Harrison Ford did not play Luke Skywalker!!!!!!!

There's serious problem in my relationship with Danielle. This problem has been there for a long time but I have, until now, been able to make excuses for it. I've ignored the problem altogether in some cases. This problem has nothing to do with me and absolutely everything to do with Danielle. It started over two years ago when she looked at me strangely after I made a comment about Star Trek and how James T. Kirk is one of the coolest white men to ever grace the silver and the small screen. I let her mocking glances slide because I liked her. However, after this rather warm Korean morning I don't know if I can keep making excuses for her "short-comings". I turned on the television in her apartment and watched the last ten minutes of the Fugitive starring Harrison Ford. Side note: Harrison Ford gets beat up in the majority of his films. He's always getting tortured, shot, burned, punched, kicked, frozen in Carbonite, etc. Now, some of you may have noticed I just wrote "frozen in Carbonite". Obviously I'm referring to the Empire Strikes Back which leads us to Danielle's problem and possibly the end of our relationship.

After The Fugitive ended Danielle turns to me and I shit you not, this woman says to me, "I didn't realize he played Luke in Star Wars until recently." Now after the shock of such a mis-statement released its grip on my soul I was left speechless. "Did she seriously just say that Harrison fucking Ford played fucking Luke Skywalker in Star Wars?" "Holy Shit!" Now I have to break up with Danielle after more then 2 years together. I could forgive the whole Star Trek thing but not Star Wars! Not Star Wars! You have to fucking know Star Wars! I looked into those beautiful crystal pools she calls eyes to search for a hint of jest. Surly she's jesting me, she's pulling my leg, she's fucking with me...nope! She was serious. There was no crack of a smile forming on that angelic face of hers. There was no gleam of mischievousness in the sparkle of her eyes. There was only the silence filling the room. The silence of Danielle believing Harrison fucking Ford played Luke Skywalker Star Wars.

What's next Danielle? What's next? Perhaps you believe Superman dresses up like a bat and fights crime in Gotham? Do you even know who the Flash is? Do you!?! Who would win in a fight, Batman or Superman! Quickly, don't think about it, just answer! Batman! The answer is always going to be Batman! My God woman...two years, two years we've been together and you pull this shit on me now??? What the fuck? Who do you think you are? This was all inner conversation I was having with myself of course. What I said aloud was, "Excuse me?" She started to repeat her verbal sin when I had to cut her off and say, "no, no, no, Harrison Ford played Han Solo not Luke Skywalker." She laughed it off and said, "Oh, yeah, that's what I meant to say." The silence returned. What do you mean that's what you meant to say? Who makes a mistake like that? Everybody knows you're either a Luke Skywalker person or you're a Han Solo person, and everybody also knows that if you're cool you're a freaking Han Solo person!!! You don't make mistakes like that! Holy shit...do you think Superman would actually win in a fight against Batman? Or worse...do you not even think about such fights even taking place??? Who are you? Who the hell are you woman!!! Do you mean to tell me that you are laughing at me when I talk about Star Trek and not laughing because you are so ashamed of yourself for not knowing anything about it?

Then came the final blow. She was like Tyson in his youth, not the Tyson who bites peoples ears off. She was one punch Tyson and her punch packed a mighty blow in the form of her final statement on the matter. She must have noticed that I looked disgusted with her so she said, "I've only seen Star Wars once and I didn't see any of the others." Holy Shit!!!!! Holy Shit! This is the worse day of my life. How is it possible I've kissed those lips that spit this acid? Am I dreaming? Did she say she's only seen Star Wars once? Did she say that she hasn't seen Empire Strikes Back or Return of the Jedi??? Ohhh, the room is spinning. The room is spinning and I'm going to be sick. I've got to sit down. Somebody get a bucket, I'm going to puke. I've spent the past two years with a person who's only seen Star Wars and just once! Jesus woman, you really don't know what the "T" in James T. Kirk stands for! I thought you were joking. Have you ever read a comic book? I just assumed you have. So where does this leave us???

I don't know. I was too afraid to talk to you about this while I was at your apartment so I thought it would be way more appropriate to discuss the matter on my public blog. I know you read my blogs so I figured I could get every thing out in the open this way. What am I to do Danielle? Tell me. This is unforgivable. Couldn't you just kiss some dude or something like that. We could work through that but I don't know if we can work through this....Harrison fucking Ford played Luke Skywalker? Jesus! I gotta go take a shower. We'll talk about this later.