He had decided to teach in Korea for a year because he had nothing better to do. A recent college graduate with a Master's degree that was hard to explain and even harder to get work with he thought maybe a year in a foreign country was just what he needed. Finding a job, although somewhat stressful, was easier than he had imagined. This was going to be his first long term adventure overseas and he had his reservations. He didn't know much about Korea or Koreans for that matter. "Koreans are short, right?" He prided himself on having a diverse group of friends but Koreans had not yet made it into his pack. He gave his job notice (good riddance) and he waited until it was time to go.
He had been in a relationship for quite sometime and he hoped his flight to Korea would be less rocky. "Friends, we should have only been friends" he thought to himself. Although they were both going to Korea (she would arrive two months later) he knew inside that mystic part of himself that they would not be leaving Korea together.
Finally the day came where picked up his two bags (one was full of things he would later realize he didn't need)and boarded a plane destined for the future. The plane ride was comfortable beyond his expectations. He made a mental note that he would book this airline for his flight home. Before he knew it the plane was touch down a few mile outside Seoul. He had not sleep a single wink. He had not rested his eyes one time.
The airport was smaller than he thought it would be and easier to navigate (thank God). His ride was holding a sign with his name on it (spelled wrong of course). The man who would take his bags and drive him to his new home was ancient. He said "Hello" in Korean and then climbed into the back of an old van that smelled of smoke, garlic and a new scent he would come to know very well in time. To say that man driving the odor filled van drove fast would be under and understatement. The old man made up for his age with his skills on the road. Red lights were a thing of the past. Speed was the future. The ride took longer than expected but was exhilarating none the less.
He knew he was close to his destination when the old mans GPS system started ringing. He looked out his window as the van slowed down and for the first time he saw what was to be his new home for what he thought would only be a year (he was wrong). He was not scared but a chill ran through his body anyways. Without warning his body became very tired and he knew sleep was near.
There was a younger foreign man (non-Koreans are foreigners in Korea) waiting as the Van came to a stop. He was nice enough looking. Definitely not threatening and definitely not American. "Australian or from New Zealand" he thought. The younger man helped him out of the van and showed him to his apartment. The young man gave a quick, thick accent filled information session and then left him to settle in. "This apartment is small and there's no toilet paper" he thought. It was late and he was tired. He found some napkins in one of the cabinets and he used the bathroom. He was too tired to unpack and almost too tired to put sheet on the bed...almost, but there were something about him that would never change. He put new sheets on the bed.
It was late October and the night air was cool. He opened his window and took a deep breath. He could still smell garlic in his nostrils. He looked around the room that would become his home and thought, "I'll clean tomorrow." He lay down on his rock hard mattress and closed his eyes for the first time in a long time.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Where Ever You Go You Take Yourself With You
Where ever you go you take yourself with you. I was at a friends house the other night for a dinner party and she had this written on her kitchen cabinets in dry erase marker. The cabinets in our apartments are all white and made of the same material used to make white boards so the foreign teachers like to use this space to write information on. Anyways, I had seen this quote before but I wanted to get her perspective on it. She's from South Africa and has been living in Korea for the past three years. She has also been all over this planet in her very short 30 years. So I asked her about the quote and she answered it in typical Christa fashion. Keep in mind that Christa has probably been one of my most trusted friends since I've been in Korea. She told the small group of people at the table how she first left South Africa because she wanted to live in other countries and experience other cultures. But then she followed it up with something I thought was very insightful.
She told us how unhappy she was in South Africa and that unhappiness followed her around to each and every country she has worked in. I guess Christa thought moving around would help her feel something more or find that "thing" she was searching for but it never happened. So she had the same feeling in Israel as she did in Finland as she did in Japan as she did in Russia as she did in Egypt as she did in Germany as she did in Korea. The thing that first drew me to Christa was that she wasn't snobbish or arrogant about her travels around the world. She never bragged about all the places she has visited or lived in. They were just simply a part of her story. She travels because that what she likes to do. She doesn't travel for anyone else but herself. I've been to a few places with her and I've learned a lot about how she approaches new places and people. It has been a humbling experience to spend time with someone who approaches life and people with such mindfulness.
But when Christa explained that it didn't matter where she went she was always going to feel this unhappiness until she travelled within herself to figure out what her deal was I could relate to that wholly. I could have been on the most for a decade. I could have been jumping from county to country but I would always be with myself. Christa is great for self reflection and that's what I got out of that dinner party...that and some wild ass South African food. I think I can enjoy my surrounding and the people around me now more than I have been able to at any other point in my life because I'm at peace with myself for the first time in my life. I'm taking care of myself and as a result people like Christa have become a part of my life.
One of the best things about my current work environment is that I have been able to meet folks from all over the English speaking parts of the world. You have to speak English to work here of course. I now have reasons to visit other countries and places to stay when I visit those countries. In a perfect world I would buy a house in Portland (something I've been thinking about more and more) and rent it out while I continue to work and travel around for a few more years. Portland is actually a wonderful city and I apologize for all the times I took it for granted. I'm a big enough person to admit when I was wrong about something and I was wrong about that.
I guess I'll just have to wait and see what life has in store for me. Happy spring days to all of you.
She told us how unhappy she was in South Africa and that unhappiness followed her around to each and every country she has worked in. I guess Christa thought moving around would help her feel something more or find that "thing" she was searching for but it never happened. So she had the same feeling in Israel as she did in Finland as she did in Japan as she did in Russia as she did in Egypt as she did in Germany as she did in Korea. The thing that first drew me to Christa was that she wasn't snobbish or arrogant about her travels around the world. She never bragged about all the places she has visited or lived in. They were just simply a part of her story. She travels because that what she likes to do. She doesn't travel for anyone else but herself. I've been to a few places with her and I've learned a lot about how she approaches new places and people. It has been a humbling experience to spend time with someone who approaches life and people with such mindfulness.
But when Christa explained that it didn't matter where she went she was always going to feel this unhappiness until she travelled within herself to figure out what her deal was I could relate to that wholly. I could have been on the most for a decade. I could have been jumping from county to country but I would always be with myself. Christa is great for self reflection and that's what I got out of that dinner party...that and some wild ass South African food. I think I can enjoy my surrounding and the people around me now more than I have been able to at any other point in my life because I'm at peace with myself for the first time in my life. I'm taking care of myself and as a result people like Christa have become a part of my life.
One of the best things about my current work environment is that I have been able to meet folks from all over the English speaking parts of the world. You have to speak English to work here of course. I now have reasons to visit other countries and places to stay when I visit those countries. In a perfect world I would buy a house in Portland (something I've been thinking about more and more) and rent it out while I continue to work and travel around for a few more years. Portland is actually a wonderful city and I apologize for all the times I took it for granted. I'm a big enough person to admit when I was wrong about something and I was wrong about that.
I guess I'll just have to wait and see what life has in store for me. Happy spring days to all of you.
Monday, May 4, 2009
The Rides Almost Over
I'm waiting for my visa to arrive so I can travel to Vietnam in late June. I'm going to travel around Northern Vietnam for just over 10 days. During my time in Asia I've found that I enjoy traveling around by myself. During my time in Korea I've found that I enjoy my alone time more than I thought was possible. Don't get me wrong because God knows I love being around my friends. But I've found a new sense of myself over the past year or so. I have been enjoying getting to know myself again. I'm looking forward to this last trip and I'm excited to see what Vietnam has to teach me. The more time I spend by myself when traveling somewhere the more I like myself. I'm a funny guy. I enjoy meeting new people and I have fun trying to communicate through sounds, hand motions and facial expressions. My face has been my savior in more than one instance over the past year. People keep telling me to stop by this town when I land and have some suits made for my body but I'm not going to Vietnam to buy stuff. I'm going to Vietnam for a few reason but none of those reasons has to do with purchasing materials of any kind.
My uncle who recently passed away fought in the Vietnam War and although he never personal talked about his experiences in that country I heard stories from my aunts and uncles. I don't think I'm going to be in the area he found himself fighting for his life in but I think it would make him smile to find out his nephew walked around Vietnam.
Even though I'm not coming home for almost three months I've found some anxiety settling into these old bones of mine. As excited as I am to see my friends and hang out with them I know that I'm not the same person. I mean, I still hate Alex. I'm still funny and intelligent. I'm actually getting more handsome if you can believe that but the changes I'm talking about are on the inside. I think I've changed for the better but there's always room for improvement. I think I'm anxious to see how people have changed and how I will relate to them now.
I think I'm happier than I've been in the past decade. I've got that kind of happiness that turns lemons into lemonade. I'm tapping into my own potential and I'm understanding who I really am. I think I'll always be more of a private person but I'm learning to let people in more often. I still enjoy my "me time" and personal space but I'm enjoying socializing with people and just accepting them for who they are and enjoying my relationship with them for what it is.
Doubt is the monkey on my back and I've carried the bastard around for longer than I care to think about. But I've learned to love the little bastard and I do mean little now. Either he's grown smaller or I've grown stronger and he doesn't weigh me down as much. I used to fight or ignore and now I look straight ahead with open eyes and more importantly an open heart. I am a willing student to the lessons that are presented to me on a daily basis.
I don't question people's motives as much any more. If a woman expressed interest in me in the past I would instantly wonder what the hell was wrong with them. Since high school (remember I'm 33) I've found myself attracted to women who were unavailable in one way or another. Which sounds like I'm blaming them but in actuality what I'm saying is that I did not have to be available in return. The monkey could gorge himself and I would find my movement towards healthy relationships more stunted as the years rolled by.
This unavailability was not just designated to my girlfriends. My family has felt the sting too. I feel lucky to have figured at least this much out before I hit my 50's. I am not looking for a serious relationship with anyone but I am not shutting myself off from one either. I don't get that uncomfortable feeling any more when a woman flirts with me. I am not shutting myself off from getting to know my family again and I am working on being a more present friend...except to Alex.
Asia has been an interesting ride and although I'm ready to move on I'm grateful for all that I've learned since arriving here. Some lessons have been harder than others but I've gained insight nonetheless.
My uncle who recently passed away fought in the Vietnam War and although he never personal talked about his experiences in that country I heard stories from my aunts and uncles. I don't think I'm going to be in the area he found himself fighting for his life in but I think it would make him smile to find out his nephew walked around Vietnam.
Even though I'm not coming home for almost three months I've found some anxiety settling into these old bones of mine. As excited as I am to see my friends and hang out with them I know that I'm not the same person. I mean, I still hate Alex. I'm still funny and intelligent. I'm actually getting more handsome if you can believe that but the changes I'm talking about are on the inside. I think I've changed for the better but there's always room for improvement. I think I'm anxious to see how people have changed and how I will relate to them now.
I think I'm happier than I've been in the past decade. I've got that kind of happiness that turns lemons into lemonade. I'm tapping into my own potential and I'm understanding who I really am. I think I'll always be more of a private person but I'm learning to let people in more often. I still enjoy my "me time" and personal space but I'm enjoying socializing with people and just accepting them for who they are and enjoying my relationship with them for what it is.
Doubt is the monkey on my back and I've carried the bastard around for longer than I care to think about. But I've learned to love the little bastard and I do mean little now. Either he's grown smaller or I've grown stronger and he doesn't weigh me down as much. I used to fight or ignore and now I look straight ahead with open eyes and more importantly an open heart. I am a willing student to the lessons that are presented to me on a daily basis.
I don't question people's motives as much any more. If a woman expressed interest in me in the past I would instantly wonder what the hell was wrong with them. Since high school (remember I'm 33) I've found myself attracted to women who were unavailable in one way or another. Which sounds like I'm blaming them but in actuality what I'm saying is that I did not have to be available in return. The monkey could gorge himself and I would find my movement towards healthy relationships more stunted as the years rolled by.
This unavailability was not just designated to my girlfriends. My family has felt the sting too. I feel lucky to have figured at least this much out before I hit my 50's. I am not looking for a serious relationship with anyone but I am not shutting myself off from one either. I don't get that uncomfortable feeling any more when a woman flirts with me. I am not shutting myself off from getting to know my family again and I am working on being a more present friend...except to Alex.
Asia has been an interesting ride and although I'm ready to move on I'm grateful for all that I've learned since arriving here. Some lessons have been harder than others but I've gained insight nonetheless.
Friday, May 1, 2009
A love letter to my friends
A very, very good friend of mine just sent me an email in which she pretended to be having a conversation with me. I think the point of her very funny message to me was that she would like to hear from me more often. I think she believes our lack of interaction lately is due to a lady friend of mine but this assertion is false. Our lack of communication is due to a change in my work schedule and the fact that she is never on skype. But her email did inspire me to put finger to keyboard and write a little bit.
After I read her email and finished laughing I started thinking about people who stop talking to their friends because they are in a relationship with someone. I think that is the worst thing a person can do and I'm sure at some point we have all done it. I thought about my past relationships and I came to the conclusion that my friendships have always been the other woman. I am in love with the majority of my friends...except you Alex, the only thing I feel for you is hate and disgust! It doesn't matter how much I like someone I'm with I always have my friends in the back of my mind. I'm not sure if that's healthy or not but I thought I'd just come clean with it. Relationships end or at least mine do and when they go the way of the Dodo Birds I have always had my friends. Sure I have lost some along but for the most part I have a solid group of people I trust and can be myself around.
All of my friends are so unique. I've always thought if I could somehow harness all the potential in the people I call my friends I would be a rich man. But the emotional support I get from my friends, in particular my female friends has always sustained me in hard times. I tend to lean more on my friends than I do my partners. You don't have to say anything because I'm pretty sure that's not the healthiest thing in the world but I'm trying to be honest here. As we all know I have trust issues with my partners. Yes, I'm working on it but it's a slow process. Those trust issues melt away with my friends and I think that's why I like spending time with all of you. You can imagine what the past two years has been like for me. Sure I've made some good friendships here and there are some people here who I will continue to be in touch with after I leave but I have not found anyone like the people I left back in the states.
So when I say that I can't wait to see all of you I truly mean it from the bottom of my heart. I miss you guys and I can not wait to hang out with you. You know I'm going to cause trouble when we reunite but that's what I do and that's why you love me.
So to my friend who would like me to contact her soon I say "of course I will." I will skype you this weekend and you can vent about your life. I will always make time for the people who are important in my life. That is why I never have time for you Alex.
I have known some of you as long as I have known myself. I've lived with some of you. I've taken road trips with some of you. I've stayed up all night with some of you. We've cried, we've laughed, we've fought and we are still friends. Okay I'm done drooling over all of you now so I'll leave you with this quote:
"Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends."
~ Richard Bach
After I read her email and finished laughing I started thinking about people who stop talking to their friends because they are in a relationship with someone. I think that is the worst thing a person can do and I'm sure at some point we have all done it. I thought about my past relationships and I came to the conclusion that my friendships have always been the other woman. I am in love with the majority of my friends...except you Alex, the only thing I feel for you is hate and disgust! It doesn't matter how much I like someone I'm with I always have my friends in the back of my mind. I'm not sure if that's healthy or not but I thought I'd just come clean with it. Relationships end or at least mine do and when they go the way of the Dodo Birds I have always had my friends. Sure I have lost some along but for the most part I have a solid group of people I trust and can be myself around.
All of my friends are so unique. I've always thought if I could somehow harness all the potential in the people I call my friends I would be a rich man. But the emotional support I get from my friends, in particular my female friends has always sustained me in hard times. I tend to lean more on my friends than I do my partners. You don't have to say anything because I'm pretty sure that's not the healthiest thing in the world but I'm trying to be honest here. As we all know I have trust issues with my partners. Yes, I'm working on it but it's a slow process. Those trust issues melt away with my friends and I think that's why I like spending time with all of you. You can imagine what the past two years has been like for me. Sure I've made some good friendships here and there are some people here who I will continue to be in touch with after I leave but I have not found anyone like the people I left back in the states.
So when I say that I can't wait to see all of you I truly mean it from the bottom of my heart. I miss you guys and I can not wait to hang out with you. You know I'm going to cause trouble when we reunite but that's what I do and that's why you love me.
So to my friend who would like me to contact her soon I say "of course I will." I will skype you this weekend and you can vent about your life. I will always make time for the people who are important in my life. That is why I never have time for you Alex.
I have known some of you as long as I have known myself. I've lived with some of you. I've taken road trips with some of you. I've stayed up all night with some of you. We've cried, we've laughed, we've fought and we are still friends. Okay I'm done drooling over all of you now so I'll leave you with this quote:
"Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends."
~ Richard Bach
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Mother Hens
Okay people. I said I might have to go to Iraq and teach if things didn't work out in the U.S. and I couldn't find a job in some other country. I'm not planning on going t Iraq so we can stop sending me reason why it isn't a good idea. Yes, I know there is a lot of violence going on there. Yes, I know that it's kind of profiting off the lies and other misdeeds done by the United States government. I'm not going to lie, 8,000 dollars a month a very tempting still. By the way, that's starting, I have no idea what the pay tops at out. Regardless, Iraq is not tops on my list of places to visit or places to work so I doubt it will come to that. I'm just looking forward to hanging out with my Portland peeps and then visiting some other folks around North America. So far I have Chicago, The State of Michigan, Los Angeles, Denver, Bismark and a few Canadian destinations. I'm up for more suggestions however. Thanks to those of you who sent me messages of concern, I appreciate your advice and your opinions. Who knew I was friends with so many mother hens.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Making Friends and Breaking Hearts
First things first, the group is called Local Natives and the song is called Airplanes. I've been listening to this song at least once a day for the past three weeks now. I can't get enough of it. I'm trying to get a hold of more of their music but I'm finding that to be a more difficult task than I expected. So that has been the group and the song pushing me through the month of April. I have been prompted to blog a little more by a friend of mine who thinks the reason I have not been blogging has something to do with my time being taken up by other ventures. The fact is that I have not had much to write about in a while. I'm just coasting along waiting for my final contract to come to an end. The weather is getting warmer and the rains are coming out of their long winter slumber.
I got sick again, which makes that about 20 colds in just under two years...that can't be healthy but I always seem to make a quick recovery. Lot's of people are coming down with that Korean cough lately. Oh Korean cough, how I will miss you when I'm gone. The Koreans seem to be freaked out about the Pig Flu because of what happened when SARS was a big deal. Isn't it amazing what a word can do. You name something swine flu and all of the sudden pork prices start to bottom out. Even though you can't catch a damn thing from eating pork.
So this blog is going to be short and sweet. I'm thinking about my friends and my family. I got to see my niece a few days ago through the miracle of skype video. She has a personality and is full of energy. I don't think she really knew who I was and quickly became bored talking with me. I can't blame her, when I was that age the last thing I would want to do is talk into the computer. She had to go and watch scooby doo. Before she left she did impressions of my brother, his wife Kristine, my mom and my dad. Her impression was how each of them sounds when they get upset. It was one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time. When she got to my dad, her grandfather, at the very end my brother said, "And how does Grandpa sound when he gets mad?" Talia paused and you could see her thinking, then she simply said "He doesn't ever get mad." She's pretty much right, my dad never really lost his temper growing up and it seems that is still the way it is.
I'm looking forward to seeing my family this year. I'm looking forward to seeing old friends. I've got a lot of catching up to do. Now that my departure date is under three months I've found that more people seem to be contacting me. I'm only getting gifts for the people who kept in touch the entire time I've been here though. I'd say I was just joking but those of you who know me well know that I'm serious so what's the point.
I see pictures of friends and I get a feeling of comfort seeing how their lives have changed. Some of you have found partners that you are head over heels about. Unfortunately, I'm missing a good friends wedding by about 8 days. I'm also looking forward to going out with some of you and suggesting men and women who I think might be your type. I feel like I've got to spend my first few weeks back in the states traveling around the country and visiting people. Well....got to is probably the wrong phrase, I should have said I want to spend the first few weeks doing that.
I hope to make up for all the birthday's, new boyfriends, new girlfriends, surgeries, births, marriages, and everything else that I've missed since being here. Put me on your calendar if you have not already because come the first or second of August I'm touching foot back down in the U.S. starting with Portland Oregon.
Before I go, I'd like to tell you about another opportunity which has come my way but might be kind of insane to pursue. The school in Abu Dabi is still available early next year if I want to apply but another position is opening up in the green zone. Yes, the green zone as in Iraq. Does that sound crazy? Here's what it pays, 8,000 tax free American dollar bills a month. That's rent free, plane ticket paid for. But here's the best part, unlike in Korea the contracts are in three month installments. But...it's in Iraq. You can call it the pink zone for all I care, it's still Iraq and I realize that, but damn...8 grand a month is a lot of money. I'm putting this one in my way back pocket. I've got a contact here and it's a good contact to have. Don't send me messages about Iraq either, it's something I'm kinda sorta considering but probably would never do unless it's the Great Depression Part two back in the U.S. It's gonna have to get pretty bad for me to get on a plane and fly into the green zone. It's not really the flying in part that worries me, it's the flying out part I'm concerned about. And yes, I think my life is worth way more than 8,000 dollars a month.
So that's what's going on with me people. Just hanging out in the good ol' ROK (Republic of Korea) doing my thing. Making friends and breaking hearts.
I got sick again, which makes that about 20 colds in just under two years...that can't be healthy but I always seem to make a quick recovery. Lot's of people are coming down with that Korean cough lately. Oh Korean cough, how I will miss you when I'm gone. The Koreans seem to be freaked out about the Pig Flu because of what happened when SARS was a big deal. Isn't it amazing what a word can do. You name something swine flu and all of the sudden pork prices start to bottom out. Even though you can't catch a damn thing from eating pork.
So this blog is going to be short and sweet. I'm thinking about my friends and my family. I got to see my niece a few days ago through the miracle of skype video. She has a personality and is full of energy. I don't think she really knew who I was and quickly became bored talking with me. I can't blame her, when I was that age the last thing I would want to do is talk into the computer. She had to go and watch scooby doo. Before she left she did impressions of my brother, his wife Kristine, my mom and my dad. Her impression was how each of them sounds when they get upset. It was one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time. When she got to my dad, her grandfather, at the very end my brother said, "And how does Grandpa sound when he gets mad?" Talia paused and you could see her thinking, then she simply said "He doesn't ever get mad." She's pretty much right, my dad never really lost his temper growing up and it seems that is still the way it is.
I'm looking forward to seeing my family this year. I'm looking forward to seeing old friends. I've got a lot of catching up to do. Now that my departure date is under three months I've found that more people seem to be contacting me. I'm only getting gifts for the people who kept in touch the entire time I've been here though. I'd say I was just joking but those of you who know me well know that I'm serious so what's the point.
I see pictures of friends and I get a feeling of comfort seeing how their lives have changed. Some of you have found partners that you are head over heels about. Unfortunately, I'm missing a good friends wedding by about 8 days. I'm also looking forward to going out with some of you and suggesting men and women who I think might be your type. I feel like I've got to spend my first few weeks back in the states traveling around the country and visiting people. Well....got to is probably the wrong phrase, I should have said I want to spend the first few weeks doing that.
I hope to make up for all the birthday's, new boyfriends, new girlfriends, surgeries, births, marriages, and everything else that I've missed since being here. Put me on your calendar if you have not already because come the first or second of August I'm touching foot back down in the U.S. starting with Portland Oregon.
Before I go, I'd like to tell you about another opportunity which has come my way but might be kind of insane to pursue. The school in Abu Dabi is still available early next year if I want to apply but another position is opening up in the green zone. Yes, the green zone as in Iraq. Does that sound crazy? Here's what it pays, 8,000 tax free American dollar bills a month. That's rent free, plane ticket paid for. But here's the best part, unlike in Korea the contracts are in three month installments. But...it's in Iraq. You can call it the pink zone for all I care, it's still Iraq and I realize that, but damn...8 grand a month is a lot of money. I'm putting this one in my way back pocket. I've got a contact here and it's a good contact to have. Don't send me messages about Iraq either, it's something I'm kinda sorta considering but probably would never do unless it's the Great Depression Part two back in the U.S. It's gonna have to get pretty bad for me to get on a plane and fly into the green zone. It's not really the flying in part that worries me, it's the flying out part I'm concerned about. And yes, I think my life is worth way more than 8,000 dollars a month.
So that's what's going on with me people. Just hanging out in the good ol' ROK (Republic of Korea) doing my thing. Making friends and breaking hearts.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
But you are kind to me anyways
I've been thinking a lot lately about the fact that I would be flying home in less than 3 weeks if I was not about to re-sign a 3 month contract in hopes of getting a little better exchange rate. The fact that the job market back in the U.S. seems to be at a low doesn't really make me want to rush back home either. I almost didn't have a choice in the matter actually. I almost was not going to be allowed to re-sign but luckily I've become pretty proactive when it comes to certain things in my life. These past two weeks have been kind of difficult because I had to deal with some strange Korean cultural difference when it comes to professional work behavior. I came out of it knowing without a doubt that I will not be returning to this country ever again once I leave it. But I also came out of these past two weeks realizing that I really am an adult now and I can take care of myself better than I thought.
When I was in the 4th grade and attending St. Thomas Aquinas Catholic School or "Hell on Earth" as I like to call it, a teacher tried to make me confess to something I did not do. I remember an overwhelming feeling of frustration during that time and even after it was shown I had nothing to do with what I was being intimidated to confess to I was still treated like I had done something wrong. I think one of the hardest things for people to do is to admit they made a mistake and that they are wrong. Nobody likes to be wrong. I don't, but I try hard to admit when I'm wrong and to really mean my apology.
Basically wheat happened with me is that some Korean teachers lied about an incident, I was called in to a meeting and made to feel like I was guilty until proven guilty. Policy and procedure at my work place was totally violated and I should never have been called into the meeting in the first place. After an investigation it was shown that I not only did nothing wrong but that the Koreans making the complaint violated policy and rules at my work place. I wrote an official letter detailing my feelings on the matter and I was called into a second meeting in which the one foreign person in the Human Resources Department apologized to me and informed me that action was being taken against these teachers. It's my belief that this so called "action" will go something like this....."Don't do that again."
When administration thought I had done something wrong they were very aggressive but as soon as they found out they were wrong they wanted the whole thing to go away. Now, you can do a lot of things to me but messing with my good name is not one of them. I don't care what country I'm in if you threaten my reputation I will come after you with everything that I have. I knew I could write entertaining stories but I didn't realize I was also good at writing professional letters threatening legal action if matters were not cleared up quickly.
Now that every things over I find myself not even wanting to work here any more and truth be told I would just leave at the end of my contract this month but I'm going to leave on my terms not anyone Else's. That might sound stubborn but I feel like this can be a learning moment for everyone involved here. In a year where Obama became the first black president of the United States there was no way I was going to allow myself to be disrespected like this so I stood up for myself big time.
Some of the teacher's at my workplace have nicknamed me "bulletproof" but I told them that a person should never be afraid to stand up for what the believe is right even when the consequences may be harsh. Part of that means being honest with yourself and other people about how you feel. I've spent the past few years in a fog of uncomfortable silence. I'm finding my voice again and it feels right. Ironically, I feel like my time in Korea has put me in touch with my center. I'm learning how to trust again and I'm learning how to accept affection from others. Even a simple hand to the shoulder was difficult at first. I felt like one of those kids who gets lost in the wild and hasn't had any human contact for years but then suddenly gets reintroduced to people. I put up one hell of a wall as one of my friends recently told me.
I think that's why I'm getting anxious to see so many of my friends back in the U.S. I feel like I'm going to see of you in color for the first time and that's exciting. Except you Alex, you'll always be a black and white piece of shit! But I'm so excited to see and talk to the rest of you. I'm thankful to have such great people in my life and I can't wait to spend time with my good friends again because I really understand how important it is to have people you can rely on in your life. My relationships with you have been good but now I'm in a space where they can be great.
Some of you seem to be enjoying these letters I get from Korean students so I'll leave this blog with one of the latest. This one is from anonymous:
Dear Kris Teachar,
You have big eyes and bright smile. You smile like
Santa but not light skin. When I see you I say Hello and
you put hand on my shuldar and laugh like Santa. Kris you
have very big hands like monstar. Ha,ha,ha. But I dont think
you monstar I think you angel but black angel. Where is your
hair teachar? Can I see you again? I hope so. When I
say you I am gay you say okay and smile. I am not really
GAY Kris teachar but you are kind to me anyways. Thank you
teachar, bye.
When I was in the 4th grade and attending St. Thomas Aquinas Catholic School or "Hell on Earth" as I like to call it, a teacher tried to make me confess to something I did not do. I remember an overwhelming feeling of frustration during that time and even after it was shown I had nothing to do with what I was being intimidated to confess to I was still treated like I had done something wrong. I think one of the hardest things for people to do is to admit they made a mistake and that they are wrong. Nobody likes to be wrong. I don't, but I try hard to admit when I'm wrong and to really mean my apology.
Basically wheat happened with me is that some Korean teachers lied about an incident, I was called in to a meeting and made to feel like I was guilty until proven guilty. Policy and procedure at my work place was totally violated and I should never have been called into the meeting in the first place. After an investigation it was shown that I not only did nothing wrong but that the Koreans making the complaint violated policy and rules at my work place. I wrote an official letter detailing my feelings on the matter and I was called into a second meeting in which the one foreign person in the Human Resources Department apologized to me and informed me that action was being taken against these teachers. It's my belief that this so called "action" will go something like this....."Don't do that again."
When administration thought I had done something wrong they were very aggressive but as soon as they found out they were wrong they wanted the whole thing to go away. Now, you can do a lot of things to me but messing with my good name is not one of them. I don't care what country I'm in if you threaten my reputation I will come after you with everything that I have. I knew I could write entertaining stories but I didn't realize I was also good at writing professional letters threatening legal action if matters were not cleared up quickly.
Now that every things over I find myself not even wanting to work here any more and truth be told I would just leave at the end of my contract this month but I'm going to leave on my terms not anyone Else's. That might sound stubborn but I feel like this can be a learning moment for everyone involved here. In a year where Obama became the first black president of the United States there was no way I was going to allow myself to be disrespected like this so I stood up for myself big time.
Some of the teacher's at my workplace have nicknamed me "bulletproof" but I told them that a person should never be afraid to stand up for what the believe is right even when the consequences may be harsh. Part of that means being honest with yourself and other people about how you feel. I've spent the past few years in a fog of uncomfortable silence. I'm finding my voice again and it feels right. Ironically, I feel like my time in Korea has put me in touch with my center. I'm learning how to trust again and I'm learning how to accept affection from others. Even a simple hand to the shoulder was difficult at first. I felt like one of those kids who gets lost in the wild and hasn't had any human contact for years but then suddenly gets reintroduced to people. I put up one hell of a wall as one of my friends recently told me.
I think that's why I'm getting anxious to see so many of my friends back in the U.S. I feel like I'm going to see of you in color for the first time and that's exciting. Except you Alex, you'll always be a black and white piece of shit! But I'm so excited to see and talk to the rest of you. I'm thankful to have such great people in my life and I can't wait to spend time with my good friends again because I really understand how important it is to have people you can rely on in your life. My relationships with you have been good but now I'm in a space where they can be great.
Some of you seem to be enjoying these letters I get from Korean students so I'll leave this blog with one of the latest. This one is from anonymous:
Dear Kris Teachar,
You have big eyes and bright smile. You smile like
Santa but not light skin. When I see you I say Hello and
you put hand on my shuldar and laugh like Santa. Kris you
have very big hands like monstar. Ha,ha,ha. But I dont think
you monstar I think you angel but black angel. Where is your
hair teachar? Can I see you again? I hope so. When I
say you I am gay you say okay and smile. I am not really
GAY Kris teachar but you are kind to me anyways. Thank you
teachar, bye.
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