I also believe that people should follow their hearts.
Now the second relationship I've watched crap out involved a pretty good friend I've made here. I'm not going to give details but what I do know is that the lines of communication were severed a long time ago. She flew home, he's still here and they are both miserable. I know they love each other but I think they both hate each other at the moment too.
Their relationship really got me thinking about how I used to be and how I am now. I used to hold on to relationships until they disintegrated in my hands. I didn't like to give up and I had the ridiculous idea that I could change the way someone felt. As I'm typing this I realize I'm making it sound like I changed my ways a long time ago but the truth is it has only been less than a year since I've learned this lesson. You can't change people and what's more is you shouldn't want to. You shouldn't want to be with someone who does not want to be with you. You shouldn't want to hold on to someone because you don't want them to be with someone else. I've been lucky enough to learn a lot about who I am with the same person. I know that it is impossible to be truly happy in a relationship if you are unhappy with yourself. Cheesy but O' so true. I know that you can not expect to receive love from others if you don't respect or love yourself. Most importantly, I know that we all deserve to be respected and treated with dignity.
I don't feel sorry for my friend and he wouldn't want me to. I just hope he and his wife can find the respect they lost for each other and start from there. They both deserve that much.
Friday, July 4, 2008
The Other Side
"If you always do what you've always done, you're always gonna get what you've always got".
1.If you live your life not trusting people then you will continue to find that you can't trust people. 2.If you don't let people inside of your heart then no one will ever get inside your heart. 3.Keeping people who care about you at a distance will ensure you will always be distant from those who care about you.
I knew that the only barriers were going to be the ones I created for myself. I could go where ever I wanted. The romanticized idea of the other side faded away and I appreciated what had always been there. I didn't have to give anything up unless I wanted to. When the fence disappeared all of my old excuses blew away in the wind. There was nothing left to attach themselves to. As I watched these excuses float off into the atmosphere it occurred to me that the fence had been constructed out of fear. I had spent so much time afraid of all the things I had imagined I was missing on the other side that I never appreciated the present. Now that the fence was no longer there the entire world seemed to come into view. I smiled slightly realizing how close I had come to living my life looking over fences that didn't really exist.
Chris W
1.If you live your life not trusting people then you will continue to find that you can't trust people. 2.If you don't let people inside of your heart then no one will ever get inside your heart. 3.Keeping people who care about you at a distance will ensure you will always be distant from those who care about you.
Beyond
I used to look over the fence and admire all the beautiful green grass on the other side. I wondered what it would be like to live on that side of the fence. Sometimes, I would hop over it and roll around the new grass. But, after a while, I found that it left stains on my clothes just like the grass on my side. It smelled much like the grass on my side and it felt a lot like the grass on my side. Then, quite suddenly, I realized the so called fence was in my imagination. It disappeared and I was left standing alone in the middle of the whole wide world, no fences in sight. I knew that the only barriers were going to be the ones I created for myself. I could go where ever I wanted. The romanticized idea of the other side faded away and I appreciated what had always been there. I didn't have to give anything up unless I wanted to. When the fence disappeared all of my old excuses blew away in the wind. There was nothing left to attach themselves to. As I watched these excuses float off into the atmosphere it occurred to me that the fence had been constructed out of fear. I had spent so much time afraid of all the things I had imagined I was missing on the other side that I never appreciated the present. Now that the fence was no longer there the entire world seemed to come into view. I smiled slightly realizing how close I had come to living my life looking over fences that didn't really exist.
Chris W
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