I owe a shit load of money! I'm in debt up to my eyeballs! Credit Cards? Nope! Car Payments? Naw! House Payments....Child Support? No and No! The only debt I have, the only tab that's running my life right now is.......STUDENT LOAN DEBT!!! As far as I'm concerned, student debt is a four letter word.
I went to undergraduate school in 1994. My school then cost around $33,000 a year. To get a degree from Colorado College in 1998 cost a person over $120,000. Lucky for me, I had a scholarship and owe under $30,000. We all make choices. We make very important choices when we are young and wrinkle-less. I turned down a full scholarship to Michigan State University after graduating from East Lansing High School and headed to Colorado. In the end I think this was a very wise choice. I had to leave home and I was not about to go to school down the street from my house.
About 4 years ago I got the bright idea to return to school. I got my Masters in Conflict Resolution from Portland State University in June of 2007 and now I owe another $50,000. When you add in my recent consolidation one thing is painfully clear...."I'm fucked!"
I'm feeling a little bitter right now because I didn't run up some outrageous credit card bill buying a bunch of crap I didn't really need. I didn't buy a house I knew I couldn't afford. I didn't buy a flashy car that was out of my price range. I don't have tons of kids running around that I have to pay for. All I did was go to college...twice! I'll tell you a secret...I want to go back and get my PhD in something. I'm not sure what yet, but I can't seriously consider such a move until I get my shit in order.
The educational system is fucked up. We drop around $220,000 a minute for the Iraq War or whatever it's being called these days. $220,000 a minute!!!! We find so much money for war but not much for educational purposes. To be honest, I'm speaking from a totally selfish position. I don't think "learning" and improving yourself should costs so much money. I don't think getting an education should me you put yourself behind the 8 ball. So now I think to myself...."Self, how many freaking 8-balls can one person be behind?" I don't know the answer to that question but I know I have at least three in front of my ass.
If you're a teacher you can get some of your loans paid off. But if you work in the non-profit sector what is there for you? I'm asking? If anyone knows please hit a handsome Black man up. I feel like if I don't win the lottery when I get back to the states or find a gold mine here in Korea I'm going to be paying for my education until the day dirt gets shovel onto my grave. Scratch that, I won't have dirt shoveled onto my grave. Until the day my ashes are picked up by the wind and blown into space and time. (I don't want to be buried. Don't want to be pumped full of things to prevent my body from decaying rapidly. I just want to be reduced to the elements and set free)
Anyways, I think this feeling of helplessness is worse because I'm overseas at the moment. I don't feel like I have a hold of my own finances and that's a shitty feeling. I know some of you can relate to what I'm saying about school debt. I don't like debt and I don't want anyone else to tell me it's the good kind of debt. As far as I'm concerned there is no good kind of debt, it's a four letter word. And at this moment I just realized debt really is a four letter word. Shit. It's time for me to turn up the flame that fuels my mind and come up with some magic. I do not like this feeling debt gives me. It's like a gigantic elephant (because elephants are usually small...what the fuck Chris?) is sitting on my chest and slapping me about with its trunk. Then as if that's not bad enough, every month this elephant picks me up, turns me on my head, and shakes me quite violently until all the money falls out of my pockets. After collecting said money this gray beast stomps off laughing and says "I'll see you next month punk!" Yes, my gigantic elephant can talk!
This is not the kind of stuff I want to think about while I'm in South Korea. I don't want my experiences here to be tainted by this feeling but it's difficult for it not to. I want to live in this moment and not have my educational choices rear their heads. But I know we can never escape the choices we make in life. I don't regret going to school because it has made me the person sitting before you typing this very odd blog. I have met some great people in my educational life and I can honestly say my educational background has changed my life for the better. It has put me nearer my life's path. But DAMN....I really wish it didn't cost so much money!
Peace and Love.
C
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1 comment:
But it IS GOOD DEBT!!! Look at what debt has allowed you to do in your life. Without debt you can't go to CC and you don't get a masters out in portland and you probably aren't in Korea right now. Debt has allowed you to live life on your terms. Don't think about the dollar amount you owe, think about the investment you have made in yourself and the experiences that you have had.
Maybe if we quit spending a billion a day on pet projects they could make all higher education tax deductible and all student loan interest deductible as well with no limitations. The US should promote higher education and provide incentives to do so.
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