Thanks

Oh Korea, you strange fucking country you. To get anything done here you have to jump through so many hoops it's not even funny. Hoop after fucking hoop. You can't talk directly to the person with the information, you have to talk to the three people below the person with the information who will give you the wrong information. I thought it might just be the place that I work at that has problems communicating and moving forward in a logical manner but I was wrong, it's pretty much the entire country. I have to renew my visa and the who process is proving to be difficult. They require that I go to the doctor's to get a physical, which I understand. They wanna know if I have anything bad so they can deport my ass out of the country if I do. The scary thing about that is I've had a cough and fluid in my chest for the past three weeks. My fear of Korean doctors has prevented me from going to the hospital before now but I'm going to have to go soon. I have tricked myself into thinking that if I'm not yet coughing up blood then I will get better on my own. Some people who I work with think I have TB because it's all over the place in this country. There's actually a pool going on here called the "What will Chris die from pool?" I laughed when I first heard about it but then I started talking to some people and found out it's real. At the moment it's a tie between bird flu and TB.

I don't mind having to go to the hospital for a check up to get my visa. But...I have to get a criminal background check from a state where I have lived in. Here's the dumb ass thing about the criminal background check. The last criminal background check I got was right before I left the country to live in South Korea. I got this check because the place that I now work required it. This obviously means that the new criminal background check they are asking for will be the old criminal background check because I've been living here since the last one. Confusing? Yeah. Stupid? For sure. I'm annoyed because this process is going to take forever and I've already run into complications. This has not been the best few week for me and I'm just not in the mood to deal with the whole cultural differences right now to get what I need done done.

Maybe I'll just let the visa run out and see what happens. What would that be like to be deported? Hmmmm? Maybe I'll fine out soon. The dollar has improved in value here which fucks me pretty hard. 1,000 won used to be worth about $1.10. Not any more. 1,000 won is now worth about .88 cents. I felt that hit on my last money transfer to my bank account.

There are so many things running through my head about the future. Where am I going to live? What am I going to do? How will I make my millions and live on a private island sipping fresh fruit drinks while playing cribbage and eating crab? I'm almost 50 for Christ Sake! It's right around the corner. And then when I start to feel really sorry for myself about the current status of my life I get a message from an old high school friend on facebook.

Sheeta and I have known each other since middle school but did not really become friends until high school. He instant messaged me and we chatted for a while. Sheeta used to be one wild wild man. Nights out with him usually ended with destruction of property in some fashion but he always had a pretty good heart. He told me that he has three children and works for the ministry. I instantly had flashbacks of him smoking a cigar holding a 40 ounce while singing a Snoop Dog song during our sophmore year in high school. Well time does what it does and Sheeta grew up. He never really liked high school but he ended up going to college and I think getting away from East Lansing was good for him. I think all people should move away from their hometowns for at least five years. It gives you perspective. I have not talked to Sheeta in almost a decade but it was nice to hear from him. He dropped a little bit too much God lingo but it was good to find out what he's been up to.

My "poor Chris" attitude quickly dropped to the waist side after he told me his father had died from Cancer a few years ago. Like me, Sheeta has young parents. Then he told me something that I've been mulling over in my head for the last day since I've talked to him. This guy we went to high school with has cancer which has spread all through out his body and his kidneys are failing him. He's dying. Sheeta has been talking to this guy on facebook for the past month. Facebook truly is a magical thing when used for good and not evil.

I'm not going to pretend like I was friends with Craig, but I knew him pretty well in high school. Not only was I not friends with him I think it's fair to say I didn't like him. He was friends with one of my best friends at the time and the two of them did a lot of stupid shit together. Craig was the kind of kid who you didn't want to turn your back on. He was a theif, an addict and a liar. Freshmen year of high school he was crushed by a soda machine. He was tipping it over in order to get a free soda and the whole thing came down on him. I think he broke a couple bones and did not get oe free can of minute maid orange in the process. The other thing about Craig was that he was one of the smartest kids in the high school. He was taking all advanced classes and a couple college level courses.

Like so many of "the rich kids" at my school Craig grew up with lots of money but not much direction from his family. Craig didn't steal for money. I think he stole things because he was extremely unhappy and he wanted other people to experience a little bit of how he was feeling. If I had the patience I have now I think I would have been more understanding towards Craig instead of warning him not to fuck with me as I did all those years ago. But now, all these years, Craig is dying from cancer. He's only 32 years old and cancer is consuming his body. He was extremly thin in high school so I can only imagine what he must look like now. I'll never know because the odds are I will never see him alive again. I would not wish what has happened to him on anybody and I am truly sorry that he is going through this. The fact that Sheeta can be there for someone who he has not hung out with since high school and is dying makes me respect the man he's become.

Cancer at 32 is bullshit. Ones body should not betray them at 32. It makes me feel silly when I complain about my tight knees after a jog. It silences me when I want to moan about the my life. It also makes me greatful for all that I have right now because there are no gaurentee's.

I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's a few days ago and it was like I had never been paying attention to the movie the previous times I had seen it. I watched it for the first time about two years ago and for some reason I've seen it 6 times since then. So I'm sitting on my couch watching Audrey Hepburn's cute self prance around the television screen when it hits me. "Holy shit! This is a really good movie about life."

When Paul Varjak says this to Holly Golightly I lifted an eye brow in deep contemplation.

"You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-You-Are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a wild thing, and you're terrified somebody's going to stick you in a cage. Well, baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somaliland. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself."


That's some deep shit, especially that last part that basically says, no matter where you go you're going to run into yourself. I've been spending a lot of time looking in the mirror. One reason is because my nose hairs are growing at a ridiculous rate but I also look in the mirror because I'm trying to figure some stuff out about myself. Some days I feel like a loner who doesn't need anyone and other days I feel the need to connect with people. Some days I feel like I'm running away and other days I feel like I'm running towards something. The only constant in my life has been that person who looks back at me when I stare into a mirror. He's gotten me this far and I suspect he'll get me all the way to where I'm going but he doesn't have to do it alone.

Sheeta's timing was perfect. I have been feeling pretty "Blah" lately and even though I'm sure he didn't realize it Sheeta reminded me how lucky I am. Thanks Sheeta.