I'm heading back to Portland in seven days and I think this will be my last blog entry for this particular blog. I've learned to know when something is over and this blog has run it's course. I have no doubt however that when I move overseas again I will be starting up a new blog with another inventive title. This blog has helped me get through some extremely rough times and it has also helped me to feel connected to people I care about deeply. I don't edit my blogs and I don't edit myself so what is presented to you is what is going on in my head at that particular moment in time. After talking with a friend a few days ago who had a question about a past blog I realized I have never gone back and read any of the blogs I've written. For me, it just feels good to get my thoughts and feelings out into the physical world. I can't imagine what it must be like to be unable to express yourself in some capacity. That sounds like hell to me.
As I'm preparing to leave the ROK I am thinking about the most important things I've learned since being here. I've boiled them down to ten things and I'd like to share them with you now.
10. It's uncomfortable to have a steam filled room full of Korean men stare at your penis. It's even more uncomfortable when some of those men move closer to you for a better look.
9. When visiting North Korea don't stare at the North Korean soldiers for more than three seconds...they don't like that. Also, when visiting North Korea be prepared to make a "donation" so as not to have your passport stamped.
8. Kimchi is best when it is in the "in between" stages of fermentation. Old Kimchi is nasty. New Kimchi doesn't have enough zing. In between Kimchi is perfect!
7. South African women can and will drink you under the table given half the chance to do so.
6. People will tell you the most intimate details of their lives if they trust that you are listening to them.
5. Friends are worth more than any amount of currency on the planet.
4. I have more to contribute to the world than I thought I did. I think I have finally found my voice and I'm excited to have the opportunity to use it.
3. Hugs are wonderful and cleansing. Hugs are healing and one of the quickest ways of connecting with another human being. I am a great hugger.
2. Let it go. Let it all go. In the end it's not nearly as important as you think it is. Trust your inner voice and that feeling you get in your stomach.
1. If you can't be honest with yourself you will never be honest with anyone else around you. The truth really does set you free. So don't be afraid to admit when you have made a mistake and don't be afraid to stick to what you hold most important.
Done.
Skype me. Email me. Call me. Facebook me.
cdubsla@yahoo.com geromeshanklin@yahoo.com no phone number yet...sorry.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
I need a blonde one or else the parents won't send their kids here.
Less than two weeks! Saying good-bye can be difficult but I'm ready to go home. I'm ready to return to the U.S. for a while. Lately I have felt stuck in time and therefore have not wanted to blog. The eclipse was today and the light which was created from it was pretty amazing. It changed the color of everything. Speaking of color changing, a friend of mine told me a story the other day about something her Korean boss asked her to do. She works at a Hogwan outside of Seoul, she used to work at my workplace but she quit after three months because it wasn't what she was expecting. Turns out the job she went to after wasn't what she was expecting either. She has a master's in education and I think she came to Korea expecting something else than what she found when it comes to the educational system here. So what did her boss ask her to do? Nothing sexual, but before I tell you it's important that you know she's a blue eyed, blond hair white girl from Ohio. Why is this important? I'm getting to that. Her boss dropped off a stack of resumes at her desk and asked her to go through the applicants. He told her to throw away the ones with black people.
Now, I can hear you thinking. How the hell would she know if the person applying for a job was black or not? Would she go through the names and guess. "Shaniquwa Jones", "eliminated!" "Tyrone Jackson", "I don't' think so Mr. Jackson, not in my school!" No, she wasn't expected to look at names and guess because in Korea, you have to submit a picture of yourself along with your resume and qualifications. Everybody who has worked in Korea already knows that Koreans doing the hiring want to know if you are black or white. Unless you are in some serious denial about how things work here, every foreign teacher knows this is the reason why you submit pictures. Pictures are required. It's bullshit actually and totally discriminatory. That said, if the United States could get away with it I have suspicions they would do the same thing.
So my friend Missy was asked by her boss to go through the resumes and just look at the pictures and throw out the ones with dark faces. He said and I quote "I need a blond one or else parents won't keep sending their kids here." I'll take a moment while you get your "what the fucks" out of the way. Korea is an interesting place to be a foreigner. White skin is king in this land. The darker you are the lower you are. Does every Korean feel this way? No. Do a lot of Koreans feel this way? Yes. And in a land that has as many people as Korea has in such a small space, these beliefs can get thick.
The Korean working environment is openly racist at times and I can appreciate that. I'll say it again, I can appreciate that. It comes from ignorance, fear and an unwillingness to step outside ones comfort zone but I appreciate the openness of it. It turns my stomach of course and if I had hair I'm sure I'd want to pull it out but I am one who appreciates honesty. Those of you who know me know that I am a huge fan of honesty. If this happened more openly in the states people would lose money left and right. Why? Because there is no way I'm going to give my money knowing to a business that is bigoted and racist.
Back to my friend Missy. After her boss asked her to do this she told him she was uncomfortable with the assignment. He asked her why. He seriously did not understand what the problem was. And there in lies the problem. He honestly didn't see that there was anything wrong with what he was doing and what he had asked her to do. Now, I don't know how many of you out there have taught in Korea or had friends who taught in Korea but it is not all shits and giggles here. It has been an amazing and frustrating experience for me. As with any place I've been treated poorly and with kindness. But don't get it twisted, my experience as a black person is not the same as a white person, just like my experience as a male in Korea would not be the same as a female.
If you ignore the American army there just are not that many black people in this country. It's like I'm back in my liberal arts college again. We are few and far between. So, I have gone out with groups of friends and been the only black face around. One of the most interesting experiences happened a couple of months ago and I don't think I ever wrote about it. I was meeting some friends for late dinner in Ilsan which is a city near my workplace. When I arrived one of my guy friends was pissed off and another friend of mine was sitting on a bench crying. Everyone else just looked annoyed and frustrated. When I asked them what happened they told me this story. Keep in mind that everyone in the group was a white Canadian, South African or American.
They showed up at this Korean restaurant to have drinks and eat some food. There were six people and they were seated right away. After sitting down for five minutes with no service a man came up to them and asked them to leave. He said in broken English that the place was closing. They looked around and saw other Korean people eating. Never mind the fact that Korean restaurants stay open late as hell. Anyways, the group got up and walked outside. I was still on my way to meet them at this point. Now, while they were waiting for me they watched several Koreans in a period of ten minutes walk into the restaurant sit down and start eating and drinking. I guess they have never experienced discrimination on this level and they were all thrown off. When I arrived and they told me the story I think they were waiting for a reaction that never came. Of course I felt frustrated but I wasn't surprised. I realize this next statement might prevent me from being appointed to the supreme court one day but I think growing up black gives you a special insight to the way the world works. I said it! Senator, I did not mean to imply that black people are better than other people and I'm sorry if you took it that way.
Side note: Am I the only one that finds it ironic that the dudes grilling nominee Sotomayor about her views on race and decision making are some of the most bigoted dudes in the Republican Party? Senator Sessions straight up does not like people of color. Dudes history is full of comments and writings to prove that. But he kept trying to come back to the "wise Latina" comment. We all sit there and pretend like these questions coming from these men are appropriate. I've been able to watch and read some of the comments they have made and it stinks of racism, sexism and just plain ignorance, but I guess that's politics folks. Anyways, got off topic, just needed to vent about that a little bit. Back to my white friends getting kicked out of a restaurant...
I could sympathize with them but I didn't' have the same outrage that they felt. I think I've been desensitized to that kind of shit. But one thing I didn't do was the classic response people who can't really relate have. I didn't say "yeah but..."
I fucking hate the "yeah, but" response. I've never understood why it's so hard for some people to admit that sometimes a duck is a freaking duck. They always wanna make an excuse for the inexcusable. "Yeah but maybe he shot you because your wallet looked like a gun in your pocket." "Maybe you shouldn't have been carrying your wallet on you."
I can't wait for the days when we can just hate people for being assholes. Race, religion, political affiliation, sex, socio-economic status, size, orientation, etc. these things should not matter any more. Sometimes I think if humans were born with no eyes and no voice we would learn to hate each other over different smells. I hope we are better than that. Some days...I'm just not sure.
Now, I can hear you thinking. How the hell would she know if the person applying for a job was black or not? Would she go through the names and guess. "Shaniquwa Jones", "eliminated!" "Tyrone Jackson", "I don't' think so Mr. Jackson, not in my school!" No, she wasn't expected to look at names and guess because in Korea, you have to submit a picture of yourself along with your resume and qualifications. Everybody who has worked in Korea already knows that Koreans doing the hiring want to know if you are black or white. Unless you are in some serious denial about how things work here, every foreign teacher knows this is the reason why you submit pictures. Pictures are required. It's bullshit actually and totally discriminatory. That said, if the United States could get away with it I have suspicions they would do the same thing.
So my friend Missy was asked by her boss to go through the resumes and just look at the pictures and throw out the ones with dark faces. He said and I quote "I need a blond one or else parents won't keep sending their kids here." I'll take a moment while you get your "what the fucks" out of the way. Korea is an interesting place to be a foreigner. White skin is king in this land. The darker you are the lower you are. Does every Korean feel this way? No. Do a lot of Koreans feel this way? Yes. And in a land that has as many people as Korea has in such a small space, these beliefs can get thick.
The Korean working environment is openly racist at times and I can appreciate that. I'll say it again, I can appreciate that. It comes from ignorance, fear and an unwillingness to step outside ones comfort zone but I appreciate the openness of it. It turns my stomach of course and if I had hair I'm sure I'd want to pull it out but I am one who appreciates honesty. Those of you who know me know that I am a huge fan of honesty. If this happened more openly in the states people would lose money left and right. Why? Because there is no way I'm going to give my money knowing to a business that is bigoted and racist.
Back to my friend Missy. After her boss asked her to do this she told him she was uncomfortable with the assignment. He asked her why. He seriously did not understand what the problem was. And there in lies the problem. He honestly didn't see that there was anything wrong with what he was doing and what he had asked her to do. Now, I don't know how many of you out there have taught in Korea or had friends who taught in Korea but it is not all shits and giggles here. It has been an amazing and frustrating experience for me. As with any place I've been treated poorly and with kindness. But don't get it twisted, my experience as a black person is not the same as a white person, just like my experience as a male in Korea would not be the same as a female.
If you ignore the American army there just are not that many black people in this country. It's like I'm back in my liberal arts college again. We are few and far between. So, I have gone out with groups of friends and been the only black face around. One of the most interesting experiences happened a couple of months ago and I don't think I ever wrote about it. I was meeting some friends for late dinner in Ilsan which is a city near my workplace. When I arrived one of my guy friends was pissed off and another friend of mine was sitting on a bench crying. Everyone else just looked annoyed and frustrated. When I asked them what happened they told me this story. Keep in mind that everyone in the group was a white Canadian, South African or American.
They showed up at this Korean restaurant to have drinks and eat some food. There were six people and they were seated right away. After sitting down for five minutes with no service a man came up to them and asked them to leave. He said in broken English that the place was closing. They looked around and saw other Korean people eating. Never mind the fact that Korean restaurants stay open late as hell. Anyways, the group got up and walked outside. I was still on my way to meet them at this point. Now, while they were waiting for me they watched several Koreans in a period of ten minutes walk into the restaurant sit down and start eating and drinking. I guess they have never experienced discrimination on this level and they were all thrown off. When I arrived and they told me the story I think they were waiting for a reaction that never came. Of course I felt frustrated but I wasn't surprised. I realize this next statement might prevent me from being appointed to the supreme court one day but I think growing up black gives you a special insight to the way the world works. I said it! Senator, I did not mean to imply that black people are better than other people and I'm sorry if you took it that way.
Side note: Am I the only one that finds it ironic that the dudes grilling nominee Sotomayor about her views on race and decision making are some of the most bigoted dudes in the Republican Party? Senator Sessions straight up does not like people of color. Dudes history is full of comments and writings to prove that. But he kept trying to come back to the "wise Latina" comment. We all sit there and pretend like these questions coming from these men are appropriate. I've been able to watch and read some of the comments they have made and it stinks of racism, sexism and just plain ignorance, but I guess that's politics folks. Anyways, got off topic, just needed to vent about that a little bit. Back to my white friends getting kicked out of a restaurant...
I could sympathize with them but I didn't' have the same outrage that they felt. I think I've been desensitized to that kind of shit. But one thing I didn't do was the classic response people who can't really relate have. I didn't say "yeah but..."
I fucking hate the "yeah, but" response. I've never understood why it's so hard for some people to admit that sometimes a duck is a freaking duck. They always wanna make an excuse for the inexcusable. "Yeah but maybe he shot you because your wallet looked like a gun in your pocket." "Maybe you shouldn't have been carrying your wallet on you."
I can't wait for the days when we can just hate people for being assholes. Race, religion, political affiliation, sex, socio-economic status, size, orientation, etc. these things should not matter any more. Sometimes I think if humans were born with no eyes and no voice we would learn to hate each other over different smells. I hope we are better than that. Some days...I'm just not sure.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The death of 80GB's
My ipod stopped working. Just like that, out of the blue, my little, black, square friend has died. Perhaps to say "just like that" is....well, is a lie. Recently the rainy season started here which means that that rain comes from all angles at any time of the day. Take this weekend for instance, the rain started early Saturday morning and stopped about half an hour ago. It's Monday morning here in Korea at the moment. Anyways, back to my ipod, it is dead and I am sad. Perfect timing of course, I'm about to travel around a bit and portable music would have been greatly appreciated. So, how is the death of this black rectangle not really out of the blue? Well, it might even be my fault, kind of.
I was teaching university students last week and the rain came a calling. To call it rain is actually an understatement, imagine falling into a body of water with pockets of air in it and that's pretty much what I experiencing. My ipod was in my pocket and it got a little bit wet since the water soaked through my dress pants and soaked me to the bones. After the rain subsided, I took out my ipod to see what the damage was and that familiar glow lit up when I hit play. No harm no foul right? Wrong. I became Mr. Butterfingers and proceeded to accidentally drop my ipod. As it feel from my hands I could see the world in slow motion. I quickly reached out in a futile attempt to grab it before it hit the ground. Even though I'm 33 I still have quick reflexes so I did manage to make contact with my ipod...unfortunately I clumsily knocked it higher into the air, above my head, which only gave me more time to watch it fall back to earth. It hit the ground extremely hard, but luck for me the blow was cushioned some by the very deep puddle of water that had formed due to the perfect storm I was just caught in. To add insult to injury, the splash my ipod made as it took a swan into the abyss, was so powerful a drop of puddle water made it all the way into my mouth, which of course was open.
So not only did I have to witness the death of my ipod, I will probably catch some strange water-born disease that 1 in 100,000,000 people get because it only comes from being exposed to Korean rain water that has been mixed with brick and ipod matter.
Of course, complaining about ipod dying when there are thousands of displaced Chinese due to a recent earthquake is kind of silly. Being annoyed that I won't have portable sounds for a while when people are losing their homes, their jobs and their souls is absurd...right? But damn I miss my music!
I was teaching university students last week and the rain came a calling. To call it rain is actually an understatement, imagine falling into a body of water with pockets of air in it and that's pretty much what I experiencing. My ipod was in my pocket and it got a little bit wet since the water soaked through my dress pants and soaked me to the bones. After the rain subsided, I took out my ipod to see what the damage was and that familiar glow lit up when I hit play. No harm no foul right? Wrong. I became Mr. Butterfingers and proceeded to accidentally drop my ipod. As it feel from my hands I could see the world in slow motion. I quickly reached out in a futile attempt to grab it before it hit the ground. Even though I'm 33 I still have quick reflexes so I did manage to make contact with my ipod...unfortunately I clumsily knocked it higher into the air, above my head, which only gave me more time to watch it fall back to earth. It hit the ground extremely hard, but luck for me the blow was cushioned some by the very deep puddle of water that had formed due to the perfect storm I was just caught in. To add insult to injury, the splash my ipod made as it took a swan into the abyss, was so powerful a drop of puddle water made it all the way into my mouth, which of course was open.
So not only did I have to witness the death of my ipod, I will probably catch some strange water-born disease that 1 in 100,000,000 people get because it only comes from being exposed to Korean rain water that has been mixed with brick and ipod matter.
Of course, complaining about ipod dying when there are thousands of displaced Chinese due to a recent earthquake is kind of silly. Being annoyed that I won't have portable sounds for a while when people are losing their homes, their jobs and their souls is absurd...right? But damn I miss my music!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
I love Portland in the summer.
I have under a month left in this country known as the Republic of Korea. I feel like I'm going through the motions. In my head I'm already back in Portland so allow me to invite you into my head for a brief visit.
Chris's thoughts: Portland Week One:
August 3rd: Arrive into PDX, wait for a few hours until Alex realizes today was the day he is supposed to pick me up. After he finishes his dinner and pours himself another glass of wine he puts on his shoes and looks for his car keys. Anya yells at him in the background while he's searching. The doorbell rings. Toby and I are at the door. Toby was my back-up because everybody knows Alex cannot be trusted. Anya let's us both in and offers us something to drink. Anya and I exchange hugs. Alex searches his mental vault of lies for a suitable one but it's too late. I punch him in his ugly face and kick him square in the balls. I feel better. Toby laughs while drinking his beer. Alex falls to the ground in pain. I will sleep good tonight. I email some people back in Korea to let them know I made it back alive. I have a glass of wine with my friends.
August 4th: I wake up confused as to where I am. I look out the window, not a Korean in site. I must be home. I force Alex to make me breakfast, which is more like lunch do to the time. I flirt with Anya over a sandwich and try to convince her to leave Alex. After I finish my meal I get into my car and prepare to visit some old friends. My car won't start. The battery is dead, which is fine because I have a flat tire. Alex fucked my car up and Toby didn't have a chance to fix it yet. I walk back into the house and punch Alex in his ugly face again. This time I don't kick him in the balls, he's my friend after all. I call Monica to see if she's home. She is. I left all my crap in her garage because she my friend and one of the most dependable people I know. She's a great friend and an even better human being. Alex drops me off at her place later in the day. We catch up. We play cribbage. I beat her 5 games to nothing. She has not gotten better since I've been away. I separate things that I'm giving away and getting rid of and the things I want to keep. I'm not keeping much. My taste has changed. I don't need the things I used to. I'm glad to be home. We make plans for later in the week. I think about calling Teresa but Teresa said she doesn't want to deal with me until I've been home for a week. I send her a mean email later tonight. I call Juniper. I'm subletting her place for the next month and a half or so. I'm tired. We talk and we make plans to go over rental arrangements tomorrow and have dinner. I love her. We are similar in annoying ways. Perhaps she's my sister from another life time? I sleep at Al's house one more night. Toby stops by. We drink beer, we make plans for the weekend. We wait for Alex to leave the room. We make plans to kill Alex one day, Anya is in the room when we make these plans. She doesn't say anything.
August 5th: Wake up. Excited. I have a date with an angel this morning. Luna will be giving me a massage at 10:30. I've been waiting for her magic touch almost two years. She is the best. A mixture of Goddess and masseuse. Her touch heals my aching soul along with my aching muscles. I make plans to have another massage three weeks later. She's a good soul. I get a salad at my favourite salad place. I send Teresa another mean email. "Maybe you won't see me at all while I'm back then" I press send and then smile. Teresa's great and I'm excited to see her but I'll wait her required week. She will get at least one sarcastic mean email from me every six hours however. I send some more emails to Korea. My car is fixed. I can drive. I forgot how but that doesn't stop me. Perhaps I should get insurance? Maybe later. I go to the gym. I buy a membership. Things are looking up. I move what's left of my stuff from Monica's garage into Juniper's place. I play cribbage with Juniper. Unlike Monica, she is good at the game. She beats me, but barely. I curse her name under my breath. I'm tired. I look for a new cell phone. I'm not sure how long I'll stay in the U.S. so I decide to get cricket. I pay by the month. I hate cell phones but they sure are handy. I call Alex, when he answers I hang up. My phone works. I'm tired. I go to bed at Juniper's which is for the time being my place.
August 6th: I'm awoken to the sounds of hippy chit chat. Juniper's friends have stopped by looking for her. They offer me tea. I don't drink tea. I say thank you. Juniper and I have plans to eat dinner. It will be healthy and full of nuts and beans I'm sure. I won't lose to her in cribbage again! I drive my car illegally all over Portland. I'm wasting gas and I don't care. I make a mental note of what has changed and what has stayed the same. I have to go to the Gorge sometime soon. I miss the sound of its silence. I miss its smell. I get back home. I need to buy food. I email a quick insult to Teresa. I call Monica. We talk. I call Alex and hang up on him again. He doesn't have my number yet. I won't give it to him for at least another week. I eat a very healthy meal with Juniper. I'm tired. I go to sleep.
August 7th: Awwww shit it's Friday! I'm too old to think like that but I don't have a job and it is Friday. I go to the gym. I get another salad. I think about what kind of job I want to have. I think about how long I'll stay. I have to buy tickets to Michigan for September. I have to buy tickets to L.A. after that. I take a deep breath. I've got time. "Enjoy the ride Chris" I think to myself. Teresa is supposed to take me out to sushi. I buy the alcohol and she buys the raw fish. I don't want to wait til next week for sushi. Korean sushi is not good. I send Teresa another email. This time it's nice. I present different reasons why it's a good idea for us to have sushi tonight. I'll wait and see. I stop by Monica's house to play cribbage and shoot the shit. I stop by Toby's apartment to hang out. He's still dirty. He doesn't know how to clean up after himself. I remember the mouse the used to live in our house when we lived together. I wonder which one of us will actually kill Alex. We'll have to draw straws for the honor. Alex is demanding money from me for keeping my car at his place so I drive over there and bring him a check. It's for one dollar. It say "fuck you" in the subject line. I drop it in his mail box and leave. I check my email Teresa has plans tonight, she's a woman of her word. I guess I'm waiting til next week for sushi. Juniper's busy tonight. She's very popular. Monica has plans with her friends. Toby is Toby and Alex wants me to leave the country again. I've been back for five days and I'm alone on a Friday night. I've got other friends to call but I don't. I've got time. I take a long walk up to Mt. Tabor Park. It's getting dark. I walk to the top and look down on the city. I love Portland in the summer!
Chris's thoughts: Portland Week One:
August 3rd: Arrive into PDX, wait for a few hours until Alex realizes today was the day he is supposed to pick me up. After he finishes his dinner and pours himself another glass of wine he puts on his shoes and looks for his car keys. Anya yells at him in the background while he's searching. The doorbell rings. Toby and I are at the door. Toby was my back-up because everybody knows Alex cannot be trusted. Anya let's us both in and offers us something to drink. Anya and I exchange hugs. Alex searches his mental vault of lies for a suitable one but it's too late. I punch him in his ugly face and kick him square in the balls. I feel better. Toby laughs while drinking his beer. Alex falls to the ground in pain. I will sleep good tonight. I email some people back in Korea to let them know I made it back alive. I have a glass of wine with my friends.
August 4th: I wake up confused as to where I am. I look out the window, not a Korean in site. I must be home. I force Alex to make me breakfast, which is more like lunch do to the time. I flirt with Anya over a sandwich and try to convince her to leave Alex. After I finish my meal I get into my car and prepare to visit some old friends. My car won't start. The battery is dead, which is fine because I have a flat tire. Alex fucked my car up and Toby didn't have a chance to fix it yet. I walk back into the house and punch Alex in his ugly face again. This time I don't kick him in the balls, he's my friend after all. I call Monica to see if she's home. She is. I left all my crap in her garage because she my friend and one of the most dependable people I know. She's a great friend and an even better human being. Alex drops me off at her place later in the day. We catch up. We play cribbage. I beat her 5 games to nothing. She has not gotten better since I've been away. I separate things that I'm giving away and getting rid of and the things I want to keep. I'm not keeping much. My taste has changed. I don't need the things I used to. I'm glad to be home. We make plans for later in the week. I think about calling Teresa but Teresa said she doesn't want to deal with me until I've been home for a week. I send her a mean email later tonight. I call Juniper. I'm subletting her place for the next month and a half or so. I'm tired. We talk and we make plans to go over rental arrangements tomorrow and have dinner. I love her. We are similar in annoying ways. Perhaps she's my sister from another life time? I sleep at Al's house one more night. Toby stops by. We drink beer, we make plans for the weekend. We wait for Alex to leave the room. We make plans to kill Alex one day, Anya is in the room when we make these plans. She doesn't say anything.
August 5th: Wake up. Excited. I have a date with an angel this morning. Luna will be giving me a massage at 10:30. I've been waiting for her magic touch almost two years. She is the best. A mixture of Goddess and masseuse. Her touch heals my aching soul along with my aching muscles. I make plans to have another massage three weeks later. She's a good soul. I get a salad at my favourite salad place. I send Teresa another mean email. "Maybe you won't see me at all while I'm back then" I press send and then smile. Teresa's great and I'm excited to see her but I'll wait her required week. She will get at least one sarcastic mean email from me every six hours however. I send some more emails to Korea. My car is fixed. I can drive. I forgot how but that doesn't stop me. Perhaps I should get insurance? Maybe later. I go to the gym. I buy a membership. Things are looking up. I move what's left of my stuff from Monica's garage into Juniper's place. I play cribbage with Juniper. Unlike Monica, she is good at the game. She beats me, but barely. I curse her name under my breath. I'm tired. I look for a new cell phone. I'm not sure how long I'll stay in the U.S. so I decide to get cricket. I pay by the month. I hate cell phones but they sure are handy. I call Alex, when he answers I hang up. My phone works. I'm tired. I go to bed at Juniper's which is for the time being my place.
August 6th: I'm awoken to the sounds of hippy chit chat. Juniper's friends have stopped by looking for her. They offer me tea. I don't drink tea. I say thank you. Juniper and I have plans to eat dinner. It will be healthy and full of nuts and beans I'm sure. I won't lose to her in cribbage again! I drive my car illegally all over Portland. I'm wasting gas and I don't care. I make a mental note of what has changed and what has stayed the same. I have to go to the Gorge sometime soon. I miss the sound of its silence. I miss its smell. I get back home. I need to buy food. I email a quick insult to Teresa. I call Monica. We talk. I call Alex and hang up on him again. He doesn't have my number yet. I won't give it to him for at least another week. I eat a very healthy meal with Juniper. I'm tired. I go to sleep.
August 7th: Awwww shit it's Friday! I'm too old to think like that but I don't have a job and it is Friday. I go to the gym. I get another salad. I think about what kind of job I want to have. I think about how long I'll stay. I have to buy tickets to Michigan for September. I have to buy tickets to L.A. after that. I take a deep breath. I've got time. "Enjoy the ride Chris" I think to myself. Teresa is supposed to take me out to sushi. I buy the alcohol and she buys the raw fish. I don't want to wait til next week for sushi. Korean sushi is not good. I send Teresa another email. This time it's nice. I present different reasons why it's a good idea for us to have sushi tonight. I'll wait and see. I stop by Monica's house to play cribbage and shoot the shit. I stop by Toby's apartment to hang out. He's still dirty. He doesn't know how to clean up after himself. I remember the mouse the used to live in our house when we lived together. I wonder which one of us will actually kill Alex. We'll have to draw straws for the honor. Alex is demanding money from me for keeping my car at his place so I drive over there and bring him a check. It's for one dollar. It say "fuck you" in the subject line. I drop it in his mail box and leave. I check my email Teresa has plans tonight, she's a woman of her word. I guess I'm waiting til next week for sushi. Juniper's busy tonight. She's very popular. Monica has plans with her friends. Toby is Toby and Alex wants me to leave the country again. I've been back for five days and I'm alone on a Friday night. I've got other friends to call but I don't. I've got time. I take a long walk up to Mt. Tabor Park. It's getting dark. I walk to the top and look down on the city. I love Portland in the summer!
Part VIII.
Where had the time gone? Had he really been living in Korea so long? Those winds of change that brought him here were blowing again and he knew it was time to prepare to leave. He was ready to leave. Korea had done what it was supposed to do. It had taught him. The lessons were many and the education gained was priceless. There was more to do but not here. It was time to move on. He had established new relationships with people he would never forget. He had begun a new relationship with himself in the process. The person in the mirror seemed a little older and a little wiser. There was still so much to learn. There were still so many places he wanted to visit. So many people to meet. He had learned that people, human beings were a treasure he could always discover no matter where his feet landed. He liked treasure.
He was not the man he once was. He was better. He knew he was better and this made him happy. He accepted his past and looked forward to the future. He recalled a quote he once heard. "Kill all my demons and my angels might die too." Balance. He had come to this country dangerously off balance and he was leaving with a sense of peace and a feeling of being centered.
He still had no idea what he wanted but he knew what he didn't want, and there was great power in that realization. This knowledge gave him great power and allowed him to heal. For the first time in a long time he looked forward to the unknown. He looked forward to seeing old friends. He looked forward to late night talks and the swapping of stories. He looked forward to seeing the growth people he cared for had gone through. He looked forward to giving his time and love. Mostly, he just looked forward...
He was not the man he once was. He was better. He knew he was better and this made him happy. He accepted his past and looked forward to the future. He recalled a quote he once heard. "Kill all my demons and my angels might die too." Balance. He had come to this country dangerously off balance and he was leaving with a sense of peace and a feeling of being centered.
He still had no idea what he wanted but he knew what he didn't want, and there was great power in that realization. This knowledge gave him great power and allowed him to heal. For the first time in a long time he looked forward to the unknown. He looked forward to seeing old friends. He looked forward to late night talks and the swapping of stories. He looked forward to seeing the growth people he cared for had gone through. He looked forward to giving his time and love. Mostly, he just looked forward...
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Koreans in Black Face???? WTF!
How come people only seem to bring up religion when they are running for office, defending a position they are taking, condemning a group of people or asking for forgiveness from their peers? What's up with that? Just curious. Seems to be a lot of Jesus talk going around on television lately. I guess I forgot about the group of people who have to work Jesus into every part of a conversation they have with other people, regardless of the other peoples backgrounds or beliefs. Sometimes I think about how I must sound to an outsider and I wonder if I come off as anti-religious or something. I'm actually not. I don't have a problem with religions. I do sometimes have problems with religious people but other than that I'm cool with it. I do think religion can breed an unusually strong form of hypocrisy's from people and this is speaking as an insider. Don't forget I grew up Catholic. Went to the schools, attended the churches, was an alter boy, etc. My critique of Christian religion comes from a place of familiarity. But, I'm not interested in writing about religion at the moment so let me move on.
My final month in Korea has arrived and my patience has grown short. "Grown short?" What the hell does that mean. I just heard how that sounds, "grown short". Hmmmm. I turned on my television, which I have not done much of lately and I see five Korean women dressed up as natives from different parts of the world. Wait for it....one of these Korean women was in black face. I'll wait for you to soak that in.......
Take your time.....BLACK FACE! There was an audience and everyone was laughing. She had some strange wig on, her face was colored medium brown, and she had some kind of bone through her nose. It was straight out of a bugs bunny cartoon. I have no idea what these women were speaking because my Korean is still shit, but I can't imagine there is every a good reason for anyone to put black face on. I guess the Koreans never got that memo. This country is kind of stuck in time but black face? Really? I'm going to keep it real because that's what I do, I laughed my ass off when I saw it. Let me explain myself. I grew up with an older brother who had a similar sense of humor to mine. We laugh at the most inappropriate things. So when I saw this Korean women in black face I imagined what my brother's reaction would be to this and it made me laugh.
Today was hot and humid. I took a walk to the laundry mat to drop off some clothes and I came across a women pushing a stroller. Inside this stroller was a screaming baby. This stroller had one of those clear plastic bubble protectors around the entire thing. I slowed my roll when I got closer to the stroller because it did not look well ventilated at all. There was condensation forming on the inside of this contraption and the lady seemed oblivious to her child yelling. She was on the phone. I could not tell if she was coming or going but she wasn't paying attention to much. Her kid looked like it was baking alive. Normally I mind my own business (okay, sometimes I mind my own business) but this kid looked so miserable that I stopped, bent down and started waving at it. I say "it" because I have no idea what the sex of this kid was. So I bent down and started waving.
I knew this would get the attention of the mother. It's not every day she has a black man waving to her child. She bent down quickly, opened up the plastic jail cell and started moving her child's arms in a waving motion back at me. I've been in Korea long enough to know that Korean parents love to show their kids off and her reaction was exactly what I was hoping for. You could see the relief on this kids face in getting some fresh air. Since the mom didn't speak English and the Korean I knew for this kind of situation is limited to "Hello", "How are you", "That's so pretty" and "Good-bye", I continued to the laundry mat soon after.
I finally got my braces removed and my teeth are not yet used to being free. My tongue has a mind of it's own and wonders over the landscape of my teeth more often than I think is normal. It sometimes wakes me up at night. It's kind of creepy. My teeth are looking pretty damn good. I don't recognize my own mouth. I have always had issues with my teeth as a child. I never liked the spaces in them, even though I seem to be the only one that noticed or cared much. I had those braces in since I arrived in Korea and it was a wonderful feeling to have them removed. This whole Korean experience has been one long process of me moving on from the old and getting to know the new. Those braces represented the old and I was so happy when the dentist grinded the last traces of them off my mouth.
However....I don't know how to smile! I'm not shitting you. I have no idea how to smile. You see, for at least the last 25 years I have smiled without showing any teeth. My friends here are making fun of me because my new smile is awkward and probably kind of creepy! My face hurts. It's like I'm using muscles in my face I've never used before. I wish I was joking. It's like I woke up from a coma and I have to retrain my weak face muscles to function properly again. I've had a few people suggest that maybe I've just never had anything to smile about, but I think they just want to make out with me. But with teeth like this I wanna make out with me!
Don't read into this transition. I have recently been in touch with two really good people from my past from about a decade ago. I have not talked to either of these people for almost ten years. One is an ex. girlfriend and one was probably the fastest and shortest friendship I've ever had. The ex. randomly came up one day after a conversation I was having with an Australian teacher I work with. Turns out he travels in similar circles to her and we got in touch with each other. She was always a good person and I hope we can continue to talk back and forth actually. The second person is a lovely lady who I became instant friends with the moment we laid eyes on each other. It was the strangest thing ever. She was in touch for a weekend I believe and we instantly hit it off. She was great then and she seems great now. I am extremely excited about being able to reconnect with her and I'm looking forward to hanging out when I get back home because as luck would have it she doesn't live that far away from Portland.
It's so funny how things work sometimes. I'm always amazed at the paths we all walk. I won't say everything happens for a reason (although I'm sure I've said it before) but I will say things happen for a reason. I'm coming home soon and that feels good. I'm looking forward to the sushi dinners, the cribbage games, the late night chats, the walks, the dinner parties and all the rest that's coming my way this late summer. Hope to hear from all of you sooner than later.
My final month in Korea has arrived and my patience has grown short. "Grown short?" What the hell does that mean. I just heard how that sounds, "grown short". Hmmmm. I turned on my television, which I have not done much of lately and I see five Korean women dressed up as natives from different parts of the world. Wait for it....one of these Korean women was in black face. I'll wait for you to soak that in.......
Take your time.....BLACK FACE! There was an audience and everyone was laughing. She had some strange wig on, her face was colored medium brown, and she had some kind of bone through her nose. It was straight out of a bugs bunny cartoon. I have no idea what these women were speaking because my Korean is still shit, but I can't imagine there is every a good reason for anyone to put black face on. I guess the Koreans never got that memo. This country is kind of stuck in time but black face? Really? I'm going to keep it real because that's what I do, I laughed my ass off when I saw it. Let me explain myself. I grew up with an older brother who had a similar sense of humor to mine. We laugh at the most inappropriate things. So when I saw this Korean women in black face I imagined what my brother's reaction would be to this and it made me laugh.
Today was hot and humid. I took a walk to the laundry mat to drop off some clothes and I came across a women pushing a stroller. Inside this stroller was a screaming baby. This stroller had one of those clear plastic bubble protectors around the entire thing. I slowed my roll when I got closer to the stroller because it did not look well ventilated at all. There was condensation forming on the inside of this contraption and the lady seemed oblivious to her child yelling. She was on the phone. I could not tell if she was coming or going but she wasn't paying attention to much. Her kid looked like it was baking alive. Normally I mind my own business (okay, sometimes I mind my own business) but this kid looked so miserable that I stopped, bent down and started waving at it. I say "it" because I have no idea what the sex of this kid was. So I bent down and started waving.
I knew this would get the attention of the mother. It's not every day she has a black man waving to her child. She bent down quickly, opened up the plastic jail cell and started moving her child's arms in a waving motion back at me. I've been in Korea long enough to know that Korean parents love to show their kids off and her reaction was exactly what I was hoping for. You could see the relief on this kids face in getting some fresh air. Since the mom didn't speak English and the Korean I knew for this kind of situation is limited to "Hello", "How are you", "That's so pretty" and "Good-bye", I continued to the laundry mat soon after.
I finally got my braces removed and my teeth are not yet used to being free. My tongue has a mind of it's own and wonders over the landscape of my teeth more often than I think is normal. It sometimes wakes me up at night. It's kind of creepy. My teeth are looking pretty damn good. I don't recognize my own mouth. I have always had issues with my teeth as a child. I never liked the spaces in them, even though I seem to be the only one that noticed or cared much. I had those braces in since I arrived in Korea and it was a wonderful feeling to have them removed. This whole Korean experience has been one long process of me moving on from the old and getting to know the new. Those braces represented the old and I was so happy when the dentist grinded the last traces of them off my mouth.
However....I don't know how to smile! I'm not shitting you. I have no idea how to smile. You see, for at least the last 25 years I have smiled without showing any teeth. My friends here are making fun of me because my new smile is awkward and probably kind of creepy! My face hurts. It's like I'm using muscles in my face I've never used before. I wish I was joking. It's like I woke up from a coma and I have to retrain my weak face muscles to function properly again. I've had a few people suggest that maybe I've just never had anything to smile about, but I think they just want to make out with me. But with teeth like this I wanna make out with me!
Don't read into this transition. I have recently been in touch with two really good people from my past from about a decade ago. I have not talked to either of these people for almost ten years. One is an ex. girlfriend and one was probably the fastest and shortest friendship I've ever had. The ex. randomly came up one day after a conversation I was having with an Australian teacher I work with. Turns out he travels in similar circles to her and we got in touch with each other. She was always a good person and I hope we can continue to talk back and forth actually. The second person is a lovely lady who I became instant friends with the moment we laid eyes on each other. It was the strangest thing ever. She was in touch for a weekend I believe and we instantly hit it off. She was great then and she seems great now. I am extremely excited about being able to reconnect with her and I'm looking forward to hanging out when I get back home because as luck would have it she doesn't live that far away from Portland.
It's so funny how things work sometimes. I'm always amazed at the paths we all walk. I won't say everything happens for a reason (although I'm sure I've said it before) but I will say things happen for a reason. I'm coming home soon and that feels good. I'm looking forward to the sushi dinners, the cribbage games, the late night chats, the walks, the dinner parties and all the rest that's coming my way this late summer. Hope to hear from all of you sooner than later.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Lie to me
Before I begin this little blog I would like to acknowledge the passing of a great musical talent Michael Jackson. The reaction on this side of the world has been intense. He really was a world phenomenon and he seems to have touched the lives of people all over this planet. Say what you will about some of his "choices" it takes a special person to impact every crevice of the planet earth. Although my blackness will not allow me to say anything negative about him (see Chappelle's Celebrity Trial Jury Selection Episode http://www.videovat.com/videos/929/dave-chapelle-jury-duty.aspx) I will say this, perhaps....perhaps it's never a good idea for a grown ass man to sleep in the same bed with young children that he is not related to and/or just met the other day. Rest In Peace M.J.
I found a quote a while ago that said something like "people lie with their words and with their silence." I think this quote is so relevant for the time and age that we live in. I want to begin by saying I know no person who has never told a lie. I think it's hard to go a day without telling some kind of untruth, however being a hypocrite and a liar is something completely different. My problem with politics and politicians has hit the spotlight lately with two high profile politicians recently "admitting" to extra marital affairs.
Cheating sucks. Cheating on your partner whom you are married to is even worse. Cheating on your partner whom you are married to while getting elected on a "family values" platform is bullshit. Politicians, in my opinion, are encouraged to lie to the public every time they have to make a speech about something. We don't really want to hear the truth. People want to pretend like the world is black and white and that's just not the case. Shits hard. Marriage is hard. Relationships are hard. Religion is confusing. Conflicting messages run rampant in most ideologies and yet these people continue to talk about absolutes.
Politicians are like sharks, they smell blood in the water and they attack. When Bill cheated on Hillary and then lied about it Washington came to a standstill and they wanted blood! Now look at how some of these same faces who were calling bloody murder find themselves on the other side of the gate. But...it's always different when it's happening to you. You had a really good reason for doing what you did. I believe that's the very definition of the fundamental attribution error.
Republican, Democrat, whatever, people are people and people fuck up all the time. I do mean, all the time. Celebrity, politician, rich, poor, black, white, no one can escape this fact. Hypocrisy runs thick in our political structure. But, we turn a blind eye and we listen to the speeches. We listen to the lies. Nobody has a monopoly on values. It is difficult to define culture and people should stop drawing these lines in the sand.
Shit happens and I think there is a growing movement among the masses to be told the truth. We want someone to be honest with us. Now, I'm about to say something that might piss some people off but it's got to be said. Obama is a politician! It's true, it's true. I promise you that he has told many lies thus far and we have many more in store for us. Unfortunately, you cannot hold the nations highest office and tell the truth. I think the office actually requires that you mislead people. Obama has most likely sold a piece of his soul on a daily basis. But I think it does not have to be that way. We have yet to find an individual who is brave enough, who is real enough to tell us the truth. If I squint my eyes and turn my head Obama will appear like this kind of person but it quickly disappears.
The world is ripe for a shift in consciousness, we just need that person who can remove the sword from the stone and lead us into the future.
I found a quote a while ago that said something like "people lie with their words and with their silence." I think this quote is so relevant for the time and age that we live in. I want to begin by saying I know no person who has never told a lie. I think it's hard to go a day without telling some kind of untruth, however being a hypocrite and a liar is something completely different. My problem with politics and politicians has hit the spotlight lately with two high profile politicians recently "admitting" to extra marital affairs.
Cheating sucks. Cheating on your partner whom you are married to is even worse. Cheating on your partner whom you are married to while getting elected on a "family values" platform is bullshit. Politicians, in my opinion, are encouraged to lie to the public every time they have to make a speech about something. We don't really want to hear the truth. People want to pretend like the world is black and white and that's just not the case. Shits hard. Marriage is hard. Relationships are hard. Religion is confusing. Conflicting messages run rampant in most ideologies and yet these people continue to talk about absolutes.
Politicians are like sharks, they smell blood in the water and they attack. When Bill cheated on Hillary and then lied about it Washington came to a standstill and they wanted blood! Now look at how some of these same faces who were calling bloody murder find themselves on the other side of the gate. But...it's always different when it's happening to you. You had a really good reason for doing what you did. I believe that's the very definition of the fundamental attribution error.
Republican, Democrat, whatever, people are people and people fuck up all the time. I do mean, all the time. Celebrity, politician, rich, poor, black, white, no one can escape this fact. Hypocrisy runs thick in our political structure. But, we turn a blind eye and we listen to the speeches. We listen to the lies. Nobody has a monopoly on values. It is difficult to define culture and people should stop drawing these lines in the sand.
Shit happens and I think there is a growing movement among the masses to be told the truth. We want someone to be honest with us. Now, I'm about to say something that might piss some people off but it's got to be said. Obama is a politician! It's true, it's true. I promise you that he has told many lies thus far and we have many more in store for us. Unfortunately, you cannot hold the nations highest office and tell the truth. I think the office actually requires that you mislead people. Obama has most likely sold a piece of his soul on a daily basis. But I think it does not have to be that way. We have yet to find an individual who is brave enough, who is real enough to tell us the truth. If I squint my eyes and turn my head Obama will appear like this kind of person but it quickly disappears.
The world is ripe for a shift in consciousness, we just need that person who can remove the sword from the stone and lead us into the future.
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