I wasn't really planning on writing another blog until the new year but sometimes things happen and you gotta talk about them. I've been keeping to myself a lot lately because I've had a lot on my mind. I'm officially on my vacation now and have been catching up on some much needed sleep and finishing and starting books I've been meaning to get to. It's cold but not nearly as cold as I've heard about back in the US. I miss snow days, there has not been much snow here but the wind has been cold and fearless. I'm finally feeling better and have been going on long jogs to clear my head and get away from things. Not that there is that much to get away from out where I live. When I go on my longer jogs I jog by this place I have nicknamed "the killing fields" because it is full of cages that house different kinds of animals. These animals range from deer to dogs. I'm pretty sure they are being housed to be slaughtered at a later date. The cages are pretty rusty and everything except the deer stay in cages. The deer are kept in more of a pin that has nothing but dirt in it. I've been jogging by this place for the past month and usually try to avoid making eye contact with the animals. Until last week I never actually saw any of the dogs I could just hear them barking loudly, so loud I can hear them over my headphones.
Long story short, I've become the foster parent of a runaway dog. I took an early morning jog yesterday it was cold as shit. I didn't even plan on it being a long jog but I was feeling Forrest Gumpish and just kept running. I ran past the killing fields and it was pretty quiet. Usually, I run a loop and end up back at my apartment, but I decided to just turn around after a while and double back. When I passed the area of the killing fields again there was this light brown dog along the side of the road near the deer. It was looking pretty beaten down and skinny. I didn't stop so much as pause. We made eye contact and it start following along the fenced area as I jogged along. I scanned ahead and saw an opening about a quarter of a mile ahead. Now this dog looked like it was hungry and in a bad mood. It didn't bark at me but it was following me like it wanted to kick my ass. I can't really blame it, I mean, I'm pretty sure this dog was an "eating dog." Most of the dogs in Korea are small but this is a medium sized dog and looks like a cross between a lab and some kind of wolf. Needless to say I was preparing to climb up a tree if I needed to. It kept following me along the fence and then it came to the opening and poked through. I stopped and we looked at each other for a while. I could see it's breath in the air and even though I was warm I knew it was very cold outside. I kind of just stood there for a few seconds to see if it was going to attack me but it just stood near the opening of the fence looking at me breathing out clouds of cold air. I think I may have winked at it and then kept jogging. I looked back and it was walking at a fast pace keeping it's distance but obviously following me. I was a couple miles away from home and I thought it would turn around and make the death march back to the killing fields at some point but this is one smart dog. It stayed with me the entire time. I kept telling myself if it followed me all the way back home I would keep it around and see if anyone wanted a dog where I live. People actually pick up strays all the time at my work place, although it has happened for a while and the dogs are usually a lot smaller. She must have read my mind cause she kept pace right up to my building. I got to entrance of my building and stopped and turned around. There she was, skinny, tired looking down at the ground every once in a while waiting to see what I was going to do. I couldn't' help but smile and walked into my building, she didn't budge. She stayed outside and I thought about taking a nice warm shower and then seeing if she was still there when I got done. I didn't. I went back outside and invited Temp (I named her Temp cause she's temporary) in. She accepted and for the past few days I've been living with a dog.
I've always wanted a dog but never thought I could take care of one the way it needed to be taken care of. Now, I have a dog, at least for a while. I went jogging with Temp today and I was curious if she would run off but she didn't. I decided it wasn't a good idea to jog past the killing fields today though. She's actually looking at me right now as I'm typing this blog and I gotta tell you it's kind of nice being around something that likes you. At least I think she likes me. We're still getting to know each other. Good thing I'm not going any where for the holidays, give me a little bonding time. I've got a couple people in mind who might want to take Temp but they are all on vacation right now. I figure I have a few months to find an appropriate home for her and truth be told I'm not in a hurry to unload her. She sleeps on the couch right now but I wake up at night and she'll be staring at me like she wants to get on the bed but isn't quite comfortable enough yet to make that leap. It's kind of funny. I can't blame her. I'm probably the first black person she's ever seen plus my Korean isn't that great. I gotta find out Korean commands and sayings for dogs.
BUT I DID NOT DECIDE TO WRITE A BLOG BECAUSE I'M HOUSING A DOG AT THE MOMENT...
I decided to write a new blog because I met a woman today who is the definition of life. I'm still in awe actually from her story and her overall energy. I went into Seoul today to buy some refried beans at this foreign market I like to go to. I finished all my shopping and had about an hour to kill before the bus came to take me back to where I live. I decided to go into a coffee shop and read a book I brought with me. I don't drink coffee and I don't really drink tea so I ordered a hot chocolate. I had forgot how right it feels to drink hot chocolate on a cold day. I settled down in my chair and started the last chapter of "Anansi Boys" by Neil Gaiman. I'm a very observant person but lately I've developed the ability to go deep inside of my own world and I was zoned out in the coffee shop reading this book. I don't know how long she was standing there talking to me but it must have been at least ten seconds. I looked up and standing over me was this midnight skinned woman with tightly braided hair. She repeated the title of the book I was reading but I didn't understand what she was saying until she pointed to the book itself and said "Anansi, that's African." Being that my personal bubble had just been burst I was a little slow and said something like, "yeah, it's a good book." She laughed and asked if she could sit down while she waited for David. Two things came across my mind at this point. The first was that she had an accent which sounded like a combination of French and Spanish, the second thing I thought was who the hell is David. She said David like I knew who David was and it was at this moment that I realized she is one of those people who has the ability to talk to anyone at anytime. I politely folded my book pages together and said "sure." She sat and I asked her who David was. David is her fiancee from Canada. She is from the Republic of Congo and has been living in South Korea for over 4 years now. It took everything I had not to mimic her voice. I love accents! She met David last year at some convention in Seoul. Her name is Cheapo. I know I didn't spell it right but that's what it sounds like. As soon as she shared this information with me in the first minute she sat down I knew I would not be opening my book again in that coffee shop. She looked at me for a while and didn't say anything, so I looked at her too. I noticed she had a deep scar down the middle of her forehead. It didn't take away from her features one bit though. Cheapo is really striking actually. Her skin is flawless and shines a deep black. She has one of those faces that could be 20 or 40 something. I gathered later in the conversation that she had to be in her 40's. Cheapo has the body of a long distance runner. She has the kind of smile I've always wanted. Her teeth are perfect, so perfect they look fake actually. Against the color of her skin those teeth demand your attention when her mouth opens.
She was talking with that wonderful accent for a few minutes and then she said, "Why are you so sad?" It took me a while to register the question. It seems that even drinking hot chocolate in a coffee shop while reading a book I emit a energy of sadness to complete strangers. I opened my mouth to answer but she didn't moved on and followed up with "you look like my younger brother James...he's dead." I could feel the energy at the table shift instantly and I realized that although I had been listening to her talk for a while I wasn't really hearing what she was saying. Now I started to hear her. I waited and then asked her about her brother. To my own surprise I didn't say "oh I'm sorry" which would be my standard response to information like that. I just said "when?" But sometimes the shortest questions get the longest answers. I think Cheapo sat down with me because I reminded her of her brother who she loved deeply and misses every day of her life. I'm sure the holidays don't help. James was murdered in front of Cheapo five years ago in Congo. I got the impression that the man who killed Cheapo brother James killed her innocence right after that.
There's this moment when people are telling you true stories of horror when you can respond with a gasp or look away. I'm pretty sure Cheapo was looking into my eyes waiting for this moment. That moment didn't' come and she kept on talking. Again, I have to give credit to my graduate school professor Isbel Ingham. It sounds so strange but she taught her class or at least she tried to teach her class how to listen to peoples stories. If you really listen and hear what people are telling you the world becomes so much bigger. It's amazing. So Cheapo kept talking and her story was heart breaking. She didn't cry until she started talking about my ears. I know that sounds strange but I guess James had small ears too. I don't' think about my ears much but she asked to touch them and I didn't feel it was something I could refuse. She started to cry but didn't' make a sound. The tears just rolled down her face leaving a glassy trail. She wasn't embarrassed by the tears and she didn't apologize like most people would have. Cheapo has the heart of a lion. She is strong beyond measure. I noticed that her tears didn't leave a shadow of salt like mine do. They just seemed to dry and evaporate leaving no hint of their existence.
I wondered why my ears had sparked tears from her eyes and she spoke like she read my mind. Cheapo had raised her younger brother since he was a baby and she used to stroke his ears when he was a boy to calm him. I have to admit, when she stroked my ears there was something calming about the action. So James had been murdered in front of Cheapo and she had been violated like she was not a part of the human race. But she still smiles and she still jokes around. She still sits down and talks to complete strangers at a coffee shop. Her trust in humanity has not been broken. Cheapo is the reason I have so many female friends. Women are so much stronger than men (my personal opinion). I felt this need to apologize to her for the cruelty that happened to her back in the Congo. I didn't. I just smiled and told her she should write about her experiences. That's what she's going to do when she moves to Canada with David. She's excited about going back to school and it is at this moment when she repeats her original question to me. "Why are you so sad" she says. At first, I thought she was making fun of me like she was daring me to talk about my life after sharing a bit of her world with me. But when I looked into her eyes I realized she was serious and genuinely wanted to know what my deal was. I told her that I didn't really FEEL sad but that I've been giving off this sad vibe for a while now. She didn't say anything, she was listening to me now but I didn't really have much to say. She waited and I didn't say anything. She started to smile and I felt like this must be what it's like to have a sister.
She held both her hand out to me like she wanted me to take them. But then she motioned for me to put my hands out like hers were with the palms up. It was at this moment that Canadian Dave walked into the shop with a "what the hell is going on" look on his face. Dave is about six feet tall and the exact opposite of Cheapo in appearance. He has deep green eyes and sandy blond hair. His skin is looks like it hasn't seen the sun in a long time. But they have the same smile. They look good together. He sees me with my palms up and he rolls his eyes saying "Oh, watch out, she's about to read your future." Cheapo smiles and they kiss. Introductions are made and Dave excuses himself to order a coffee. Cheapo smiles and then tells me that she's not going to "read my future" she's just going to "see" what's going on in my life.
I have this strange fear of palm readers, star readers, card readers all of that stuff. I feel like they are going to flip a card or look at a line on my palms and tell me I'm a dead man in a week. But, I decided to let Cheapo do her thing. She started looking at my hands. Squeezing them and holding them every once in a while. David returned and I looked at him but he put one finger over his lips and sat back to watch the show. Cheapo asked when my birthday was and a couple other formal questions. Then she looked at me and said "you have a deep sadness in you that started before your mother gave birth to you." She said I experienced a loss before I was even born. This sent a chill through my entire body and I started to take her a little bit more seriously. She told me I had the spirit of a healer. I shot David a look and he seemed more interested in what she was saying too. She told me that I don't embrace my natural talents enough and that it's time to embrace them wholly. She told me I was "bursting with love" which made me giggle inside and it was again like she read my mind because she said "I'm serious, you're bursting with it." I looked at David and he just hunched his shoulders up. She ended my palm reading by telling me to give "the fear" a big hug and a kiss the next time I see it and it won't be fear any more. I took this to mean I was going to die soon. Just kidding, I actually don't know what she was talking about but I'm sure I'll come up with some theories later (which will all involve me dying I'm sure).
All in all, it was a good day and it's been an interesting week. I have a temporary dog and I got my palms read. I also met a really decent human being who shared a part of herself with me that I will never forget and am very thankful for.
Today I am reminded of this passage from an Eckhart Tolle book I read. It says something like "Nothing has ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being present now; and if the past cannot prevent you from being present now, what power does it have?"
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Speechless.
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