No Words

I'm just going to cut right to it and let those who are keeping tabs on me know that Danielle and I broke up with each other. It was not an ugly break up and there was no barrage of mean and hurtful things thrown at each other. I would be lying if I said that I broke up with her but I would also be lying if I said it was not the right move for her to make. The reasons for our break are unimportant but I fully support her in her decision to walk down a new path on her own. For the first time in my life I can honesty say that I love someone enough to let them go. I have never been able to say that before and actually mean it. She's a wonderful woman and a beautiful soul and I'm am absolutely sure that she will find what she is looking for.

Don't be fooled by my words however. I may sound like I have it all together but I'm pretty fucked up. Feel free to send me cookies and other goodies to soothe my broken heart. You wanna know what the fucked up this was, I had to change my stupid relationship status on facebook. Fucking facebook is both a blessing and a curse. This means that now I'm going to have all my facebook friends sending me little "hang in" there messages for the next couple of days. Another reason that I know I loved her is that I did not delete her from my "friends list." In the past I would have but I could not bring myself to do it this time. I had to get rid of my online photos because that would be way too painful for me to have to look at but I think it would have hurt me more to cut her completely out like she never existed. Fucking facebook!

I hate the whole idea of breaking up with someone who I have spent so much time with. We ended up in South Korea together just to end up putting an end to a two and a half year relationship. They don't have words to describe the way I'm feeling right now so I'm just sitting here, typing listening to some instrumental sounds on my computer. Right now I feel like this is a Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind moment. My head is full of memories and it doesn't matter how many pictures I now have to tuck away in the dark corner of my suitcase. It doesn't matter if I never speak to her again because I already can tell she will always be inside of me. Would I want to remove her? Probably not. So I'll just sit with the pain for a while. I'll sit here listening to my music feeling sorry for myself and then I'll go to bed. I can't imagine my life without her right now but that's not some revelation when it comes to the break up.

The revelation is that I really don't want to imagine my life without her. All previous break ups didn't feel like this one. I think this one is going to sit deep inside of me for a long while. I'm to crushed and tired to cry but I have just enough energy to tap these keys and type my feelings out into the universe.

Here's to one of the best friends I've ever had. I have nothing but love, hope and smiles for you.

Remember, it took a little while for the Velveteen Rabbit to realize he was flesh and blood at the end of the story.