I don't have ball cancer...yet.

Now, in Korea, when you extend your teaching contract you have to get a "medical check-up." To be honest I thought the check up would be a joke but these folks were pretty damn extreme with their checks and their up. I was poked, drained, X-rayed and inspected all over. This check up was a little over a week ago but they just got my results in and I'm officially allowed to stay in this country now. Besides a little lung infection it's nice to know that I don't have any viruses, diseases or infections. But being the paranoid fellow that I am when ever I have to get an HIV test, STD tests, etc I take that horrible trip down memory lane. These tests really force one to revisit their sexual past and I think everyone has at least one suspect person from their sexual pasts. That person that makes you tilt your head to the side and ask yourself "Hmmm, what the fuck was I thinking."

The Korean nurse who took my blood spoke okay English and when I asked her what all they were testing for she told me HIV and other sexual diseases. She didn't say sexually transmitted she actually said "sexual" which made me chuckle a little bit. After taking my blood and urine I had to drop my pants and they busted out what I think was a black light of some sort. They wiped my lower half with a kinda liquid gel substance and basically scanned by plums and sausage. They took a little too long down there in my opinion but they came up and gave me the thumbs up. I assumed that meant I had nothing down there that should not have been down there. After the violation, I had my eyes checked, my lung x-rayed and my inner ears looked at. But it was the blood that was on my mind. Did I have some deadly virus swimming through my veins? Did I have some non-deadly infection or disease as a result of my own carelessness? Well the answer to those questions is "No" and "No." I was pretty sure I was in the safe zone, but you never really no these days.

It feels good to get the clean bill of health but my own paranoia wont' really let me rest peacefully. I have this buddy Arick Brown. We've been friends since birth and he grew up to be a scientist. He tried to explain to me what he does exactly but I don't speak nerd and it went right over my head. What I was able to gather was that he messes around with human genes and has something to do with cure research and what not. He's probably one of the smartest guys I know and one of the best looking geeks on the planet. It really isn't fair that one would be that good looking and that smart all at the same time. To top it off he married another really good looking, smart scientist. She also happens to be cool as hell. Maybe he's fat now? Brownie, I know you read my blogs, are you fat now? Let me know. Anyways, it was Arick who told me something that still haunts my mind. He was visiting Portland with his then "friend" and now wife. He was telling some of us about his job and then he busted out this Gem. This asshole said (and I swear to God he looked dead at me when he said it) "you know guys, if you live long enough you will end up getting cancer, and not the good kind." What the fuck Brownie?! You can't tell someone like me something like that.

I think I spent the rest of that summer telling everyone that I believed I had ball cancer. Mind you, ball cancer would suck and it's a serious issue to have but I think ball cancer would be doubly bad for me. Why? Well, all my male friends are assholes and if any of us lost a testicle to cancer or an accident the nicknames that person would have to endure would last for the rest of that persons life. My name would no longer be Chris it would be something like "Uno."

Again, I'm getting off track. So I got my official contract at the end of last week which means everything checked out. But I wonder how they handle the foreigner that everything does not come back peaches for. I've heard that if you have HIV or pretty much any sexually transmitted disease you are not allowed to extend your contract. I don't think the Koreans have the whole privacy thing down yet. I have not seen one advertisement or literature dealing with sexually transmitted diseases since I've been in this country. Which I think is going to bite them in the ass because these younger kids are not like the old generation. I work with middle school and high school aged kids at my work and they are breaking tradition left and right with each other. For the sake of the youth I hope someone in this country decides it might be a good idea to at least discuss making informed sexual choices. That's the kicker about sexually transmitted diseases, with a little bit of extra attention and thought they are pretty damn preventable. I wonder if the rate of STD's would drop if all the alcohol on the planet disappeared?

I have a confession. This blog was suppossed to be about the treatment people with ethnic ties to the Middle Eastern regions of the world are getting in the United States. It somehow blossomed into a sex ed. blog? I dont' know how that happened but it seems a little strange to transition into my original plans now so I think I'll go for a jog now.

To all of you who are sexually active at this moment (bastards!) be safe and be smart. Remember, there is nothing sexier than knowing your partners past. You don't want someone elses sexual past to fuck up your sexual future.

No more Mr. Nice Guy!

I watched the final presidential debate early this morning and I found myself confused and irritated. I am not even going to attempt to go into my feelings about this election season. As a matter of fact, for the rest of this month I will not blog about anything political....probably. It's time to just wait and see what happens.

A thought did enter my head while watching the television today. I thought that "we" all really do create our own worlds with which to live in. I sometimes wonder if secrets and lies are just a regular part of our lives? I don't think they have to be but I think we are conditioned at a young age to think it's normal to lie, cheat and/or manipulate others to benefit our own current situations. I'll get back to this idea in a second.

Yesterday, the place that I work at had what is known as "Sports Day." All staff was required to participate. It was actually this huge event but it was so damn cheesy and people took the events so seriously. There was really good food at this thing but there was also lots and lots of beer. When I say everyone was required to go to this thing I mean everyone. From the cleaning lady to the folks in administration, Koreans and Foreigners (Side note: I can say "folks" because I am from small town America). People really didn't start getting drunk until all of the events had finished but after that point it was pretty freaking ugly. You don't really wanna see a bunch of old Koreans splayed out on a plastic turf soccer field. It was pretty warm yesterday too, so the smell of soju and beer was thick in the air.

The staff was split into four teams, yellow, red, blue and green. I was forced to play for the red team. The green team was completely stacked with some of the best athletes among the staff. Most of my friends were actually on the green team and mocked my red jersey for pretty much the entire day. As some of you may no I get competitive at times and I found my attitude moving from "I could care less" to "I must crush these people." One of the games we had to play was of course soccer but they (when I say they I mean the Korean organizers) would not let woman play, which caused a problem since our teams were of course coed. This was one of the first events and it got the day off to a poor start. The Korean women did not seem to care because I'm sure they are used to being told they cannot do things, but the foreign women got pissed and rightfully so. Some of the administration tried to go around and explain to them that this was just the "Korean way", but that excuse only really works with new people. Once you've been in this country for a few months the whole "Korean way" excuse just doesn't carry much water any more.

So the game was delayed while things got sorted out. I stood back for a while and watched the action unfold. Some of the women, mostly Americans I noticed, were getting louder and louder with their points. I agreed with them fully but I knew their case was not going any where. I was frustrating to watch while tears started to form in some of their eyes and it was right then that I knew this was going beyond being able to play soccer for some of my teaching peers.

I was lucky enough to have an amazing professor during my graduate studies who helped me to open my eyes to many of the injustices that go on as a "regular" part of life. Isbel is an amazing woman and teacher whom I respect to a very large degree. This is not to say that I agree with everything she says but when I am faced with difficult or situations it is likely that her face or voice will pop into my head. This happens even when I do not want it to. So yesterday, on the sidelines of this soccer field located a few miles from the border of North Korea it was Isbels voice that rang loudly in my head. I knew there was no way that I was going to play in this game if they were not going to allow the women to participate. I walked around to a few of my better friends who are male and I told them that they shouldn't play unless all the teachers are allowed to play. Some of them tried to laugh it off but I quickly gave them this scenario. I asked them would this be acceptable if they announced that the black teachers could not play soccer because it is the "Korean way." I have one buddy who hates to discuss anything that has to do with race. He folded quickly and agreed not to get on the field. The others seemed to understand where I was coming from without making it more personal.

It was time to play and the field was full of Korean staff members and a couple of foreign members, all males of course. I don't think this is what the organizers expected and I'm pretty sure that the president was a little taken back by the lack of participation. When I was approached by one of the administration member's who tried to physically push me onto the field I explained to him why I wasn't getting out there. His response was to call me a woman and laugh. My response to his response was to tell him to "fuck off." My response surprised me as much as it must of surprised him cause he did not come any where near me for the rest of the day.

Now, I didn't get mad (and I was mad) because this guy called me a woman. I could care less and personally I don't think being called a woman should be looked at as negative. It's the same thing when someone calls you gay. As a man I think the expected response to being called a "homo" is anger or staunch denial followed with some kind of display of "hetero-manliness". I could give a fuck if people think I'm gay or not. Being gay does not hold negative content for me. So when this asshole called me a woman, I think I got angry because I know that this country is full of men who think like this and I just got frustrated and annoyed and before I knew it I was telling this guy to fuck off.

There were other activities after the soccer game and everyone was allowed to participate in them. My team came in second after leading in points for the entire day. It was an eight person relay race in which each person ran about 200 meters. The women ran first and our team did pretty good and then it was time for the men's heat. I have to admit that being 32 years old and running faster than 23-26 year olds was a great boost to the ol' ego. I say this with the humbleness of a superior athlete such as myself, "I'm still really fast baby!" I smoked these fools! But, it doesn't matter how fast you run when you have someone on your team who apparently has never ran in their life and trips over their feet while running. This is what happened to our team in the last leg. I led off and we had been in the lead for the entire time and then this Korean gentlemen whom I had never seen before in my life but was on my team tripped while running. It was shameful but kind of funny. I have never seen my friends on the other teams so happy than I have seen them when they beat my team yesterday. I know that I'm an old man now because today my legs are pretty sore and that would not have happened in my 20's. I can hear death knocking at my door.

Now, last night a bunch of us caught the bus and went into Seoul to pal around. This brings me back to my original statement about lies, cheating, manipulation and what not. I will never understand why this is but since I was in elementary school people have always told me things. People tell me their "sins" for lack of a better word and they are not always drunk when they do this. But it doesn't just stop there. I have a knack for finding things out about people I know without asking or even trying. Sometimes I find things out about people that I wish I didn't know. The truth always seems to come out in the end, whether by accident or on purpose it seems that eventually it seeps through the cracks. The problem with this is that if you've based a large part of your reputation or relationship with someone on a lie then when that lie is uncovered you end up looking like an asshole at best. There is something about a lie that dehumanizes people. I can't really explain it. I'm not talking about the kind of lie where you tell someone they look good when they don't or the whole "be good or the fat old white man with the beard won't leave you any presents." I'm talking about the kind of lie, misleading statement or manipulation that leaves both parties feeling like they just gave up a piece of their soul.

I can lie with the best of them by the way. As a matter of fact I'm writing a book that is full of lies but I let the reader know that ahead of time. I do this strange thing with my lies where I will actually tell you that I'm lying to you. You can ask me, "Chris are you lying?" and I will say yes. I also don't lie to make myself look better, I'm pretty comfortable looking like an idiot most of the time. I really do believe that lies in general are the act of selfish people who tend to fear their own reflection in the mirror.

I do know how to keep a secret however, which kind of makes me a liar in a way. I'm participating in the lie itself. Although if I'm in a relationship I will most likely tell my partner at the time most of everything I hear. Which reminds me, Toby and Alex, the things Danielle knows about you two could ruin your life! Lucky for the both of you she always seemed disgusted by you guys and probably locked away all the horrible things you have done in the recesses of her mind. Not so lucky for the two of you that book I'm writing has about a chapter each on both of you and the ridiculous lives you lead.

Anyways, last night I found out more information about people than I ever wanted to know. I found out funny things but I also found out some pretty horrible things. Things that I have no business knowing to be honest with you. I am intrigued about the things we can all hold onto and go about our regular lives with. Human beings are pretty resilient but it has to ware on your spirit after a while holding onto things like that. In the end I guess it always comes down to how much can you live with? In the end, you can't escape yourself. You will always be there and sooner or later you will have to face yourself.

That said I have decided to dedicate the next year of my life to pure evil! This actually won't start until after I get back to the states. But I'm a pretty honest guy and an OK human being and now I think I'm going to see how the other half lives. I decided this a couple of days ago actually. I was ordering a shit load of candy to take to the orphanage next week (because God knows what Korean Orphans really need is sugar) and have a conversation with a friend of mine. She had worked for this NGO in India and asked if I might be interested in volunteering to work with street kids for a few weeks. I guess when you volunteer you end up paying money to stay a certain length of time. But she can get this fee waived for me. So, I've got to fill out some paper work but it looks like I may be going to India for two weeks next year. If it all works out I'm going to do it right after my contract is up and then fly from India back home.

What does this have to do with me turning to the dark side? Nothing really except I've decided this act will be the last decent thing I do for an entire year. After India I will dedicate my life to doing wrong. I won't steal though. Something about stealing just doesn't seem right to me. But besides that I'm going the way of Darth Vader baby. All this really means is that Alex and I will probably become a lot closer since this is how he lives his life every day.

Anways, I just thought I'd give you all the heads up on my upcoming evil tour....oh, this tour will actually start when I get back to Portland, not while I stop off in Michigan and hang out with my niece. No evil around the niece. But after that, evil all the way.

No more bald man in our society!

So at the place I work at, when a person is good at their job or shows any sign of intelligence that person gets more and more responsibility. This responsibility comes in the form of jobs that no one else wants. These jobs do not mean extra pay most of the time although they do mean more hours and more difficult work. This is, I believe, one of the main reasons that most people do very little at my work. For months and months now the administration has been trying to trick me into a Head Teacher position and I continue to refuse the "promotion" because it is not worth it, trust me. In the mean time, I keep getting assigned to these random as jobs and yesterday I got the most random to date. This job is going to last until next Friday when my results will be due. I am one of three foreign judges who must judge a freaking country wide English Speech and Drama contest among elementary, middle school and high school aged kids. This means that I am and will be sending the next week or so looking at digital video of these kids giving their "no longer than five minute speeches" and "no longer than seven minute drama presentations. I've already started and it is painful. Before I continue let me give you some of the titles of these speeches that I've been having to watch. Each video begins with the title of the speech. I have not changed any of the words in the title and I am not making these titles up. Some of the better ones are:
1. A big tip 2. Why do people laugh 3. I want to go first 4. Travel that made me grow up 5. My brothers dog 6. Friends is another me 7. I am falling in love with mile 8. Ways to be happy 9. Our Multi-functional Hands! 10. Please stop dieting! 11. Why the instant food is bad for us? 12. The smaller the hotter 13. Everyone needs exercise 14. save us!! 15. Diamonds ae Sad Women's Best Friend 16. The death of a frog 17. No more bald man in our society 18. The Black Power of Barack Obama 19. Flame in our minds 20. Give a trip to your closed mind 21. Jesus in my life 22. The story that Moved My Talent 23. Christmas is not a birthday of Jesus 24. Be entirely His! 25. Do you think to be This is Always Good? 26. From chick to the cock 27. The word which gives life 28. I respect Abraham Lincoln 29. Mr. Ban KiMoon, Light of My life.

Now, these are the kind of speeches that I'm going to have to listen to 8 hours a day for the next 8 working days. The topics were up to the kids by the way, they could choose whatever they wanted to talk about. I would much rather be teaching but administration gets it locked in their heads which teachers they can trust and like and once you're on that list the only way to get off is to not do your job or to get into some other kind of trouble.

I was called into the office today to discuss the particulars of my new contract. They gave me the maximum amount for my raise and tried to convince me to stay for a year instead of until the end of April. I thought about saying "Hell the No!" but all I was "no thanks." When I was meeting with these three Koreans whom I have had such limited contact with it felt strange to be discussing my new contract with them one of them asked me this very odd question that makes me think I'm in for some shit until I leave in April. In very broken English she said, "What if we make new position that you are required to take? Would this create stress in your life?"

How the fuck do you answer a question like that? I just shook my head no. I'm pretty sure with all the things that have happened to me and around me in the past year or so I can handle six more months of Korean craziness at the work place, but I'm a little nervous what they are going to do with me.

The more I think about it the more I realize that I dont' really enjoy teaching English but I think I would like the chance to travel around some more and have money to do so. Of course the money I'm being paid in is currently worth half of what it used to be worth when I first got here which presents a whole host of problems I don't even want to think about at the moment.

Why can't I find of bag full of money? I'm still holding out for this. In the mean time I've gotta keep working, but I need to find work I want to do. I'm hoping to just relax next summer and figure that all out while keeping my overseas options open. Don't really know why I'm thinking about this shit now.

Oh, I've decided that I swear to much and I will be making a huge push to stop or at least decrease the curse words. Some people smoke, I like to say shit and fuck! I hope people are enjoying their last days of warm weather where ever you may be at this time.

Take care.

This is what the French call "A blog"

First of all I'd like to announce that I spent all of last weekend feverish, in bed, aching all over. It was not fun. I am what the french call "sick." I've had some chest, lung, throat issues for quite some time now actually but it peaked this weekend and took me out. I would like to blame it on my contact with the poor dirty children but I don't think that would be fair. However, as a precaution I will not be going back to that Orphanage and will be requesting a much cleaner Orphanage with better looking Orphans in it. Until this demand is met, I will be with holding my services from the children. I'm feeling a little bit better but I'm not any where close to 100 percent as the french say "that's the way the cookie crumbles."

Now, onto much more important matters. Obama! Look people, in case you have not noticed John McCain and his crew are what the french call "tripp-n." (That will be my last french comment) I have been talking to some people about these last few weeks of the election and how much uglier it's going to get. You got Palin calling Obama a friend of terroists. You have McCain trying to connect Obama's fundraising money to the Middle East. They are both asking Americans to question "who this man really is". You have McCain spokesmen getting crowds fired up by saying Obamas full name (his middle name is Hussein). If you have been able to watch or listen to some of these rallies you can hear people yelling that Obama is a terrorist and recently at one of Palins rallies a person yelled out "Kill Obama". Imagine that, people yelling 'Kill Obama and calling him a terriorist at a McCain rally. I know the secret service has stepped up their security on Obama's ass for these last month until the elections and it would not surprise me one bit if someone tried to take him out. People are losing their shit over this election cycle.

McCain has gone below the gutter so damn quick on this all he has left to do is to call Obama a nigger. I'm not even joking. Why doesn't he just come out and say that shit cause his campaign is pretty much slinging anything they can come up with Obama's way. Now I know some of you might feel like I'm going a little bit overboard but think about all the things they have already called Obama. Think about it. I dont' think I'm off on this one. If they thought it would play positively they would drop the N bomb. This whole fear tactic is ugly and it's not working but it is really pissing me off. I'm actually surprised at how upset I'm getting. And I feel Obamas' pain on this one because he can't really get angry. It's ok for McCain to get angry, which he has done in both debates but if Obama was to get angry it would scare the hell out of the entire country. The limitations on Obama are so great in that regard and I have mad respect (pardon the pun) for him. It is so difficult to remain calm and collected when other people are trying to get you fired up sometimes.

The McCain Campaign is so dishonest that even people like Karl Rove are telling them to calm down. They are playing on old time American fears of "the other" and I really hope it doesn't work this time. I hope we can finally turn the corner in this country and let the sun shine through. We are so desperate for the light right now. It's like the mini-dark ages have been going on over the past 8 years. I honestly can't live in a McCain run United States. I will be so disappointed in the country if this guy wins. I wasn't disappointed when Bush one the first or the second time. I wasn't even surprised, but I will feel something on this one if it all goes to hell. It is so damn important that everybody gets out there and votes. I think this election is going to break records for turn out and that goes in favor of Obama. I've been getting random Obama chants going among the Korean students lately. They like to say his name because of the way it sounds so I get two or three groups to chant it as loudly as they can. It entertains me.

It looks like everything is going to work out for me and I will get to stay here until the end of April. One of my friends who here who was born in Mexico but lives in the states now is starting to teach me Spanish. So maybe I came to Korea to learn spanish. Which may come in handy for me because I have a couple oppurtunites possibly in South America and another one in Spain. But I'm coming home for the summer and nothing is set in stone. Korean is difficult and it's just not going to happen for me so I figured I might as well continue with the ol' Spanish.

The days are getting shorter and the winds are cooling down. Winter is coming to Korea and I have a feeling it's going to be a cold one. I am excited to come home and spend my summer in Portland with a couple of stops here and there.

Don't forget to vote....even if it's for McCain, just vote. To many people had to suffer for the right to vote for us to take it for granted or be overly cynical about it.

Oliver Twist my ass!

Have you ever been to a orphanage? For some reason I didn't think orphanages were real. You don't here much about them in the United States and to be honest all my information on them has come from Oliver Twist. I volunteered over three months ago to visit this orphanage outside of Seoul on the weekdays twice a month. I put my name on some list that was circulating around my workplace and I forgot about it pretty damn quick after that. Well, it turns out someone kept that list and I got the call at the beginning of the week. Although I'm not in the "cheer up poor kids" kind of mood lately something inside of me would not let me say no. I had about two excuses ready to go too. I hoped on the bus after work and it took about an hour and a half to get to this warehouse looking place. To describe it as dirty would be to insult all things with dirt on them. This place was pretty nasty. Again, it's not like Korea is the cleanest place on the planet but this place was pretty damn foul. I knew I was in for some shit before I walked through the door.

About two months ago I took my emotions and feelings and buried them somewhere deep inside my shell. So I thought I was good to go with these little Korean kids. I was going to phone it in. I was going to smile, maybe make a silly face or two and then catch the bus back to my home. It took a total of twenty seconds for these little Korean bastards to melt the frosty shell that covers my heart. These kids don't have shit. As they say if shit was worth something these kids would have been born with out assholes. They are the very definition of poor. The country "takes care of them" but their futures are not looking too good because money buys education in this country. Money also buys good health and I was coughed on pretty much the entire time. There also seemed to be an unusual percentage of deformed little ones moving around this place. But they were so freaking happy to see us. They were thrilled and it wasn't just for the candy. They just wanted to be around us. I get the feeling we (meaning foreigner) don't look at this population the way Koreans look at them. I didn't want to look at these kids like I felt sorry for them and I didn't want to look at them like they were disgusting. I didn't feel pity for them and they were very far from disgusting (although some of the workers treated these kids like they were slightly less than human). To be frank, this was a warehouse of rejects. These were the kids that society does not want but I found them to be beautiful in their own way. They didn't speak English so I spent the majority of the time getting them to repeat words they didn't understand and just acting like a fool. Laughing of course is universal and there was lots of it going around. I try not to like small children but I failed miserable in this case. They got to me. It felt like the Grinch on Christmas. It was like they took a long needle and injected a large dose of "good" directly into my soul. It just felt good and its been a long long time since I felt like that.

I actually felt a little sad when it was time to go. My plan was to go this one time and then make some shit up for the reason why I was not going to be able to go back but that's just not going to happen now. My wallet is going to suffer because I'm bringing back a shit load of candy and little toys next time. Again, it makes me feel kind of silly for complaining about my own circumstances when stuff like this happens to me. Not to say my feelings are not relevant but life could always be so much worse.

I think I'm going to be visiting this orphanage for the rest of my time in Korea. If my I get my information for my visa in time then that will take me into late spring of next year. If not then I guess I'll get to see those little bastards one more time before I get kicked out of the country. We'll just have to wait and see I guess.

Oh yeah, because of this whole poor, dirty kids in an orphanage thing, I also got suckered into running a 10K this coming weekend on the southern tip of Korea. A 10k is a little over six mile which I do at least once or twice during the week anyways but this run is going to totally cut into my "feeling sorry for myself time." I mean, come on people, Orphans and running for charity? I didnt' come to Korea for this feel good shit!

By the way, not a single one of those Korean kids sang or danced....Oliver Twist my ass!!!

Enjoy your days

I realize that some of my most recent posts have been kind of salty but I've never been one to pretend I'm feeling one way when I'm not. I've tried it a couple of times and it just leaves me with a mental and an emotional hangover. The same things happens when I tell a big lie. It does not matter if the person believed my lie because I know what the truth is and it is very difficult to lie to yourself. This is why I usually tell the truth. It's not because I'm a particularly good person it's because I just don't like the way it makes me feel. After watching the first presidential debate and paying attention to the political news it is obvious that one must sell a piece of their soul to participate in this arena. Here's what I just realized and I really do mean I just realized this. I probably won't get to the actual realization until the end of this post so bare with me. I woke up this Sunday morning and I was getting ready to go for a jog. I turned on my computer and saw that Paul Newman died of cancer. Paul Newman is one of my favorite actors and along with Sidney Poitier is one of the reasons I moved to Los Angeles after my undergraduate years. He wasn't just a great actor he was a good person. But he wasn't just a good person he was an interesting man who lived a life full of desire. It appeared that he never lost his desire and therefore remained active in the world for his entire life. He wasn't just an actor he was an activist, an adventurer, an adrenaline junky and much more. He didn't get lost in his money or his celebrity status. He had children, grandchildren and the same partner for over fifty years.

I don't' really talk about my L.A. experience with people very often. I'm not sure why that is but I don't. In those rare moments when I get to talking and sharing I will start to name drop. Now, I hate name dropping and I always have. But it's hard to tell stories about living in L.A. without name dropping sometimes. I have a Paul Newman story that I've never shared before and it only solidified the way I feel about the man. Now Paul Newman did not live in L.A. his home was in Connecticut, but he was in L.A. working on something or other because he rolled into the restaurant I worked at as a bartender. This restaurant was at the bottom of an old hotel that had gone through several name changes during it's lifetime. But what I gathered while working at this place was that back in the day this hotel was very popular with the old Hollywood actors of the silver screen. There was even a rumor that a ghost lived on what I think was the 14 floor. I had a strange encounter on this floor one night when I had to go to the basement to restock the bar after the night was over. I loaded up the service elevator with by crate of bus and hit the first floor but I was taken all the way to the 14th floor. The doors opened and I waited for them to close again. There was no way I was stepping off that elevator to explore. I've seen enough horror movies to know what happens to people who are to damn curious. But, after a couple of minutes the doors remained open and they were not closing even though I kept hitting the button for the first floor. Do you know that I actually ended up stepping off that fucking elevator. It went against everything I believe in but I did it anyways to try and press the elevator buttons on the outside. They didn't seem to be working either so like a cliche I walked further down the hallway and as soon as I did that I heard the doors close and there I was, alone and black on a deserted hotel floor that was said to be haunted. I knew the odds were against me and to be honest I started to get a little bit uncomfortable. I walked towards the stairs and looked at this old black and white photograph of what I assumed the hotel used to look like back in the day. It was shortly after this moment that I got extremely cold and started to feel sick. Now that I think about it I got this exact same feeling when I was in Ireland and outside of this castle that was supposedly the most haunted Castle in the country....anyways, I obviously made it out of there but the experience is one I will never forget. I still can't believe I did your classic "please kill me" move by getting off the elevator but I'm glad I did. I never feel more alive then when I'm scared.

What does all that have to do with Paul Newman? Nothing, it was just a very long side note. Back to my boy Paul. He came into my bar/restaurant on a week day when it wasn't very crowded but it was still like Moses walked into the room because every body parted. He sat down with a small group of gentlemen and the air slowly came back into the room. I had been working at this place for a couple of months now and I was used to seeing famous people but I never expected to see Cool Hand Luke himself. I'm not the type of person who wants autographs or likes to bother people but it took all that I had not to go over there and just shake the mans hand. They ended up ordering some food and I'd be lying if I said I didn't go into stalker mode. I remember telling the cocktail waitress that "Paul Newman ordered a salad? Does he want Newman dressing on the side?" When she went to the table to give them their drinks they all started laughing moments later and although I have no proof I have a feeling she stole my joke! "Damn her!"

The night wore on and these men continued to eat their food and sip their drinks. I was hoping that Paul would venture towards my bar but it didn't appear like he was drinking and it was a slow night so my manager had me doing other things which tapped into my stalker time. But my moment finally came when the man himself got up from the table and walked towards the bar. I swear to you it was like it all happened in slow motion. He walked up to the bar and like most actors he was shorter than I expected him to be (about the same height as me) and his face was thin. But those eyes. They were ice blue. They were true to their hype. Age had nothing on him. It was like his eyes were the source of his power because you could not help but look directly at him. I must have been silently staring a little too long because he spoke to me. His voice was deeper than I expected because it snapped me out of my trance. "Hello." he said. Paul Newman just said hello to me. I quickly thought about my response. There's not much to work with when someone just says hello but I narrowed it down to either "Hello Mr. Newman or Hello Sir." I went with hello sir and he found this to be funny because he laughed. It was actually a laugh and a cough combined. I think he sensed my obvious "star-struckness" because he asked me my name. After I gave it to him he said "Well, Chris, I'd like a beer if you have one." He was smiling at me and I couldn't help but smile back. I asked him what kind and his response is what sealed it for me. He said, "I hope there's a budlight back there." Paul Newman drinks bud fucking light? I loved it and I relaxed instantly. It was like someone turned my brain back on and I was able to speak and move again. I grabbed him a bottle and and poured it into a glass. He looked at the bubbles for a few seconds and a moment of panic passed over me. Was he unhappy with my pour? Was there too much head? Oh shit, did I give Paul Newman a dirty fucking glass? He took the glass with one hand and held out his other hand while saying thank you. I stared at the open hand before me for a moment. It took a second for me to understand that he was about to shake my hand. I examined his hand quickly and noticed how long his fingers were. This was the hand of a man who lived a life using his hands. I shook it and there was surprising strength behind his grip. I told him to "enjoy" the rest of his night and he did the same half laugh half cough. His response was something that I'll never forget and I'm not sure if I'll understand exactly what he meant by it. Before he returned to his table (and left me forever) he replied "Enjoy your days."

I have not thought of this encounter or his statement for almost a decade. But I've been blessed with a good memory and it all came rushing back to me when I read that he had passed away. I have not really been enjoying my days and that's all on me. That has nothing to do with anyone else. "I" have not been enjoying "my" days and that's no way to live. I feel like I've been lost at sea. I'm just floating along in all my perceived problems. Money problems, image problems, emotional problems, relationship problems, work problems. I've been lost at sea for so long I think I forgot what it's like to walk on land. With the help of some people and my own desire improve myself for my own sake I can see the faint outline of land. Now if I just had a motor boat instead of this inner tube.

The answer is....

I'm working with the kids this week because the group that was supposed to come in for the adult program canceled at the beginning of the week. I changed my content area from robotics and science to music and drama about two months ago. When working a job like this it's important to change things up every once in a while or else you will find yourself in a rut pretty quickly. I have not had much time to learn the actual curriculum for my new content area because I've been working only with the adults for almost two month now. I was in a music class this afternoon with two other teachers. One Korean teacher and one foreign teacher who also happens to be a good friend of mine.

At the beginning of each class you introduce yourselves to the students if you have not had them before and then they get to ask the teachers as many questions as they want. So this was a new class and they were very excited to ask all of us questions. It was a regular question asking session, "Where are you from?" "What is your hobby?" "Are you married?" "What is your favorite Korean food?", until one boy asked me this question...."Do you like having the black skin?" The Korean teacher in the room got very uncomfortable and gave the boy a stern look. My buddy, the foreign teacher, started laughing and said "How come no one ever comments on my whiteness?" I looked at this 15 year old boy and smiled. I could tell he was not trying to be funny and he was not attempting to make fun of me somehow. I commented that I thought his question was strange. It is always difficult to respond to questions that entail so much language in the answer. You have to think about your words very carefully to try and make sure they understand what you are saying. I told him that I thought his question was strange because he was basically asking me if I liked myself. I told him that I was born with this skin and YES I did like the skin I was born in. The Korean teacher told the boy that his question was rude, but I told her that it was ok. I don't think the question was rude at all actually. I've been here long enough to know when someone is trying to make fun of a difference and when they are genuinely curious. This kid was just curious. But his question got me thinking.

I've blogged about this before but my experiences in Korea have been so tied to the color of my skin. My blackness is such a big deal in this country that it becomes a distraction at times. I have tried to explain to my non black friends here what it is like but it's nearly impossible to explain unless you experience it. The way that most Koreans look at me. It's not like back in the U.S. I've been stared at with hatred back home. A person might just not like black people back at home. They might hate black people as a matter of fact and they look at me with displeasure. I've gotten that look in every town I've lived in and most towns I've visited. Some people would tell me that I'm exaggerating or just plain paranoid. I am not paranoid and unfortunately I am not exaggerating. But this fact does not own me or run my life.

The looks I get in Korea are quite different though. I am looked at like I'm not a real person. Like I'm a non human. I would take the looks of hate over these looks any day. I've had people look at me and laugh. I've had people look at me and run away. I've had people look at me and follow me around. I've had people look at me and yell and then point. There are two different types of reactions that my non white friends and acquaintances have to these stories. They either shake their heads and put their hand on my shoulder in solidarity or they tell me that they get strange looks to sometimes and that Koreans treat all foreigners like that.

First of all, Koreans do look at foreigners differently, but I have yet to meet one single white person here who has similar stories to mine in relationship to the color of their skin. There is no white person at my work place who has had their skin color come up in a conversation with Korean students or staff members. The color of my skin comes up every single day. Every single day, the color of my skin comes up in conversation. If you can't relate to that then you are white. Some of my friends understand what I'm saying and some don't. I'm not saying that to make people uncomfortable or feel sorry for me. I'm telling people that because it's real. This reality I've been living in Korea has got me thinking about my reality back home.

Some people already know this but until September 11th 2001 I had spent the majority of my life time feeling like all eyes were on me. I was the person who people looked at and felt uneasy with. I was the one people would usually attribute negative things to. After September 11th I could literally feel this energy pass from me to people who of middle eastern heritage and had middle eastern sounding names. I could literally feel the weight being lifted from my shoulders. It's sad to say but for the most part that negative energy has been transferred to a new group. Don't get me wrong now, some of that negative energy has been saved for me but it's almost like the entire country decided that there are "bigger fish to fry" and unfortunately "Muslims" became that fish.

I have been fortunate in my life time to have a wide variety of people I call good friends. Black, White, Brown and everything in between. I love diversity and I still hold to my theory that everyone is going to be a brownish color one day. I am hurting for diversity these days. I think that's why I'm not going to stress myself out if I cannot renew my visa. Korea has been an interesting experience for me and if it's time for me to go home next month then it's time for me to go home next month. We'll just have to wait and see. I don't hate Korea but I cant say that I like it. But being here has given me much insight to who I am on the inside. I've found some surprises and I've had some theories about myself reinforced. I'm still a work in progress but I like my potential.

And yes, I like having black skin.