Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

Man...this week has been crap. You ever been doing really well or at least you think you're doing really well and then reality checks your ass to the floor? That's what happened to me. Luckily I have some really good friends who I can talk to about stuff though. I feel like a lump of the leg of a bug that is sitting on the lump of a log. I had another rough nights sleep last night and I awoke with a certainty in my heart. But what I didn't realize was that the certainty in my heart had nothing to do with the person I thought it had to do with. Unfortunately for me I didn't figure that out until I made an ass of myself via the email. God, I'm 32 years old and sometimes I still act like a fucking child...and yet I'm still so damn charming! I've got a lot of work to do on myself and I think my little break down was pretty good for me. It's important to admit when you weak sometimes and it's important to admit when you're wrong and I was just flat the fuck out wrong.

I think hanging out with all these new people in my life here has been really good for me, but sometimes when I see how happy the couples are I feel a little ache in my heart. I'm not trying to have a pity party for myself I'm just being honest. I've been having such a good time with my friends that I was a little taken back at the sudden feeling of sadness I felt a few days ago. I don't' like to leave things unsaid and I'm starting to realize that's just how it's going to be. I need to accept this and not lash out like a little boy.

My long time friend from college really helped me put some things into perspective about an hour ago. I called her and she has a way of talking to me about things that helps me to reflect on my own shit. I think I was feeling pretty sorry for myself when I began the conversation and by the time I got off the phone I was okay. I'm just a dude who tries to do the right thing and fucks up on occasion. That's life. I've got time and I need to take that time.

Right after I got off the phone with my one friend another friend skypes me and tells me that her high school buddy just died of brain cancer. He was just married eight month's ago to her other high school friend. As if my other friends little talk didn't put some things into perspective this conversation with her sealed it into place.

Now, my own death issues aside, the fact is that life on this planet is finite. Worrying and feeling sorry for yourself is just taking up time you could be spending having fun and growing into a healthy member of the human race. I shouldn't cry because somethings over I should smile because it happened.