He was in a funk. That much he knew. He couldn't say he was homesick because he wasn't. He had only experienced homesickness one time and that was his first year as an undergraduate in Colorado. It lasted for exactly one month during football season. He didn't want to play any more. The game had lost it's flavor for him. He didn't want to study, he didn't want to talk to anyone he just wanted to go home and sleep in his bed. He ended up flying back to Michigan for a week soon after. His grandfather had recently died although he missed the funeral he decided to go home for a visit. While back at home he saw familiar faces in the crowd and had familiar conversations with them. In a few days he found that he missed looking outside his dorm window and seeing Pikes Peak. He missed walking around the campus and sitting on the bleachers reading a book or watching the sun go down. He never got homesick again. No, he wasn't homesick now. He was bored. He got bored easily and he always had. This presented its share of problems in his life. "The things we do when we get bored", he thought.
Korea was interesting but it had lost its uniqueness a while ago. He had been to the temples, he had seen the mountains (going to school in Colorado had ruined all mountains for him), he had seen the things that people go to Korea to see and now it was time for something different. "What now?" He had plans in the works to start travelling through the rest of Asia but what would he do with the rest of his time in Korea? Then he remembered. People are natural resources that never run out. He enjoyed stories and every body has a story to tell. You just have to know how to ask the right questions to get them to share. You have to be available to listen, so that's what he did. He listened to the stories that were all around him. The boredom evaporated like a puddle in July.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Part III.
He had and probably always would be a man who liked the truth. The truth was very important to him. But, it took him some time to understand that the truth was not absolute. He started to understand that it was honesty he was attracted to. The truth was nice, the truth was an ideal, but honesty is what got his attention. Honesty is hard and honest people should not be taken for granted. This much he knew. The longer he remained in Korea the more he realized he had spent many years being dishonest with himself. That was going to change sooner than he had expected. He remembered, "Honesty is hard."
His days became formulaic at work. He fell into a pattern and became restless. What did he want? He wanted something more but he didn't know what it was. So, he started to take little trips around Korea by himself. He would get on a bus or a train and travel to a city or a town he had never been to. He would get off at his destination and simply walk around. A private person by nature, he was uncomfortably always the focus of attention as he walked around. The smaller towns were the worst. Living in a country that is over 95% ethnically the same can present different challenges when you fall into that 5% category. He decided that the bubble he walked within needed to be popped if he was going to survive in this country of starers and pointers. He walked through neighborhoods and smiled at small children who froze in place when they saw him coming. The more curious ones would practice their English. "Hello", they would say. "Hello", he would reply. Once they realized he could talk the other children would attack him with the English words they knew. Like ravenous sharks they would tear the English from his body. In time he would get used to these events and sometimes enjoy them.
The more he hung out with the new friends he was making the more he realized how much he had changed. The more he talked to his friends back home the more he realized how lucky he was to have them in his life. He was changing and he was bringing them along for the ride. His girlfriend had been in Korea for over half a year and their time together was spent sparingly. It took a buses, subways, trains and taxi cabs to bring them together. He began to realize that they could have lived down the street from each other and they still would have been a universe apart. Things were different. Things had been different for a long time now. For the first time he was being honest with himself. They didn't belong together. A few months later they would break up over the phone and never see each other again. It would be an uneventful departure. Like the air leaving a balloon it would simply shrink until there was nothing left, not even hard feelings.
A month before the break up he would buy her a new digital camera. He knew she enjoyed taking pictures and he wanted to see her smile one last time. By this time he knew the ship was sinking and it was only a matter of time until it sank into the depths of the ocean. His new friends didn't understand why he would spend so much money on a person he was one conversation away from breaking up with (mutually). His old friends never questioned the gift. His old friends knew better. He couldn't fault his new friends for their confusion and what seemed to be frustration with his gesture. They had never met her. They had never witnessed her smile. Almost a year after the break up (mutual) he would go shopping for a digital camera for himself. He wanted to get a nice camera before he returned to the states. As he was testing out the different cameras he would think about her taking pictures and seeing the world through her unique lens. He would feel a twinge of sadness which would quickly be replaced with a smile.
His days became formulaic at work. He fell into a pattern and became restless. What did he want? He wanted something more but he didn't know what it was. So, he started to take little trips around Korea by himself. He would get on a bus or a train and travel to a city or a town he had never been to. He would get off at his destination and simply walk around. A private person by nature, he was uncomfortably always the focus of attention as he walked around. The smaller towns were the worst. Living in a country that is over 95% ethnically the same can present different challenges when you fall into that 5% category. He decided that the bubble he walked within needed to be popped if he was going to survive in this country of starers and pointers. He walked through neighborhoods and smiled at small children who froze in place when they saw him coming. The more curious ones would practice their English. "Hello", they would say. "Hello", he would reply. Once they realized he could talk the other children would attack him with the English words they knew. Like ravenous sharks they would tear the English from his body. In time he would get used to these events and sometimes enjoy them.
The more he hung out with the new friends he was making the more he realized how much he had changed. The more he talked to his friends back home the more he realized how lucky he was to have them in his life. He was changing and he was bringing them along for the ride. His girlfriend had been in Korea for over half a year and their time together was spent sparingly. It took a buses, subways, trains and taxi cabs to bring them together. He began to realize that they could have lived down the street from each other and they still would have been a universe apart. Things were different. Things had been different for a long time now. For the first time he was being honest with himself. They didn't belong together. A few months later they would break up over the phone and never see each other again. It would be an uneventful departure. Like the air leaving a balloon it would simply shrink until there was nothing left, not even hard feelings.
A month before the break up he would buy her a new digital camera. He knew she enjoyed taking pictures and he wanted to see her smile one last time. By this time he knew the ship was sinking and it was only a matter of time until it sank into the depths of the ocean. His new friends didn't understand why he would spend so much money on a person he was one conversation away from breaking up with (mutually). His old friends never questioned the gift. His old friends knew better. He couldn't fault his new friends for their confusion and what seemed to be frustration with his gesture. They had never met her. They had never witnessed her smile. Almost a year after the break up (mutual) he would go shopping for a digital camera for himself. He wanted to get a nice camera before he returned to the states. As he was testing out the different cameras he would think about her taking pictures and seeing the world through her unique lens. He would feel a twinge of sadness which would quickly be replaced with a smile.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Part II.
He woke up to find he had been in Korea for three months. It wasn't anything like he had expected it to be. For some reason he had convinced himself he was going to travel back in time when he left Oregon. He was going to travel to a time and place where things were simple and fresh. Korea was not simple and it was not fresh. It was old, but it had new veins running all over its landscape. They could teach the United States a thing or two about technology that was for sure. He didn't have to worry if he started to yearn for something western because Korea had decided it was a good idea to put a Dunkin Doughnuts or a Baskin Robins every 100 feet in the city. But lucky for him he did not live in the city, he had to take an hour long bus ride to get into the city. Some days it wouldn't feel lucky but a year later he would be thankful for it.
His job wasn't what he thought it would be either. It was a job just like all the others, except this time, it was in Korea. "What exactly do you want to do with your life?" He will ask himself this question for the next year and a half. He would get the know the people he had been working with very well. Some he would like to forget and some would become a part of his story. His friend pool was expanding and for the first time in his life he didn't put up dams. He started to ask himself "What would I normally do?" and he would do the opposite. It felt good to step out of himself but something never change. He could still spot an asshole a mile away. He thought it was funny that no matter what country people are from there will always be assholes. He had made three good friends in just as many months.
The first two were men and this was something new for him. He'd known nearly all of his guy friends since diapers so making new male friends was a big deal for him. These two friends would remain his friends for the entire time he stayed in Korea. He suspected they would remain his friends long after that too. The third friend was a female from South Africa. She reminded him of a girl he knew in middle school and he liked her instantly. She liked to borrow things (books, plates, shirts, etc.) from him and not return them for weeks at a time. They remained at her place until he noticed them while eating dinner at one of her many "food/people" sessions. "Hey, is that mine?" he would ask. "Yeah, I meant to give that back to you" was her standard answer. She would bring him back a cheetah print muscle shirt from South Africa a year later. She would tell him that all the black Africans (he forgot there were white africans) wear them and that he should get in touch with his roots. This statement would make him laugh every time he thought about it from then on.
He would attempt to learn Korean but would never give it his all. He was different. He had always been different but now he was different without rules. Being differnet in the United States is not like being different in Korea. Being different here meant people would point, laugh, touch and smell and on one occasion a little girl, no older than seven, would stick out her tiny tongue and lick his arm. She would think he was made of chocolate and since she liked chocolate she would try to taste him. This incident would make him famous among his new group of friends.
He had not been in Korea half a year yet but he felt change happening all around him. He felt it inside of him too. This adventure would change his person and decided to sit back and float down the river for a while. It felt so good to let the river do all the work.
His job wasn't what he thought it would be either. It was a job just like all the others, except this time, it was in Korea. "What exactly do you want to do with your life?" He will ask himself this question for the next year and a half. He would get the know the people he had been working with very well. Some he would like to forget and some would become a part of his story. His friend pool was expanding and for the first time in his life he didn't put up dams. He started to ask himself "What would I normally do?" and he would do the opposite. It felt good to step out of himself but something never change. He could still spot an asshole a mile away. He thought it was funny that no matter what country people are from there will always be assholes. He had made three good friends in just as many months.
The first two were men and this was something new for him. He'd known nearly all of his guy friends since diapers so making new male friends was a big deal for him. These two friends would remain his friends for the entire time he stayed in Korea. He suspected they would remain his friends long after that too. The third friend was a female from South Africa. She reminded him of a girl he knew in middle school and he liked her instantly. She liked to borrow things (books, plates, shirts, etc.) from him and not return them for weeks at a time. They remained at her place until he noticed them while eating dinner at one of her many "food/people" sessions. "Hey, is that mine?" he would ask. "Yeah, I meant to give that back to you" was her standard answer. She would bring him back a cheetah print muscle shirt from South Africa a year later. She would tell him that all the black Africans (he forgot there were white africans) wear them and that he should get in touch with his roots. This statement would make him laugh every time he thought about it from then on.
He would attempt to learn Korean but would never give it his all. He was different. He had always been different but now he was different without rules. Being differnet in the United States is not like being different in Korea. Being different here meant people would point, laugh, touch and smell and on one occasion a little girl, no older than seven, would stick out her tiny tongue and lick his arm. She would think he was made of chocolate and since she liked chocolate she would try to taste him. This incident would make him famous among his new group of friends.
He had not been in Korea half a year yet but he felt change happening all around him. He felt it inside of him too. This adventure would change his person and decided to sit back and float down the river for a while. It felt so good to let the river do all the work.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Part I.
He had decided to teach in Korea for a year because he had nothing better to do. A recent college graduate with a Master's degree that was hard to explain and even harder to get work with he thought maybe a year in a foreign country was just what he needed. Finding a job, although somewhat stressful, was easier than he had imagined. This was going to be his first long term adventure overseas and he had his reservations. He didn't know much about Korea or Koreans for that matter. "Koreans are short, right?" He prided himself on having a diverse group of friends but Koreans had not yet made it into his pack. He gave his job notice (good riddance) and he waited until it was time to go.
He had been in a relationship for quite sometime and he hoped his flight to Korea would be less rocky. "Friends, we should have only been friends" he thought to himself. Although they were both going to Korea (she would arrive two months later) he knew inside that mystic part of himself that they would not be leaving Korea together.
Finally the day came where picked up his two bags (one was full of things he would later realize he didn't need)and boarded a plane destined for the future. The plane ride was comfortable beyond his expectations. He made a mental note that he would book this airline for his flight home. Before he knew it the plane was touch down a few mile outside Seoul. He had not sleep a single wink. He had not rested his eyes one time.
The airport was smaller than he thought it would be and easier to navigate (thank God). His ride was holding a sign with his name on it (spelled wrong of course). The man who would take his bags and drive him to his new home was ancient. He said "Hello" in Korean and then climbed into the back of an old van that smelled of smoke, garlic and a new scent he would come to know very well in time. To say that man driving the odor filled van drove fast would be under and understatement. The old man made up for his age with his skills on the road. Red lights were a thing of the past. Speed was the future. The ride took longer than expected but was exhilarating none the less.
He knew he was close to his destination when the old mans GPS system started ringing. He looked out his window as the van slowed down and for the first time he saw what was to be his new home for what he thought would only be a year (he was wrong). He was not scared but a chill ran through his body anyways. Without warning his body became very tired and he knew sleep was near.
There was a younger foreign man (non-Koreans are foreigners in Korea) waiting as the Van came to a stop. He was nice enough looking. Definitely not threatening and definitely not American. "Australian or from New Zealand" he thought. The younger man helped him out of the van and showed him to his apartment. The young man gave a quick, thick accent filled information session and then left him to settle in. "This apartment is small and there's no toilet paper" he thought. It was late and he was tired. He found some napkins in one of the cabinets and he used the bathroom. He was too tired to unpack and almost too tired to put sheet on the bed...almost, but there were something about him that would never change. He put new sheets on the bed.
It was late October and the night air was cool. He opened his window and took a deep breath. He could still smell garlic in his nostrils. He looked around the room that would become his home and thought, "I'll clean tomorrow." He lay down on his rock hard mattress and closed his eyes for the first time in a long time.
He had been in a relationship for quite sometime and he hoped his flight to Korea would be less rocky. "Friends, we should have only been friends" he thought to himself. Although they were both going to Korea (she would arrive two months later) he knew inside that mystic part of himself that they would not be leaving Korea together.
Finally the day came where picked up his two bags (one was full of things he would later realize he didn't need)and boarded a plane destined for the future. The plane ride was comfortable beyond his expectations. He made a mental note that he would book this airline for his flight home. Before he knew it the plane was touch down a few mile outside Seoul. He had not sleep a single wink. He had not rested his eyes one time.
The airport was smaller than he thought it would be and easier to navigate (thank God). His ride was holding a sign with his name on it (spelled wrong of course). The man who would take his bags and drive him to his new home was ancient. He said "Hello" in Korean and then climbed into the back of an old van that smelled of smoke, garlic and a new scent he would come to know very well in time. To say that man driving the odor filled van drove fast would be under and understatement. The old man made up for his age with his skills on the road. Red lights were a thing of the past. Speed was the future. The ride took longer than expected but was exhilarating none the less.
He knew he was close to his destination when the old mans GPS system started ringing. He looked out his window as the van slowed down and for the first time he saw what was to be his new home for what he thought would only be a year (he was wrong). He was not scared but a chill ran through his body anyways. Without warning his body became very tired and he knew sleep was near.
There was a younger foreign man (non-Koreans are foreigners in Korea) waiting as the Van came to a stop. He was nice enough looking. Definitely not threatening and definitely not American. "Australian or from New Zealand" he thought. The younger man helped him out of the van and showed him to his apartment. The young man gave a quick, thick accent filled information session and then left him to settle in. "This apartment is small and there's no toilet paper" he thought. It was late and he was tired. He found some napkins in one of the cabinets and he used the bathroom. He was too tired to unpack and almost too tired to put sheet on the bed...almost, but there were something about him that would never change. He put new sheets on the bed.
It was late October and the night air was cool. He opened his window and took a deep breath. He could still smell garlic in his nostrils. He looked around the room that would become his home and thought, "I'll clean tomorrow." He lay down on his rock hard mattress and closed his eyes for the first time in a long time.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Where Ever You Go You Take Yourself With You
Where ever you go you take yourself with you. I was at a friends house the other night for a dinner party and she had this written on her kitchen cabinets in dry erase marker. The cabinets in our apartments are all white and made of the same material used to make white boards so the foreign teachers like to use this space to write information on. Anyways, I had seen this quote before but I wanted to get her perspective on it. She's from South Africa and has been living in Korea for the past three years. She has also been all over this planet in her very short 30 years. So I asked her about the quote and she answered it in typical Christa fashion. Keep in mind that Christa has probably been one of my most trusted friends since I've been in Korea. She told the small group of people at the table how she first left South Africa because she wanted to live in other countries and experience other cultures. But then she followed it up with something I thought was very insightful.
She told us how unhappy she was in South Africa and that unhappiness followed her around to each and every country she has worked in. I guess Christa thought moving around would help her feel something more or find that "thing" she was searching for but it never happened. So she had the same feeling in Israel as she did in Finland as she did in Japan as she did in Russia as she did in Egypt as she did in Germany as she did in Korea. The thing that first drew me to Christa was that she wasn't snobbish or arrogant about her travels around the world. She never bragged about all the places she has visited or lived in. They were just simply a part of her story. She travels because that what she likes to do. She doesn't travel for anyone else but herself. I've been to a few places with her and I've learned a lot about how she approaches new places and people. It has been a humbling experience to spend time with someone who approaches life and people with such mindfulness.
But when Christa explained that it didn't matter where she went she was always going to feel this unhappiness until she travelled within herself to figure out what her deal was I could relate to that wholly. I could have been on the most for a decade. I could have been jumping from county to country but I would always be with myself. Christa is great for self reflection and that's what I got out of that dinner party...that and some wild ass South African food. I think I can enjoy my surrounding and the people around me now more than I have been able to at any other point in my life because I'm at peace with myself for the first time in my life. I'm taking care of myself and as a result people like Christa have become a part of my life.
One of the best things about my current work environment is that I have been able to meet folks from all over the English speaking parts of the world. You have to speak English to work here of course. I now have reasons to visit other countries and places to stay when I visit those countries. In a perfect world I would buy a house in Portland (something I've been thinking about more and more) and rent it out while I continue to work and travel around for a few more years. Portland is actually a wonderful city and I apologize for all the times I took it for granted. I'm a big enough person to admit when I was wrong about something and I was wrong about that.
I guess I'll just have to wait and see what life has in store for me. Happy spring days to all of you.
She told us how unhappy she was in South Africa and that unhappiness followed her around to each and every country she has worked in. I guess Christa thought moving around would help her feel something more or find that "thing" she was searching for but it never happened. So she had the same feeling in Israel as she did in Finland as she did in Japan as she did in Russia as she did in Egypt as she did in Germany as she did in Korea. The thing that first drew me to Christa was that she wasn't snobbish or arrogant about her travels around the world. She never bragged about all the places she has visited or lived in. They were just simply a part of her story. She travels because that what she likes to do. She doesn't travel for anyone else but herself. I've been to a few places with her and I've learned a lot about how she approaches new places and people. It has been a humbling experience to spend time with someone who approaches life and people with such mindfulness.
But when Christa explained that it didn't matter where she went she was always going to feel this unhappiness until she travelled within herself to figure out what her deal was I could relate to that wholly. I could have been on the most for a decade. I could have been jumping from county to country but I would always be with myself. Christa is great for self reflection and that's what I got out of that dinner party...that and some wild ass South African food. I think I can enjoy my surrounding and the people around me now more than I have been able to at any other point in my life because I'm at peace with myself for the first time in my life. I'm taking care of myself and as a result people like Christa have become a part of my life.
One of the best things about my current work environment is that I have been able to meet folks from all over the English speaking parts of the world. You have to speak English to work here of course. I now have reasons to visit other countries and places to stay when I visit those countries. In a perfect world I would buy a house in Portland (something I've been thinking about more and more) and rent it out while I continue to work and travel around for a few more years. Portland is actually a wonderful city and I apologize for all the times I took it for granted. I'm a big enough person to admit when I was wrong about something and I was wrong about that.
I guess I'll just have to wait and see what life has in store for me. Happy spring days to all of you.
Monday, May 4, 2009
The Rides Almost Over
I'm waiting for my visa to arrive so I can travel to Vietnam in late June. I'm going to travel around Northern Vietnam for just over 10 days. During my time in Asia I've found that I enjoy traveling around by myself. During my time in Korea I've found that I enjoy my alone time more than I thought was possible. Don't get me wrong because God knows I love being around my friends. But I've found a new sense of myself over the past year or so. I have been enjoying getting to know myself again. I'm looking forward to this last trip and I'm excited to see what Vietnam has to teach me. The more time I spend by myself when traveling somewhere the more I like myself. I'm a funny guy. I enjoy meeting new people and I have fun trying to communicate through sounds, hand motions and facial expressions. My face has been my savior in more than one instance over the past year. People keep telling me to stop by this town when I land and have some suits made for my body but I'm not going to Vietnam to buy stuff. I'm going to Vietnam for a few reason but none of those reasons has to do with purchasing materials of any kind.
My uncle who recently passed away fought in the Vietnam War and although he never personal talked about his experiences in that country I heard stories from my aunts and uncles. I don't think I'm going to be in the area he found himself fighting for his life in but I think it would make him smile to find out his nephew walked around Vietnam.
Even though I'm not coming home for almost three months I've found some anxiety settling into these old bones of mine. As excited as I am to see my friends and hang out with them I know that I'm not the same person. I mean, I still hate Alex. I'm still funny and intelligent. I'm actually getting more handsome if you can believe that but the changes I'm talking about are on the inside. I think I've changed for the better but there's always room for improvement. I think I'm anxious to see how people have changed and how I will relate to them now.
I think I'm happier than I've been in the past decade. I've got that kind of happiness that turns lemons into lemonade. I'm tapping into my own potential and I'm understanding who I really am. I think I'll always be more of a private person but I'm learning to let people in more often. I still enjoy my "me time" and personal space but I'm enjoying socializing with people and just accepting them for who they are and enjoying my relationship with them for what it is.
Doubt is the monkey on my back and I've carried the bastard around for longer than I care to think about. But I've learned to love the little bastard and I do mean little now. Either he's grown smaller or I've grown stronger and he doesn't weigh me down as much. I used to fight or ignore and now I look straight ahead with open eyes and more importantly an open heart. I am a willing student to the lessons that are presented to me on a daily basis.
I don't question people's motives as much any more. If a woman expressed interest in me in the past I would instantly wonder what the hell was wrong with them. Since high school (remember I'm 33) I've found myself attracted to women who were unavailable in one way or another. Which sounds like I'm blaming them but in actuality what I'm saying is that I did not have to be available in return. The monkey could gorge himself and I would find my movement towards healthy relationships more stunted as the years rolled by.
This unavailability was not just designated to my girlfriends. My family has felt the sting too. I feel lucky to have figured at least this much out before I hit my 50's. I am not looking for a serious relationship with anyone but I am not shutting myself off from one either. I don't get that uncomfortable feeling any more when a woman flirts with me. I am not shutting myself off from getting to know my family again and I am working on being a more present friend...except to Alex.
Asia has been an interesting ride and although I'm ready to move on I'm grateful for all that I've learned since arriving here. Some lessons have been harder than others but I've gained insight nonetheless.
My uncle who recently passed away fought in the Vietnam War and although he never personal talked about his experiences in that country I heard stories from my aunts and uncles. I don't think I'm going to be in the area he found himself fighting for his life in but I think it would make him smile to find out his nephew walked around Vietnam.
Even though I'm not coming home for almost three months I've found some anxiety settling into these old bones of mine. As excited as I am to see my friends and hang out with them I know that I'm not the same person. I mean, I still hate Alex. I'm still funny and intelligent. I'm actually getting more handsome if you can believe that but the changes I'm talking about are on the inside. I think I've changed for the better but there's always room for improvement. I think I'm anxious to see how people have changed and how I will relate to them now.
I think I'm happier than I've been in the past decade. I've got that kind of happiness that turns lemons into lemonade. I'm tapping into my own potential and I'm understanding who I really am. I think I'll always be more of a private person but I'm learning to let people in more often. I still enjoy my "me time" and personal space but I'm enjoying socializing with people and just accepting them for who they are and enjoying my relationship with them for what it is.
Doubt is the monkey on my back and I've carried the bastard around for longer than I care to think about. But I've learned to love the little bastard and I do mean little now. Either he's grown smaller or I've grown stronger and he doesn't weigh me down as much. I used to fight or ignore and now I look straight ahead with open eyes and more importantly an open heart. I am a willing student to the lessons that are presented to me on a daily basis.
I don't question people's motives as much any more. If a woman expressed interest in me in the past I would instantly wonder what the hell was wrong with them. Since high school (remember I'm 33) I've found myself attracted to women who were unavailable in one way or another. Which sounds like I'm blaming them but in actuality what I'm saying is that I did not have to be available in return. The monkey could gorge himself and I would find my movement towards healthy relationships more stunted as the years rolled by.
This unavailability was not just designated to my girlfriends. My family has felt the sting too. I feel lucky to have figured at least this much out before I hit my 50's. I am not looking for a serious relationship with anyone but I am not shutting myself off from one either. I don't get that uncomfortable feeling any more when a woman flirts with me. I am not shutting myself off from getting to know my family again and I am working on being a more present friend...except to Alex.
Asia has been an interesting ride and although I'm ready to move on I'm grateful for all that I've learned since arriving here. Some lessons have been harder than others but I've gained insight nonetheless.
Friday, May 1, 2009
A love letter to my friends
A very, very good friend of mine just sent me an email in which she pretended to be having a conversation with me. I think the point of her very funny message to me was that she would like to hear from me more often. I think she believes our lack of interaction lately is due to a lady friend of mine but this assertion is false. Our lack of communication is due to a change in my work schedule and the fact that she is never on skype. But her email did inspire me to put finger to keyboard and write a little bit.
After I read her email and finished laughing I started thinking about people who stop talking to their friends because they are in a relationship with someone. I think that is the worst thing a person can do and I'm sure at some point we have all done it. I thought about my past relationships and I came to the conclusion that my friendships have always been the other woman. I am in love with the majority of my friends...except you Alex, the only thing I feel for you is hate and disgust! It doesn't matter how much I like someone I'm with I always have my friends in the back of my mind. I'm not sure if that's healthy or not but I thought I'd just come clean with it. Relationships end or at least mine do and when they go the way of the Dodo Birds I have always had my friends. Sure I have lost some along but for the most part I have a solid group of people I trust and can be myself around.
All of my friends are so unique. I've always thought if I could somehow harness all the potential in the people I call my friends I would be a rich man. But the emotional support I get from my friends, in particular my female friends has always sustained me in hard times. I tend to lean more on my friends than I do my partners. You don't have to say anything because I'm pretty sure that's not the healthiest thing in the world but I'm trying to be honest here. As we all know I have trust issues with my partners. Yes, I'm working on it but it's a slow process. Those trust issues melt away with my friends and I think that's why I like spending time with all of you. You can imagine what the past two years has been like for me. Sure I've made some good friendships here and there are some people here who I will continue to be in touch with after I leave but I have not found anyone like the people I left back in the states.
So when I say that I can't wait to see all of you I truly mean it from the bottom of my heart. I miss you guys and I can not wait to hang out with you. You know I'm going to cause trouble when we reunite but that's what I do and that's why you love me.
So to my friend who would like me to contact her soon I say "of course I will." I will skype you this weekend and you can vent about your life. I will always make time for the people who are important in my life. That is why I never have time for you Alex.
I have known some of you as long as I have known myself. I've lived with some of you. I've taken road trips with some of you. I've stayed up all night with some of you. We've cried, we've laughed, we've fought and we are still friends. Okay I'm done drooling over all of you now so I'll leave you with this quote:
"Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends."
~ Richard Bach
After I read her email and finished laughing I started thinking about people who stop talking to their friends because they are in a relationship with someone. I think that is the worst thing a person can do and I'm sure at some point we have all done it. I thought about my past relationships and I came to the conclusion that my friendships have always been the other woman. I am in love with the majority of my friends...except you Alex, the only thing I feel for you is hate and disgust! It doesn't matter how much I like someone I'm with I always have my friends in the back of my mind. I'm not sure if that's healthy or not but I thought I'd just come clean with it. Relationships end or at least mine do and when they go the way of the Dodo Birds I have always had my friends. Sure I have lost some along but for the most part I have a solid group of people I trust and can be myself around.
All of my friends are so unique. I've always thought if I could somehow harness all the potential in the people I call my friends I would be a rich man. But the emotional support I get from my friends, in particular my female friends has always sustained me in hard times. I tend to lean more on my friends than I do my partners. You don't have to say anything because I'm pretty sure that's not the healthiest thing in the world but I'm trying to be honest here. As we all know I have trust issues with my partners. Yes, I'm working on it but it's a slow process. Those trust issues melt away with my friends and I think that's why I like spending time with all of you. You can imagine what the past two years has been like for me. Sure I've made some good friendships here and there are some people here who I will continue to be in touch with after I leave but I have not found anyone like the people I left back in the states.
So when I say that I can't wait to see all of you I truly mean it from the bottom of my heart. I miss you guys and I can not wait to hang out with you. You know I'm going to cause trouble when we reunite but that's what I do and that's why you love me.
So to my friend who would like me to contact her soon I say "of course I will." I will skype you this weekend and you can vent about your life. I will always make time for the people who are important in my life. That is why I never have time for you Alex.
I have known some of you as long as I have known myself. I've lived with some of you. I've taken road trips with some of you. I've stayed up all night with some of you. We've cried, we've laughed, we've fought and we are still friends. Okay I'm done drooling over all of you now so I'll leave you with this quote:
"Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends."
~ Richard Bach
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