No more Mr. Nice Guy!

I watched the final presidential debate early this morning and I found myself confused and irritated. I am not even going to attempt to go into my feelings about this election season. As a matter of fact, for the rest of this month I will not blog about anything political....probably. It's time to just wait and see what happens.

A thought did enter my head while watching the television today. I thought that "we" all really do create our own worlds with which to live in. I sometimes wonder if secrets and lies are just a regular part of our lives? I don't think they have to be but I think we are conditioned at a young age to think it's normal to lie, cheat and/or manipulate others to benefit our own current situations. I'll get back to this idea in a second.

Yesterday, the place that I work at had what is known as "Sports Day." All staff was required to participate. It was actually this huge event but it was so damn cheesy and people took the events so seriously. There was really good food at this thing but there was also lots and lots of beer. When I say everyone was required to go to this thing I mean everyone. From the cleaning lady to the folks in administration, Koreans and Foreigners (Side note: I can say "folks" because I am from small town America). People really didn't start getting drunk until all of the events had finished but after that point it was pretty freaking ugly. You don't really wanna see a bunch of old Koreans splayed out on a plastic turf soccer field. It was pretty warm yesterday too, so the smell of soju and beer was thick in the air.

The staff was split into four teams, yellow, red, blue and green. I was forced to play for the red team. The green team was completely stacked with some of the best athletes among the staff. Most of my friends were actually on the green team and mocked my red jersey for pretty much the entire day. As some of you may no I get competitive at times and I found my attitude moving from "I could care less" to "I must crush these people." One of the games we had to play was of course soccer but they (when I say they I mean the Korean organizers) would not let woman play, which caused a problem since our teams were of course coed. This was one of the first events and it got the day off to a poor start. The Korean women did not seem to care because I'm sure they are used to being told they cannot do things, but the foreign women got pissed and rightfully so. Some of the administration tried to go around and explain to them that this was just the "Korean way", but that excuse only really works with new people. Once you've been in this country for a few months the whole "Korean way" excuse just doesn't carry much water any more.

So the game was delayed while things got sorted out. I stood back for a while and watched the action unfold. Some of the women, mostly Americans I noticed, were getting louder and louder with their points. I agreed with them fully but I knew their case was not going any where. I was frustrating to watch while tears started to form in some of their eyes and it was right then that I knew this was going beyond being able to play soccer for some of my teaching peers.

I was lucky enough to have an amazing professor during my graduate studies who helped me to open my eyes to many of the injustices that go on as a "regular" part of life. Isbel is an amazing woman and teacher whom I respect to a very large degree. This is not to say that I agree with everything she says but when I am faced with difficult or situations it is likely that her face or voice will pop into my head. This happens even when I do not want it to. So yesterday, on the sidelines of this soccer field located a few miles from the border of North Korea it was Isbels voice that rang loudly in my head. I knew there was no way that I was going to play in this game if they were not going to allow the women to participate. I walked around to a few of my better friends who are male and I told them that they shouldn't play unless all the teachers are allowed to play. Some of them tried to laugh it off but I quickly gave them this scenario. I asked them would this be acceptable if they announced that the black teachers could not play soccer because it is the "Korean way." I have one buddy who hates to discuss anything that has to do with race. He folded quickly and agreed not to get on the field. The others seemed to understand where I was coming from without making it more personal.

It was time to play and the field was full of Korean staff members and a couple of foreign members, all males of course. I don't think this is what the organizers expected and I'm pretty sure that the president was a little taken back by the lack of participation. When I was approached by one of the administration member's who tried to physically push me onto the field I explained to him why I wasn't getting out there. His response was to call me a woman and laugh. My response to his response was to tell him to "fuck off." My response surprised me as much as it must of surprised him cause he did not come any where near me for the rest of the day.

Now, I didn't get mad (and I was mad) because this guy called me a woman. I could care less and personally I don't think being called a woman should be looked at as negative. It's the same thing when someone calls you gay. As a man I think the expected response to being called a "homo" is anger or staunch denial followed with some kind of display of "hetero-manliness". I could give a fuck if people think I'm gay or not. Being gay does not hold negative content for me. So when this asshole called me a woman, I think I got angry because I know that this country is full of men who think like this and I just got frustrated and annoyed and before I knew it I was telling this guy to fuck off.

There were other activities after the soccer game and everyone was allowed to participate in them. My team came in second after leading in points for the entire day. It was an eight person relay race in which each person ran about 200 meters. The women ran first and our team did pretty good and then it was time for the men's heat. I have to admit that being 32 years old and running faster than 23-26 year olds was a great boost to the ol' ego. I say this with the humbleness of a superior athlete such as myself, "I'm still really fast baby!" I smoked these fools! But, it doesn't matter how fast you run when you have someone on your team who apparently has never ran in their life and trips over their feet while running. This is what happened to our team in the last leg. I led off and we had been in the lead for the entire time and then this Korean gentlemen whom I had never seen before in my life but was on my team tripped while running. It was shameful but kind of funny. I have never seen my friends on the other teams so happy than I have seen them when they beat my team yesterday. I know that I'm an old man now because today my legs are pretty sore and that would not have happened in my 20's. I can hear death knocking at my door.

Now, last night a bunch of us caught the bus and went into Seoul to pal around. This brings me back to my original statement about lies, cheating, manipulation and what not. I will never understand why this is but since I was in elementary school people have always told me things. People tell me their "sins" for lack of a better word and they are not always drunk when they do this. But it doesn't just stop there. I have a knack for finding things out about people I know without asking or even trying. Sometimes I find things out about people that I wish I didn't know. The truth always seems to come out in the end, whether by accident or on purpose it seems that eventually it seeps through the cracks. The problem with this is that if you've based a large part of your reputation or relationship with someone on a lie then when that lie is uncovered you end up looking like an asshole at best. There is something about a lie that dehumanizes people. I can't really explain it. I'm not talking about the kind of lie where you tell someone they look good when they don't or the whole "be good or the fat old white man with the beard won't leave you any presents." I'm talking about the kind of lie, misleading statement or manipulation that leaves both parties feeling like they just gave up a piece of their soul.

I can lie with the best of them by the way. As a matter of fact I'm writing a book that is full of lies but I let the reader know that ahead of time. I do this strange thing with my lies where I will actually tell you that I'm lying to you. You can ask me, "Chris are you lying?" and I will say yes. I also don't lie to make myself look better, I'm pretty comfortable looking like an idiot most of the time. I really do believe that lies in general are the act of selfish people who tend to fear their own reflection in the mirror.

I do know how to keep a secret however, which kind of makes me a liar in a way. I'm participating in the lie itself. Although if I'm in a relationship I will most likely tell my partner at the time most of everything I hear. Which reminds me, Toby and Alex, the things Danielle knows about you two could ruin your life! Lucky for the both of you she always seemed disgusted by you guys and probably locked away all the horrible things you have done in the recesses of her mind. Not so lucky for the two of you that book I'm writing has about a chapter each on both of you and the ridiculous lives you lead.

Anyways, last night I found out more information about people than I ever wanted to know. I found out funny things but I also found out some pretty horrible things. Things that I have no business knowing to be honest with you. I am intrigued about the things we can all hold onto and go about our regular lives with. Human beings are pretty resilient but it has to ware on your spirit after a while holding onto things like that. In the end I guess it always comes down to how much can you live with? In the end, you can't escape yourself. You will always be there and sooner or later you will have to face yourself.

That said I have decided to dedicate the next year of my life to pure evil! This actually won't start until after I get back to the states. But I'm a pretty honest guy and an OK human being and now I think I'm going to see how the other half lives. I decided this a couple of days ago actually. I was ordering a shit load of candy to take to the orphanage next week (because God knows what Korean Orphans really need is sugar) and have a conversation with a friend of mine. She had worked for this NGO in India and asked if I might be interested in volunteering to work with street kids for a few weeks. I guess when you volunteer you end up paying money to stay a certain length of time. But she can get this fee waived for me. So, I've got to fill out some paper work but it looks like I may be going to India for two weeks next year. If it all works out I'm going to do it right after my contract is up and then fly from India back home.

What does this have to do with me turning to the dark side? Nothing really except I've decided this act will be the last decent thing I do for an entire year. After India I will dedicate my life to doing wrong. I won't steal though. Something about stealing just doesn't seem right to me. But besides that I'm going the way of Darth Vader baby. All this really means is that Alex and I will probably become a lot closer since this is how he lives his life every day.

Anways, I just thought I'd give you all the heads up on my upcoming evil tour....oh, this tour will actually start when I get back to Portland, not while I stop off in Michigan and hang out with my niece. No evil around the niece. But after that, evil all the way.